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A New Chapter? Or end of story?
August 27, 2005
3:55 am
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D dog
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Shane-zah!

Oy! I am drunk too, H came back over, we went out to afore-mentioned dive bar (Oh, I'm doing SO WELL on the no contact! LOL!)

Anyway, we are really communicating on a good level, Honest, honest, honest. This is going well. And I am still making it clear who I am, and what I expect, and what I will not tolerate.

But...well, as Wendy said to Stan in Southpark -I want to wear his ass as a hat! Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, BTW - my neighbor is getting down with the zee coca, got thru her first buy in like, an hour, and called again to borrow my car to get more. Glad I'm not into it tonight...kind of amazed, actually, but H agrees, time and a place for everything. !!!

Anyway, hope you're doing well - post back if you're still up...

D dog

August 27, 2005
7:56 am
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lollipop3
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Hi D-dog,

I wasn't sure if I was going to write this post or not because I was afraid that I was going to hurt your feelings or worse.....that someone would be angry with me. But the more I read your posts, the more I feel compelled to talk about how I feel about this "drama".

I'm not exactly sure what it is that you are looking for on this site. When things are going badly, you seem to want support from others here to help you through, which of course is fine, as that is what this site is for.....however,

When you don't want to deal with the reality of what is going on....you choose to ignore the sound advice you've been given and post one drama after another. What is it that you expect from people here?

I have been reading your threads and truely wanting the best for you...but I find it offensive when you get drunk and post on this site.

I know for myself, I have struggled with alcoholism and have spent much of the past year separating myself from some of my closest friends so that I can avoid this type of thing, which does absolutely nothing to help me with my recovery.

Obviously, I cannot tell you what you can or cannot post about, nor can I tell you not to post after you've been drinking or doing drugs. However, as long as you do....I can no longer read and respond to your posts.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope that you find your way.

But for now, I have to take of me.

Good luck,
Lolli

August 27, 2005
12:04 pm
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Shaney
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lolli -

Your post made me consider my own posts at times. Thank you for the push, back into what this site is for.
It's easy, when you find a connection with fellow posters, through humor in this instant, to start chatting and goofing off. I can see where this may be helpful in some instances, when a situation needs to be lightened, or a poster needs a laugh. And on the flip side, I can see how this sort of posting can be somewhat damaging. I'm truly sorry if this was offensive to you.

D - I know I'm talking as if you aren't here, but I really wanted to address lolli's post. I'm still going to try and crack you up every time you post, but I'm going to stay more focused on the issues at hand - and responses that will help you to heal. After all, that's why we're all here! Hugs to you both.

August 27, 2005
6:59 pm
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D dog
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Hi Shaney, D dog here. I have posted an apology, and it also goes out to you, I am sorry for my inappropiate behavior, and hope that it has not caused you any undue angst.

The thread is "To Lolli from Dog", so please read if you have the chance.

And also, please continue to "crack me up", none of this is your fault, you are a class A chick-a-roo, and I appreciate your company.

Thanks!

In the doghouse,
D.

August 27, 2005
9:03 pm
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gingerleigh
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I know that I have come here from time to time and posted after drinking, and I was reaching out for help even from inside the bottom of the bottle I was currently at the bottom of. So, D-Dog don't beat yourself up. Lolli has great feedback, and she does understand, having struggled with alcohol herself, which is why she posted to you because she does care, whereas someone who couldn't understand might just close the thread and move on.

Thanks you Lolli, for offering such candid feedback in love, and to you D-Dog, for hearing it, accepting it and taking it seriously.

Hugs out to all the fabulous peeps on this thread and on this site.

August 27, 2005
10:09 pm
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Shaney
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Oh D - heck. I'm sitting here reading all of the posts since this morning.. and that was really big of lolli to state her opinion, and big of you for responding in a mature, respectful way. You're awesome.

Don't apologize to me, please, I
feel partly responsible for spooling you up and egging you on with my freaky sense of humor. Thank you, but I don't feel wronged by you in any way. We both spun outa control a little - it happens - we realize it - so let's get crackin' on improving lives!

I'm glad you're here, and thankful that we have such friendly conversation. You're not leaving here are you? Don't - becasue it's too hot in Pheonix right now to come looking for you. 🙂

Be happy, my friend!!!

August 27, 2005
10:27 pm
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D dog
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Hye, have you heard that Eminem song?

"Look who's back....Shaney's back...look who's back...Shaney's back.."

Well this looks this the time for me, everybody come and follow me, cuz I need a little controversy, and it feels so empty without me!"

Well, that's hip hop, and I am not edcucated as to such. Actually, Eminem refers to himself as "Shady". But I thought it was funny, nonetheless.

Anyway - yeah, the issues. I said it allin the apology to Lolli. And I wish we could be friends outside the site, but it isn't allowed. Hey, good luvck with your B/F, fiance, and the impending marriage. I really appreciate your sharing about the coke thing, my friend has some (again) and I am just not gonna do it. It is very hard, as an addict, to pull away from these situations. Even though my posts last night were inappropriate, I found pride in the fact that I could say no.

It is literally "under my nose" as I speak, would love some support to stay away, but I know I'm going to say no anyway, it is a high that will do nothing for me in the long run, and I need to have respect for myself.

Thanks.

D.

August 27, 2005
10:58 pm
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Shaney
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Are you okay right now? Am I sensing something or am I imagining it?

Yeah, I read your post to lolli. Again, I think you said all of the right things - good for you. I apologized as well, a few posts up. I have to admit, I feel a little bit odd now... maybe scolded? (maybe that's not a good description...) Or like I'm afraid no one will post with me now, because I offended people? I don't know - I just feel odd.

You didn't respond - are you leaving the site, or just remaining silent about the H situation?

I like Eminem - BF looks a lot like him. I'm not a super-charged fan but I have a couple of his cds. Music is important to me - it's helped me through lots of lonely times.

The coke thing is hard. I can't say that I've ever been addicted but it's everywhere, and I have given in at times. I can't do it anymore - especially since I've been begging my bf to quit everything so we can live and be true to ourselves. We've been distancing ourselves from certain friends, going to church, bible study - name it... we're trying really hard, but there are still going to be temptations. Be strong girlfriend. Nothing good will ever come from giving in to it. My step dad once said to me, "If you were given one automobile in your lifetime, and it was the only car you would ever have... how would you treat it? You'd wash it, fill it with the best gas, take care of its interior, service it... etc.. I mean you would really have to cherish and baby that car to make it last a lifetime." He went on to say that we're only given one body, one life ...yet we abuse it. Isn't our life and our body worth more than a car?

Just something to consider in those weak moments - we all have them.

August 28, 2005
12:15 am
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lollipop3
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D-dog,

I posted a response on your other thread....so all I will say here is (((thank you)))).

Shaney,

I would also like to thank you for understanding my feelings. I'm sorry that you feel "odd" or "scolded". That was not my intention and I really don't want you to feel that way. I have always enjoyed both your and D-dogs posts and would like to continue to do so.

Ginger,

Thank you for your response on this thread. Your words made me feel as though I had been understood and I really appreciate that. Like D-dog, I think about you often and wish nothing but happiness for you both.

Love,
Lolli

August 28, 2005
2:30 pm
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D dog
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Can I slip in a little "H" news here?

He came over last night and brought Sandy.

We bonded, she's a great person. We talked, she does not want H. back.

Ya know what's funny? I don't think I want him back either.

I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I'd actually rather hang out with her than him.

LOL!

August 28, 2005
3:36 pm
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SexySadie
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Wow...D...reminds me of the night that I sat there talking to OW. I hope for your sake that Sandy really does mean what she says because I found out that OW said one thing and then turned it all around on me. Just becareful that she isn't working you over.

August 28, 2005
3:47 pm
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D dog
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True, SS, and thanks for the warning! But I think she is sincere, she's just one of those poeple...I don't know, I got a really good vibe from her.

Anyway, ya know what? I was just out lying by the pool (had to come in, it's like 250 degrees here today), and I had the sudden revelation that I seriously do not want him back.

I don't know if it was meeting her that did it, or the great advice for everyone on the site, or what, but...

I just feel like, what if I'm wasting time when a hugely stellar man who really appreciates me is out there waiting???

They are both very nice people, but...I just feel like H is not the man for me. I don't know WHY I feel this way! AAARRRGH! But for the first time in my life, I am really loving ME today!

August 28, 2005
3:50 pm
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SexySadie
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Good for you honey if that is what you truly want. I just know from my discussion with OW...she sat there telling me to my face that she thought he needed to come home because he was miserable...her answer...keep him drunk and loaded on drugs so he wouldn't be thinking straight. She has a tight rein on him right now and she isn't about to let go.

I hope that it works for you whichever way you want it to go...but never ever trust a woman...never!! That coming from a woman who is now best friends with her exhusbands exgirlfriend, LOL!!! But it took her 3yrs to figure out things for herself...she didn't want to listen to me and then she came crying to me when she realized I was right!!

August 28, 2005
3:56 pm
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D dog
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Here's my thought...I actually like her more than him. She has her head on straight, he doesn't.

True, she is a chick, and again, I'm not gay, but all 3 of us are human beings, so gender seperation aside - I feel that I deserve a MAN who has his head on straight. The only reason I have been hanging on to him is my codependency. It is suddenly clear. (Well, and he's really hot! LOL!)

I feel like I am floating on air right now, soaring thru the clouds (and I'm sober - go figure!)

Something inside me has changed.

August 29, 2005
9:34 am
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Anonymous
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oh boy -

recently I had the chance to talk to the ex wife and the OW - and NEITHER went well.

BOTH appeared to be sooooooooooo kind and sweet and we all shared same stories of lies and deciet. I was sucked in - I believed all they had to say.

problem is - they had THEIR interest at heart and alot of what they said was based on some "small" fact twisted with ALOT of lies.

their ONLY agenda was to make me hurt enough to give up on him and let them have him - and they continue to this day - only now I can spot it and work hard to not react. but in the meantime, their agendas make my BF's blood pressure rise and him to want to hurt someone - someday it will all go away - we have a new motto - do NOT feed the trolls - when we ignore them, they come trolling for trouble - and it's funny how hard they will try...the newest attempt was funny - tho he doesn't think so - but amazes me how low women will sink.

in the end - it appears that the OW was a codep. woman who thought she found a "wounded" knight and was going to provide for him like I wasn't - and when he chose me, her reactions/backlash was that of a true wounded codep. She has tried everything - contact, manipulation and more - just like I would have in the same situation in the past.

so beware.

August 29, 2005
12:12 pm
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lollipop3
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Ali,

I read your post and can't help but ask.....do you really think that BOTH of these women are lying to you?
That BOTH of them want him back?

You said that "we ALL shared some stories of lies and deceit." Isn't is possible that because you were telling the truth about the lies and deceit, that they were too?

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but reading your post really makes me believe that you are in denial about this situation.

You posted to another on this site, telling her not to blame the other woman (great advice in that post, btw) and yet, you seem to be doing the same thing.

I understand exactly how you must feel. I did the same thing. When I began dating my ex, everyone warned me about him. They told me stories about drugs, cheating, lies, etc. I chose not to believe them because I saw a different side of him, the side I WANTED to see. But ya know what, they were right. It took me two years of hell to figure it out, but they were right.

I'm not telling you to end your relationship, I am only suggesting that if you stay, do it with your eyes open. Accept the reality that you are in and go from there.

In the meantime, keep the focus on yourself.

Good luck,
Lolli

August 29, 2005
12:35 pm
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SexySadie
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I remember believing my exhusband's lies about his exwife...when we finally met I realized how similiar we were and how we had gone through the same thing. But I am sure that had we met when we were together, I wouldn't have believed it until I went through it myself with him.

I met my EXhusbands GF during her hell with him. Poor thing...she spent 3yrs with him, sharing him with God only knows how many OW...at one point 3 different women had keys to his loft. She finally asked me and I told her. We arranged a meeting with one of the other women. Thankfully she was able to get herself out of the situation and into therapy for 2yrs. The OW had gone along with the meeting, using it to her own benefit to get Kim out of the picture...today Kim and I are the best of friends. And the OW while she lives with my exhusband, she constantly is having to deal with his nonsense...but that's her choice.

August 29, 2005
2:14 pm
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I'm not comfortable with people posting here when they are drunk either. My father was an alcoholic and I've had enough of that environment. Also, its very hard to reply to a drunk post because I don't really know where the person is coming from given how alcohol effects the mind and emotions. I don't feel like I am helping someone who is posting while drunk.

D dog,
It does seem like a lot was said here to support you and it keeps going in one ear and out the other. I don't know if you really mean what you say about H now. Maybe you'll get drunk tonight and feel differently. It seems like your feelings are all over the place and your actions are not congruent with your words. I don't mean any of these as a criticizm of you just the truth about how it feels to me on the receiving end. I like you and care about you. I'd love to support you in getting sober and staying sober. But I don't think you are there yet.

love,
kathy

August 29, 2005
3:12 pm
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D dog
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kathgy,

I posted an apology to Lolli and everyone here and also to SC (To Lolli from D dog re: abuse of this site). It goes out to you as well.

Take care and thank you for trying to help me.

August 29, 2005
3:19 pm
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Shaney
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Hey D - Regardless of all the dramas we face day in and day out, I'm hoping you're doing alright. You'll figure this out - keep the faith.

Smiles from the 110 degree heat in L.A. - Sweaty Shaney

August 29, 2005
3:31 pm
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D dog
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Hi Shaney -

Gotcha beat, it's 113 here today! Thanks for the good wishes -

Dampened D dog

August 29, 2005
3:52 pm
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D dog,

I know you apoligized in the other thread but I just needed to express myself on the topic.

love,
kathy

August 29, 2005
4:46 pm
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D dog
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Point taken. And thank you for being honest.

August 29, 2005
10:14 pm
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Hey Lolli,

guess it's hard to be clear when you are trying to make a long story short or short on time.

when I spoke to his ex wife - I had gone looking for the answer to a specific question. The question was "where are the signed divorce papers that were never filed". He and her were supposed to file paperwork, and spent two days going over a mutual agreement - but didn't realize the cost of filing and put it "aside". well, while cleaning out some paperwork at the apartment, I found a letter, from his wife to some other guy - and she stated "I was supposed to sign the papers, but didn't - I'm sorry - I know I promised you - and know this is a deal breaker, etc. etc"...well, went to him with this, wanting to know WHY the papers weren't signed - he swore they were - I demanded to see them - he couldn't find them - and kept promising they exist and WILL be found - he was in the middle of moving. So, I got antsy and went and asked her flat out. the first day we spoke, she said no, and continued with stories of him continuing to sleep with her and such - for the length of my relationship with him - tho she could not give specifics (which was clue #1) - then she kept saying "give him a chance, he's a good guy" after filling my head with this garbage. I told her that if the papers could not be found - and she assured me they wouldn't be - he would be out tomorrow with a uhaul and she could have him back. THE NEXT DAY - she recanted - he hadn't talked to her, so I know it wasn't his doing - but she said she was hurt and wanted me to dump him - but in the end, wants to maintain his friendship and wanted to hurt me and him - but now doesn't want that - and the truth to the story was - she broke into his truck the night after his accident, while truck was in the body shop yard - and took the divorce papers and got rid of them - so that he couldn't file them - again, out of emotional outrage. She knows he keeps all important papers in his truck. Well, we confirmed that with video from body shop. After that, things were okay and she said she made up all the stuff cuz she wanted to hurt us.

the OW - when we were bitterly fighting about money and such - he was friends with this other person, and turned to her for shoulder to cry on - she knew about me, cuz we had spoken - she wrote to me during all this and asked if we were still together - he had told her we weren't - so I informed her all that was true - and she proceeded to tell me that she was sleeping with him for six weeks and that she has been at his family's for dinner for SEVERAL times, and continued to tell me how many times they had been together and "where" and such. After kicking him out, and taking time to think (about time I started posting here) - went back over time frames and such - and there was NO way her stories were ALL true. Later on, when he and I finally sat down to go over the REAL truth - or his version of it - it came out that they met a few times - nothing more than some heavy petting and such - and he didn't actually sleep with her until I kicked him out for wanting to go to a truck show when we were broke - again, my emotional outburst. Anyway - have recently confirmed that she in fact was only at his parent's for dinner twice - and that most of what she said was BS - in effort to hurt me - throughout all of our "friendly convo's" where I said I was done with him, she could have him, but why would she want him cuz he obviously cheats and lies, and she said she knew he cheated and lied but would probably go back with him anyway - cuz she loves him so much...anyway - later on, she found out some info and again contacted me and twisted it enough to make me think she might be telling the truth - I had to bring in his mom to confirm her story and in the end, had to accept that I either trust him or don't - and we have been working forward from there.

she has SINCE contacted me and sent me a text message forwarded from him supposedly - but it was mocked up and anyone could have sent it - when she got NO reply from him or me - she started sending him nasty notes - one of them a TRUE CODEPENDENT one - thanking him for the bullshit he gave her for the last month and three weeks - again - previously she said she had been with him for 6 weeks - this was almost a month ago when she made the claim - again - a fabrication and the truth comes out - I know his part in it - I saw his emails to her - and know what he said to make her believe they had a chance - there is no denial there - but he said he did the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and is tore up about it and we are in therapy and I am not focusing on that, and focusing on me and my recovery. When she sent the latest round, we CIVILLY discussed it, he showed me how it could have been mocked up - and the fact that she replied in total bitterness AND kept contacting me AFTER telling ME that she wishes the two of us psychos would NEVER contact her again - she texted me four more times - trying to convince me that the text was from him. the text originated from the tmobile website - so anyone could have sent it. I was with him the night in question, so I know he didn't.

anyway, I know I didn't need to answer in detail - but want to assure you, that I am fully aware of his role, my role and their role - and am working to correct all of the mistakes.

just worried cuz I found that the more I was involved with these people, the harder it was to work with him and work on trusting him - cuz I was being fed lies mixed with truth and had no way to tell the difference half the time.

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