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a moment of dumpiness
October 10, 2001
10:56 pm
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shugarmagnolya
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September 27, 2010
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i've been really down today. its a mixture of everything and my counselor just quit to spend more time with her son so i desperately need to vent.

i dont know where to go from here. i know every closed door is also a window of opportunity...but im searching and searching for something but dont know what. i just quit school because i wanted to find a job and start making money (i've been in school way too long for what i want to do). now the job market blows and most of my friends are getting laid-off and the whole thing is so discouraging...maybe i should've stayed in school but im not so now what?

i really dont want to be in this city but i have no money to get up in move. its gonna be cold and snowing here soon and i hate cold weather. my parents are supporting me completely right now and i feel guilty for relying on them so much. im also really lonely and have no confidence in myself.

my family seems to make me feel inadequate at times. i feel inadequate anyways but my father is always saying how this person has "pizazz" or "look at that persons confidence"...it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me cause i am shy. i also feel completely insecure around him. my mom means well but she says things like im "worthless" or a "space-cadet". i havent even felt like going out lately..im highly sensitive right now. im also working for my dads company doing his billing from my house. its so hard for me to work from home, i dont feel too productive and all i want to do is watch television.

i went kayacking out in the mountains today. it made me appreciate the simple things and i guess evaluate what im doing. i want to be happy i've been living this nonstop life, i needed to take a break and feel grounded, i just wanted to head for the hills perrmanently

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