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a little support
October 11, 2004
4:36 pm
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starryslp
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HI everyone,
I am really feeling the urge to call my ex. I could use some needed support. It has only been 2 days, but I can feel myself wanting to once again ask him why things didn't work out between us.

Someone talk me out of it....

October 11, 2004
4:42 pm
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angel1
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It will take time for these feelings to go away..just take care of yourself and share with people that can help you..through your hard times..your doing the right thing just by coming on this site..I WILL PRAY for you..Angel1

October 11, 2004
5:03 pm
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Anonymous
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Let's talk about the "why"...

Why do you feel like calling him?

Ren'ai

October 11, 2004
5:12 pm
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starryslp
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I guess because, I want an explanation as to why we didn't work out. I want an explanation as to why he so quickly made a commitment to someone else.
He has never answered these things, so I am still feeling like I can't move on until I know.
SO, 6 months later, I am still as attached as I was...and still as sad.

October 11, 2004
5:37 pm
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Anonymous
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I think if you get the answer now it will make it harder for you right now, You have gone two days which is really really good, I also think that maybe you should really figure out what you want to ask how you will ask it. I understand wanting to know anwers but most of the time when I want to know the answer, it isnt the one I wanted to hear, and it hurts even more.

October 11, 2004
5:41 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Starryslp: You probably won't get the answers you're looking for if you talk to him and you'll probably feel even worse afterwards. I found it helpful to read a pile of books re: "Getting Over It", in fact that's the title of one. As women, we tend to analyze and analyze and want to know the reasons and whys. Read some books like "101 Lies Men Tell Women" and Dr. Laura's book on "12 Stupid Things Women do to Mess Up Their Lives", Or "Women Who Love Too Much". Often its the bad choices we have made and linger on. Its not easy to move on but you have to- he has. Not an easy pill to swallow, I know. It takes time and you'll get there. SD

October 11, 2004
5:46 pm
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starryslp
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I know I won't get to hear what I want...which is that he wants to try again....I can't explain why I still call...It seems I can't help it....I wish I could find it in myself to have no contact...seems like that is the best way to move on.

October 11, 2004
5:46 pm
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Anonymous
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Will the answer to this question help you to "love" him less?

Ren'ai

October 11, 2004
5:49 pm
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Anonymous
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Your boyfriend occupied a space in your life, both physically and spiritually. He is gone, but you have left the space open--just in case...

Now you have emptiness as he moves on, which sucks. The key is to find things to fill up that space, both physically and spiritually.

What do YOU enjoy?

Ren'ai

October 11, 2004
5:59 pm
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starryslp
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I guess I am just wishing, hoping and praying we can go back to the way things were.

I want to be us, the way we were...

Why ca't i get it that just isn't going to happen?

October 11, 2004
6:49 pm
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Anonymous
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I'm sorry there is no such thing as going back. I wish there could be, but there isn't. These "life" cars only go forward--no reverse.

It is painful to see the end of a road, especially if it was a time full of fond memories. Sadly, memories is what you have left and that is all.

Around you, the earth continues her rotations. People go to work, school, die, are born, etc. We meet, speak, interact, and some of us form bonds as we move toward each other. Some of us wave over our shoulders at each other as our paths cross.

Your world has almost stopped. You have sat, waited, been patient, and I commend you.

Do for yourself what no man can ever do for you--get up. One step at a time and soon your past will be just that--PAST!!!

Love,

Ren'ai

October 11, 2004
7:02 pm
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amiok
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Hi Starryslp,
I can truly feel what you are going through. I have broken up with my boyfriend at least 10 times in the past 8 years. Sounds sad doesn't it.
Well, I have broken up once and for all this time. And yes, the temptation to call is very hard. The state that I am in now demands that I don't call him no matter what. I know deep down he is not for me. When the urge comes to call, I usually jump on the computer and play some word games. I know I will be going back 3 steps by calling him when I know I need to be away from him. And he is also trying hard not to call. Logging on to this site is great too. Calling a friend who understands your situation works out well. I have done this too many times. I have had it. I want more in my life. And it has to be now. If possible, take one day at a time and try to keep yourself busy when the urge comes upon you. It all takes "time". The only thing is that we don't want to wait that long, but we need to to start taking care of ourselves. I have been away from my ex for 2 1/2 months now. And it is getting easy. So hang in there. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you call him, take note of how you feel.
I wish you the best of luck. It does get better in "time". Be gentle with yourself.

October 11, 2004
7:05 pm
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SweetAmanda
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*chants* Don't Call! Don't Call! Don't Call! Don't Call! The urge will probably pass after a while. (let's hope) Try to do something else to get your mind off of your ex. =) *hugs* ~Amanda~

October 12, 2004
10:18 am
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starryslp
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I realized something last night while I was laying in bed.

The days I cry,are the days I talk to him.

I haven't talked to him in 3 days, and haven't cried.

Very Interesting.....

October 12, 2004
12:36 pm
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CAMER
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hi Starry, you just said it all in your above post....so next time you even think of calling him, remember you will most likely cry becuz of it.

Why not just post on this board, when you want to call him, and vent here with us....we promise to not make you cry!!!

hugs & support, camer

October 12, 2004
1:14 pm
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Anonymous
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You haven't talked to him in 3 days! You are getting down to business, now and things are going to get better.

I'm glad for you!

Ren'ai

October 12, 2004
2:22 pm
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starryslp
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Thanks for the encouragement....The longest in 6 months i have gone has been 7 days, so once I get to day 8, I will be very excited.
Today, it is really hard, I so want to talk to him.
Thought I don't know why. He won't tell me what I want to hear, so what is the point?

October 12, 2004
11:28 pm
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dvhenge
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you can do it, I know you can.

I just started the no contact again, I keep looking at the phone and the email, but I'm committed to no contact. Just need some time away, that's all we need, and some nice folks to listen.

be well,

-d

October 13, 2004
12:57 pm
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Patarino
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yes ... some time away and some nice folks to listen. (heavy sigh) counting the minutes ... want time to pass so I can say I made it through today.

October 13, 2004
1:07 pm
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starryslp
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depending where you are...I am in Mountain Time....You may only have like 10 hours left or so...You can do it.....I know you can...you will wake up in the morning feeling so much better and so proud of yourself.

October 13, 2004
1:24 pm
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Patarino
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I am in mountain time too. I will feel better really? Cause I feel like crap right now. She hurts me so damn much every day and I still keep letting her. Why? Why are we like this?

October 13, 2004
4:08 pm
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starryslp
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You can do it....

I know how you are feeling today...i so want to call him. it would ruin 4 almost 5 days of detox and wont do any good.....so i am thinking maybe posting here is good.

October 13, 2004
4:10 pm
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CAMER
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hi there!!! don't pick up that phone!!! you need to detox yourself from these people!!! I will support you the whole way, and I bet if you do call you will feel 10x worse after talking.....please keep posting!

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