Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
A life of disapointment & hurt.. now what?
February 20, 2005
8:29 am
Avatar
Bella8677
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

When does my failure stop? When does the pain go away? Who can I blame for this? And why me?

February 20, 2005
10:46 pm
Avatar
tenderheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have asked that many times. But I have come to realize a majority of the choices I made and the bad situations I have been in could have been avoided, because the warning signs were there. I thought I could fix the issues in the other's life. But I am not God nor can I do magic. I have to respect myself. Set up boundaries. When i was younger I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be with. And if they didn't meet that criteria I wouldn't pursue the relationship. As I got older I became more insecure and my objective was to get a boyfriend because all of my friends were in relationships and I had no one. So I took whatever came my way and adjusted my criteria down to very little or nothing. And that is what I found. ZEROS. So to your question. A life of dissappointment and hurt... now what? Change.. Well deserving happiness, new experiences. Set goals and work on acheiving them and set up new ones after they have been completed. Don't give up yet. Keep posting - tenderheart.

February 21, 2005
4:22 pm
Avatar
Bella8677
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thankyou Tenderheart. You are so right. While relizing my codependant problem, I realized that I have just come to settle, on who ever found me attractive. That answered the question as to why I have nothing but losers in my life. I cant give up yet, because my reasons for living are the three little boys that call me mommy. They have helped alot in the two divorces. But I cant hide the tears of failure. Look at what I have put them through. And what is their life cycle going to be like when they get in relationships. Will they turn out to be just like me? 27, twice divorced, and unable to manage a healthy relationship with anyone. We just moved from my parents house into our own, and my four yr old told me I needed a husband before we could move in. I broke down and cried right there. Do my kids hate me for putting them through hell? I wouldnt blame them if they did.

February 21, 2005
5:57 pm
Avatar
tenderheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I am 31 and a divorced mother of two , with two failed relationships. I think with a bit of counseling your kids will begin to understand and not hold anything against you. I lived with my parents and moved out with my kids a year ago. I felt that I NEEDED to have someone here to share my life because raising a son without a father figure to give him direction would be hard. I rushed into a new relationship, I had no set boundaries and ended up with a drug user and abuser. The best thing you can do for your boys is to be there for them. Set days to do things with them and set up days for yourself. Try not to bring someone into their lives so suddenly because they need stability. Now is the time to evaluate your choices and make the necessary changes so that I can use them in my everyday life. Once you find your happiness and recognize your likes and dislikes, there will be someone for you. Are your boys father in their life? If so, you then know that your not looking to find them a new daddy. So there shouldn't be a rush to find someone so quickly. Date and don't settle set up boundaries. Take it slow. Your kids will never hate you. Your their mother. They love you. - tenderheart

February 21, 2005
5:57 pm
Avatar
tenderheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I am 31 and a divorced mother of two , with two failed relationships. I think with a bit of counseling your kids will begin to understand and not hold anything against you. I lived with my parents and moved out with my kids a year ago. I felt that I NEEDED to have someone here to share my life because raising a son without a father figure to give him direction would be hard. I rushed into a new relationship, I had no set boundaries and ended up with a drug user and abuser. The best thing you can do for your boys is to be there for them. Set days to do things with them and set up days for yourself. Try not to bring someone into their lives so suddenly because they need stability. Now is the time to evaluate your choices and make the necessary changes so that I can use them in my everyday life. Once you find your happiness and recognize your likes and dislikes, there will be someone for you. Are your boys father in their life? If so, you then know that your not looking to find them a new daddy. So there shouldn't be a rush to find someone so quickly. Date and don't settle set up boundaries. Take it slow. Your kids will never hate you. Your their mother. They love you. - tenderheart

February 22, 2005
7:24 am
Avatar
Bella8677
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tenderheart,
Thankyou again for the advice. I am trying to be stable for my children. My two older children are from my first failed marriage, and the baby is from this last one. The first husband is just sorry. He wont get off his butt long enough to help me take care of them. He wants to be father of the year, but instead of putting forth the effort with them, he lets them down, and I have to hold them when they cry because he lets them down, and breaks every promise he's ever made to them. The second husband is just a mean man. He is trying every way possible to take my son from me. Not because he loves him, or can take better care of him, but because he wants me to hurt. I doubt he knows the baby's full name. But he wont pay child support either. Says we dont deserve it. He's just hateful. This is my track record. This is why I worry about my children and how they will grow up. Look who their fathers are.

February 22, 2005
7:30 am
Avatar
pedalsa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know how sometimes the same things come up over and over again in yourlife and then all of a sudden you realize that maybe you should pay attention. I have heard people mention this book "Search for significance" over and over again. I bought it yesterday and was surprised at what a useful tool it will be to help me make some changes. I have always known that I feared rejection but apparently way more than that I fear failure which may explain a lot of things. I too was thinking about my children and how I have handled the stress of the past few years (poorly)but all you can do is go on and keep trying. I hope that I can focus in on them more and give them more stability. I will pray for you and your children.

February 23, 2005
1:23 am
Avatar
tenderheart
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bella I am praying for you and your children that he will keep you safe and comforted. And Pedalsa I pray for you to. We all need encouragement and direction.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
55
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information