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A KEY LESSON on Self Worth. - Guy Findley.
July 24, 2004
4:26 am
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LA Rosa
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This is one of Guy Findley's Extended Key Lessons, he has others on his web site that I've found to be helpful and thought it may also be helpful to share this one with you.

Make the Fear of Being 'No One' Fade Away.

Looking for ourselves in the eyes of others throws us behind the walls of a psychic prison. The door slams shut each time we find ourselves feeling good about ourselves, simply because someone has given us a needed nod of approval. Let's investigate this strange sequence of events that leaves us in a prison of our own making.

Whenever someone approves of us, it gives us a feeling we like. These silent emotions tell us that we are good, wanted, or in some way important. But the real pleasure in these sensations is that it secretly serves to strengthen THE WAY WE WANT TO FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES, that we're worth being cared about, and that our existence has meaning.

If these positive emotions were the true end of a happy story, there wouldn't be a problem. But they're never the end. At the same satisfying moment of our being unconsciously identified with this feeling of being approved, something else is happening to us deep within our own uninvestigated nature.

As our approval-provided feelings of self worth starts to fade - which all such feelings do - we can begin feeling as though we too are about to fade away! But, if we could only see behind these feelings of fading back to obscurity, what we would see is that our feelings of self worth aren't really disappearing at all. They're only going through a state of flux, a psychic transformation that turns these once-pleasing emotions into their own undesirable opposites.

Now the same feelings that had confirmed us only moments before, become a source of misgiving, internally questioning us as to our own importance. So we start to worry. Maybe we are no longer needed? Maybe no one loves us? As this vicious, invisible, psychological process moves towards it's inevitable conclusion, we begin to feel a subtle form of fear, a distant dread.

We've all felt that unpleasant inner pressure of brewing anxiety. It heralds the coming of insecurity and self doubt, in much the same way as distant thunder warns of an approaching storm. And the stirrings of this first dark wave within, carries an unspoken message on it's winds. It warns us of a serious loss of some kind, if we don't do something right away to shore ourselve up. And so we go out looking for approval all over again!

Is there a way to break free from this approval seeking business? Yes, there is a way out. We must act on our new knowledge - and our new actions won't be so much what we do, as 'what we won't do'. Here's the bottom line drawn out in three points.....

1/ Never again go looking to another human being for his or her approval.

2/ Never again fawn over anyone to show that you're on his or her side.

3/ Never again exchange your smile in the hope that someone who is capable of betraying you, won't.

SUMMARY AND INSTRUCTION: Face your fear of disappearing, without doing anything about it - and something will disappear......BUT IT WON'T BE YOU!

This is the beginning of having your own life, of being your own person. Only this time your sense of yourself is coming from 'reality' itself. And this is the only approval you'll ever need, the only one that never fades.

- Guy Findley.

July 24, 2004
10:02 am
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Anonymous
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Wow LaRosa I really appreciate that.. It is so very true.. It is still hard to do when you are conditioned your entire life to look to others for love, acceptance, approval. The is truth in what you shared above. I thank you for sharing..And hope that I can work towards just that.. Love and approving of myself and knowing that's all I need..
*smiles*

July 24, 2004
10:41 am
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CAMER
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LaRosa, thanks for sharing and taking the time to type this up....gosh, i have to start "approving" of myself and stop worrying about others approving me.
Makes alot of sense, thanks so much!

July 24, 2004
2:40 pm
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cak
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LaRosa Good Stuff! I know I can use what he said.
Thanks a bunch
Cak

July 24, 2004
5:18 pm
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annastar
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What if you have high standards to respect yourself? What self-respect should be based on?

July 24, 2004
6:16 pm
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workinonit
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What are your high standards annastar and why are you being so mean to you?

I can remember literally seeing a cloud raise up over my vision when I would be faced with any choice involving confrontation. Especially with my ex-husband.

It feel so good to be more aware and making better choices.

I am actually beginning to pay attention to the 3rd point-the smile exchange thing- I have a very immature notion that everyone is worth trusting. I have been burnt over and over but the lesson is finally starting to gel for me.

What a wonderful validation of a process I am instinctively moving toward.

Thank you Rosa, I needed this!!!

July 24, 2004
10:47 pm
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LA Rosa
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Hi there everyone!

As soon as I read about how it is within each and every one of us, to give ourselves he approval we are looking for.....a lot of things made a lot more sense to me. It seemed only natural to want to share it with you all, as I'm aware that some of you would also find it to be enlightening. It filled me with a sense of reassurance, it answered questions, and I felt encouraged to let go of certain annoying habits that I'd been far too afraid and ignorant of letting go of in the past.

Out of all the 'Key Lessons ' that I had read before - this is the one that said "Share me! Share Me!"......and I thank you for letting me know that it's been appreciated, and has been my pleasure to share with you.

Annastar: Here's how I look at 'Self Respect', I think that by appreciating your own 'Self Worth' - or even trying to improve your feelings of self worth, when not feeling very comfortable when thinking you believe you haven't fullfilled your potential, and that you could really do better - then you are actually showing self respect for yourself anyway.

Self respect is something you just have - like pride, or integrity - whereas self worth could be something that you may feel can be improved on - and if you have high standards that you can respect yourself for living up to - or any reason that you respect yourself for, then you're already aware (on some level), that you've got some good cause to feel a heightened sense of 'self worth'. That then will effect your 'Self Esteem'. So if that IS the case, then by improving our sense of 'Self Worth' our 'Self Esteem' should improve as well. I'm hoping so!

If you'd like to read more 'Lessons' Guy Finley's web site address is.....

http://www.guyfinley.com

'Key Lessons' & 'Expanded Lessons' all the links are there on the left of the page - and it's necessary to scroll down, before you can actually see the perhaps enlightening information that you've clicked onto.

La Rosa.

July 24, 2004
11:06 pm
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Anonymous
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Thank you La Rosa,

I finally had the time to really read this and it makes a lot of sense!

Appreciate you posting!

Sunnygrl

July 24, 2004
11:41 pm
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Anonymous
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It is weird because I recieve the lessons in my e-mail and I don't have the heart to throw them away..Yet then end up in a folder, me thinking some day I will take the time to read them..

I can't remember off the top of my head but someone has posted things from Susie and Otto Collins I also get their news letter and it goes in a folder.. I guess I always have an excuse why I haven't kept up with them. It does amaze me here how we all seem to be seeking the same things and how two diffrent people here have shared things from places I have gone to also.. Just shows how much we all have in common kinda neat.. 😉

July 25, 2004
11:43 am
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Tumbleweed8
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Thankyou, LaRosa. Will check out that site.

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