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A great relationship, but...
May 16, 2000
7:20 pm
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Christie
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September 29, 2010
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I have been dating someone for a year now and he is the most wonderful man I have ever met. He's funny, intelligent and kind. I can totally be myself around him and we have a great relationship. He is the most trustworthy person I've ever known and always tells me there's nothing to worry about in the relationship. But...I always doubt it. I have something totally wonderful and I'm grateful for it...so why do I always feel like there's a problem or worry when there's nothing to worry about (he wonders why I needlessly worry too). It's like I fear the relationship will end when it's just beginning. I love this man and anyone would be happy to be with him. So, why am I so pessimistic and worrysome about "nothing at all"? It's starting to tick both of us off.

May 16, 2000
8:51 pm
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janes
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I would say....low self esteem. But I am no expert. I remember finding myself in the same situation. However, he also has a low self esteem so we got married and now it is us against the world.

You need to look at yourself and what has happened to you in the past ..not necessarily in a relationship either.

Trust ... You must have something special or he wouldn't hang around. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself how greatr you truly are...and then belieive it.

May 17, 2000
9:49 am
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Cici
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Past traumatic relationships color your judgement. Also, I agree with Janes, low self esteem is a big big big big issue.

Low SE can cause unconscious hypercompetitiveness. Some people become perfectionists and try to do well at everything and abuse themselves when they don't succeed. Some people become passive aggressive and resistant when even constructively criticized, which can retard progression in a relationship.

There's no easy way to help this, unfortunately. I had hard times trusting my fiance because of being in abusive relationships. I still do. You have to learn to stop and re-think your reasoning whenyou get jealous or insecure and start to pick at him or argue.

For example, yesterday, I called my fiance and he said he couldn't talk, he was at a friends house. Then, when he was in a hurry, he didn't say he loved me on the phone (I know, ridiculous reason to get angry). I took a walk and realized thatit was stupid of me to assume he was with another woman just because he was rushed. It turned out that he was working (he helps a friend who owns an apartment complex with maintenence).

So jumping to conclusions is a mistake that low SE people in relaionships often do. Try to teach yourself to stop and re-think your reasoning. Sometimes it helps to say it out loud to yourself. If it sounds ridiculous, it usually is.

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