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a funny thing happened on the way to the forum (on making NO decision)....
March 15, 2006
9:02 am
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Anonymous
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a funny thing happened on the way to the forum.....but seriously folks - it kinda did happen like that.

Just yesterday I was posting to someone that sometimes the best decision is NO decision - to sit on it - NOT think or obsess about it - and let the cards fall where they may - THEN make a decision - and watch, because many times, the decision is made for you - and it all works out better than you could have created.

I say this because I have found that the less I obsess about something - the better the outcome. I have been totally blown away each time this situation happens for me since my recovery started in August. Each time it does, it amazes me.

You see, I was a control freak. I obsessed over EVERY LITTLE TINY MINUTE decision in life. I felt I had to control my world down to the tiniest detail.

Recently, my brother and I drove to upstate NY to look at some property for sale. He has done well for himself and wanted a "weekend home" type property. Well, the property he found was GORGEOUS. And based on the prices his friend had paid for a lot, my brother tried to talk me into buying some land as an investment. And I really did think about it - and thought it was "possible".

So, I went home and came up with alot of questions - from how to afford it - how much will it cost - will I live there or save it for "later" - what's life there like....yada yada yada....alot of ideas floated thru my head. And then I decided to let it go. The properties weren't ready for sale yet, so none of my questions could get answered anyway.

Well, two weeks passed and I get an email from the developer. And my questions have immediate answers. I will not be buying the property. There are only three lots in the list that are REMOTELY affordable, and I am not comfortable stretching myself to buy a "weekend home" piece of land when I can't afford to build on it, and don't even have a "first home" yet. It appears that the first phase of properties were offered cheap, probably as a teaser, and now the third phase of properties are being sold at 3X the amount. And that's no bargain in my book. The properties in the third phase are no nicer than the first - it really is just a sales gimmick.

Anyway - now I don't have to spend a saturday trudging thru the snow and wind to agonize over whether or not I want land and which lot I want and how I will affod it and what will I do with it....the answers were given to me.

Sometimes the best decision is NO decision.

March 15, 2006
9:41 am
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Its great that you were able to make a decision (the NO decision) and be peaceful with it. For me its hard to be peaceful with any decision I make. Usually I end up constantly re-evaluating, going back and re-checking even though my first choice was the right one. I wish I was more desicive. I usually do make good decisions but with a lot of unneccecary agony. I wish I made them easier!

March 15, 2006
9:49 am
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on my way
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thanks ali for sharing.

March 15, 2006
10:00 am
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guest -

I certainly can identify with your agony.

I was that way too - I would have to get a million opinions from everyone else, and typically did my own thing anyway - then always second guess my decision.

It got so bad, that my decision making became impulsive - I would just make a decision - and then spend the next year trying to convince myself and everyone around me that I made the right decision and I liked my decision and was happy with it - when in fact, I probably wasn't.

Sometimes my decisions were good ones, sometimes and often, they sucked.

Learning to make no decision started with my CODA therapy - and 12 step meetings - and it got ALOT easier when I found an anti depressant that really put to rest the mental anxiety issues that caused me to think about things obsessively. I knew that no decision was a good decision - but often, my "brain" wouldn't shut off long enough for me to be okay with it.

Thanks to the medication - I can control my thoughts and emotions - allow myself time to think - without it becoming an obsession that consumes my waking moments.

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