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A Father's Affection - too much too little?
November 11, 2006
4:18 pm
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hoosiermom
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September 24, 2010
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I am a mother of 3 children, almost all out of high school. I am 40 years old and my husband is 45. I recently found out from my youngest daughter that things happened between my oldest daughter and my husband while she was in high school. (She is now 20 and on her own). Nothing "sexual" I suppose, but definately emotional....and some touching and getting to close for comfort. I guess this went on for 3 years. I didn't eat for 2 weeks, went to smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day thinking about how I would confront him with the situation. I finally built up the courage to do so and he admitted most of the accusations, said he was sorry and is pretty much playing it off like it's no big deal. I'm really not sure what I'm seeing here. Some great advice would be appreciated...

November 12, 2006
7:09 am
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D27
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HEllo
Speaking as a woman who is a survivor of molestation(my mother's husband)your daughter may need help. Im 27 and I never delt with this and now Im going through a whole lot of pain and suffering, and you know who I am mad at most...my mom.

I felt like she knew and never protected me. After my mother found out I was molested she told me not to tell anyone and I didnt for her. I felt like I was protecting her and to this day it seems like when I need her to be a mother to me she needs me to be a mother to her. She's messed up.

I really dont have a complete understanding of the situation but I feel as parents we should protect our children. She needs to know that she comes first. It doesnt matter if it was sexual it made her uncomfortable and its your job to tell her that it is ok to be mad at her father or you, she can talk to you, you will not judge her or blame her and that you are here to protect her.

I live in a completely different state from my entire family because I felt no one protected me. hoosiermom please I know this is painful but please do not ignore this situation because it is a big deal.

I would strongly advise you to go to support thread "why so I still feel pain when I was molested when I was five" maybe after reading what I have been going through for the last few days will give you some insite on what to do next.

And you said "Nothing "sexual" I suppose" meaning you arent too sure. It is time to find out. I wish you well.

November 12, 2006
11:56 am
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chardy
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hoosiermom

Playing it off like it's no big deal?? Doesn't he realise the seriousness of it.

My first husband sexually abused my daughter, he used to masturbate while looking at her when he thought she was asleep. We were seperated at the time and he had weekend access.

She didn't tell me about it until she was 23 and she had just given birth to her daughter. She was so worried that he could do the same to her! Like you I went to pieces, why didn't she tell me, was it my fault?

I wanted my daughter to take it further in court but she wanted to put it behind her. He denied it but I know my daughter is telling the truth. We have not had anything to do with him since.

Maybe you could speak to your oldest daughter and find out just what went on.

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