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a better day---a little more information....
January 22, 2007
10:22 pm
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ihaveasecret
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September 29, 2010
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thank you to everyone who responded.

today was a better day. i'm currently interning for a position that most people intern for only two months, i get to do it for a year. i believe i'm beginning to regret it. however, i feel this whole "super responsible" thing inside me that forces me to continue on, because i don't want anyone disappointed with me. anyway, my day today was better, though i feel like i'm really on edge. i feel annoyed... i don't like it.

well, anyway... Z comes home on friday. i'm scared he's going to see the cuts and be angry at me --- i lied to him, you see. i promised him i wouldn't do it anymore. i disappointed the one person who has always been there for me, no matter what... 🙁 i feel a large amount of guilt for this. i just...i want to get better so that we can focus on us, not on me. i feel so self-centered... it's ironic, since i feel like i've spent so much of my life dedicated to helping everyone else---yet, i think my need to help them is grounded in my need to be the center of it all. if i'm needed, then i have purpose. if i'm not needed, then i have to find my own purpose... argh. it's so complicated. i have so much i want to say...so little energy. a little bit at a time, i guess.

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