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36 years of marriage - should it be chucked?
September 17, 2005
5:50 am
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hippychick
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September 24, 2010
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Four days before my husband of 36 years retired I received a phone call from a woman who informed me that she had been having an affair with my husband for several months. I was mesmerized by what she said - for an hour and one half I listened. After I confronted my husband, he actually tried to tell our two adult children that I was mentally ill and had made the whole phone call up. When the phone bill came at the end of the month - guess who beat it to the mailbox in the hopes that he could dispose of the evidence? That was one year ago this week. Since then he has continued his abuse with alcohol, brought a prostitute to our home (I moved into an apartment several months ago for peace - I have a brain aneurysm that dictates that I have quiet and no stress) haha. Why am I even wondering what to do? I can now say that I am very co-dependent. How do I get passed this hurt? How does one let go of a 36 year relationship?

September 17, 2005
8:29 am
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Anonymous
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I don't know that you are necessarily codependent.

you moved into your own place - which a true codependent typically wouldn't do, despite doc's warnings about their health.

I think it's normal to wonder what to do. 36 years marriage is NOTHING to sneeze at.

I don't know your whole history - but my initial gut feeling is that you are going thru normal withdrawl from your marriage.

I read someplace that it takes six months plus a month for every year you were together, to get over someone - when you are healthy minded. That being said, if I have my quote right (and I think I do, but might not) but that being said - that would mean it would take you 40 months, almost 4 years, to get it out of your system.

I think therapy for you - to help you rebuild your life and esteem and take care of your physical health as your first priority is critical - but I wouldn't stress yourself out that you are codependent.

now - as I said earlier - this is only based on what little you wrote - maybe you are codependent - throughout your marriage, but you didn't give me any details of what life was like prior to the breakup.

take care of you - that's the most important part.

September 17, 2005
10:08 am
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lita
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September 30, 2010
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Hippychick, iam so sorry for what your going through. i will tell you it does get easier. counseling does help. i come here to post almost everyday. it helps so much also i have been in therapy for a while nowit helps also. you seem like you have the will to make a change. i know its hard. but you also dont deserve tobe treated this way. i have seperated from my husband has well. we were together 16 years. he did and still does try and make me seem like iam crazy. like when i confronted him about the woman he is seeing he tells me oh you always get this way when your drunk. guess what i dont drink , i dont even have a drink casually, so whos crazy get what iam saying. it seems like the more things you find out there doing wrong the more they want to switch it around on you. to make you and everyone else think your crazy. that is hard to take from someone who claims to have loved you all these years you know what i mean. anyways be strong, my prayers are with you. cant wait to here from you

September 17, 2005
11:33 am
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Mr Niceguy
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Dear Hippychick, You've been belatedly liberated from a dysfunctional husband, it must be very hard but never too late to get to a better, much happier life. I just imagine that many people NEVER admit or realize they live in bad situations. I've been together with my wife for 25 years, married for 20, realizing over time it had never been based on real love. I'm trying hard to get to separating for everyone's sake but don't want to make waves. It's hard. I would not want myself or my wife to wake up with a brutal fait-accompli forced on us. Take your situation as a liberating experience, look for the happiest elements in your situation and future. Make your apartment a haven for yourself, meet people just for the fun of it, avoid toxic people and situations as best you can. And deal with past regrets gently and in small doses, if possible. We only have one life, work hard to move towards increasing happiness. Sounds rather cliche, huh? Good luck!

September 17, 2005
7:25 pm
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hippychick
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Since I'm new at this I just answered the four of you by making up a new "thread" name: Married 36 years and... - oops. Hope you will look for my response and we'll talk again. Thanks so much. smile

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