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3 Days over - I need help!
October 11, 2003
5:54 pm
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Hermione
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This is so hard! I am feeling so alone. I am trying to hold my head high and keep going for the sake of my son. I have little support, limited transport, we live in a country town so everyone knows our business. I'm trying to respond to my situation with self respect and dignity but I am so sad and feel so alone. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

October 11, 2003
9:39 pm
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gingerleigh
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Sending positive thoughts your way today. No matter what the outcome, you know in your heart that you tried, did the best you could with the resources you had at your disposal. It's OK to cry, it's OK to be hurt and scared, but know that you were strong enough to get here and so you are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at you, one day, one minute, one second at a time. Hang in there.

October 11, 2003
10:20 pm
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mj
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Hey Hermione, you don't need to feel alone. We are here for you and if you want, were having an campout tonight....at the coffeehouse, grab your sleeping bag and come join us...I am just trying to keep awake over there 😉

October 12, 2003
1:45 am
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Hermione
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Thanks guys. Your thoughts must have made it this way! I really am lucky - here I am thinking I am the one who has to be strong for my son. He is the one who demanded a picnic today - I looked at myself in the mirror thinking 'what a mess!' but we packed up our stuff, I hid under a sunhat and we walked down to the local playground. He found someone to play with and I got to read some Barbara Sher in the sun. Another day through and Barbara's words are so inspiring that I know I will get there - and knowing that you guys are out there is a big help too.
Look out campout - I'm bringing the marshmallows!

October 12, 2003
10:16 am
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mj
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You Rock Hermione!!!
You got the posi-tude and that's what helps me the most.

Glad that you could reach out and we could be there. Sounds like you are on a good path, reading positive affirmations and playing. These always help me to help myself.

Big Hug...and Good Morning. Glad you ventured out. 🙂

October 12, 2003
4:16 pm
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Hermione
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Thanks again mj - I'm off to work - I look like I haven't slept for a week. I am hoping that I don't have to face too many questions as I think I'll crack! I've decided to use the standard answer of 'I can't talk about it at the moment'. Chin up - here goes!

October 12, 2003
4:22 pm
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mj
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Hugs dear friend....

October 13, 2003
10:28 am
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Anonymous
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"you tried, did the best you could with the resources you had at your disposal."

I should remind myself of this more often.

October 13, 2003
5:04 pm
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Hermione
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I'm doing OK. I just feel like I'm in Limbo - waiting to see what happens. I'm trying to be constructive - looking at future plans that take my needs and my son's needs into consideration.
I'm exhausted by just keeping on going - I'm fearful about seeing him now in two days. Almost like back to where I started from - but with a lot of thinking under my belt.
It has become obvious that he has not been honest during past counselling sessions so I feel like rather than accept his part in this he will again refuse to be honest. It makes me feel like 'what's the point'. At least the counsellor will be present.
I feel like I will just spend the whole time crying and being angry. I've started to put down on paper what I need to say so that if I can't keep it together I can still have a voice.
I've got counselling for myself tomorrow so I guess she will help me to work out what to say in a way that he may be able to accept it. Its going to take a lot of courage from both of us.
I have also thought of the possibility that he may not even turn up. If a person does not want to face themselves it is easier to blame others and find the 'outs' as the easy option. I can not assume that he is willing to take a look at himself - this may just be too risky for him right now. His actions have been drastic so he must be feeling pretty low. Then again he could be riding on a high thinking he's got it all figured out. Either way I think he's considering the session as a way to set his plans in stone - he has been happy not to consider us so far - why should I be expecting any different from our next encounter.
Let me know what you think.
Thanks again guys!

October 13, 2003
11:52 pm
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Hermione
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I can see myself turning in circles. Do I want this man back in my life? Will anything be truly different? Can I run the risk of this happening all over again? I do love this man but is that going to be enough? He says he loves me so why would he treat me this way? Should I just notch it up as an experience that I can learn from and move on regardless of what he wants? What do I want? Peace and harmony, love, trust, honesty, openness, respect - will I find this with my husband? It is what he offered me through our wedding vows! Is this more than he can or is willing to offer.

October 14, 2003
12:01 am
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mj
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Keep Pondering what you feel and you will find your answers. Sometimes it happens while circling.

October 14, 2003
5:59 pm
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Kathleen
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Hi Herminone

Hang in there girl things will only get better. I am going to pray for you and your son.

Kathleen

October 14, 2003
9:00 pm
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Hermione
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Thankyou Kathleen and mj I truly appreciate it! I am in the middle of my day knowing that I have counselling this afternoon. I know that I am being brave and that by standing up for myself I may not end up with my husband but I will end up with self respect. Knowing this and following through with this are two different things.I am hoping my counsellor can help me find the strength and the steps to follow through. Thanks again, H

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