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2B/Frayed -
July 22, 2005
2:33 pm
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frayedknot
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Hello everyone. All are welcome to this thread... Please feel free to join in the conversation and or share your problems. During the next days or weeks, I will be leaving this site. I have appreciated everybody's help and enjoyed all of your personalities.

There has been some concern that 2B and I are having conversations that are a little too encouraging to each other. I was hoping that starting this thread would allow those who feel that way to avoid our conversations. It is in no way meant to exclude anyone..

Frayed

July 22, 2005
2:37 pm
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kathygy
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I'm totally confused. I don't know what thread you're refering to. What do you mean when you say your conversations were a little too encouraging to each other??? I don't remember seeing anything like this on this web site.

July 22, 2005
2:38 pm
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Just Lost
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this sucks. Like a lot of things in life, it's just not fair that you have to leave. Although I know the reasons why. It just sucks that there can be no middle ground.

July 22, 2005
2:41 pm
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Just Lost
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I just read the last thread. I didn't mean to imply that MCO was a graduation. I just meant that there was only 3 of us and 2 of you are close to being recovered. I am still in a quagmire and that may not be good for me to be there. Sorry about the statement not being clearer.

July 22, 2005
2:43 pm
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2bstrong
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Yeah Frayed! Taking the proverbial bull by the horns!

Thank you friend.

Yeah Kathy! Thank you for posting. Have you read the the thread "2b: in responsed to..." That's where the hub bub is. You might read and comment there. This thread is dedicated to personal well-being, smiling, and happiness!

Just Lost: This IS the middle ground.

Love to all--2b

July 22, 2005
2:47 pm
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frayedknot
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2B

In answer to your questions and response to your statements in the new day 2B thread...

That would be very difficult to not have your signifigant other join in your family/friend functions. Those are the times when you want them around the most..

Is Paul Harvey still around?

Regarding my weekend plans:

Just got a call from my daughter.. She was crying because her mom won't let her back in the house... period. She feels like she has no home. She is staying with some friends about 20 miles from here. She is going to stay with me tonight and we are going to the house to get her things tomorrow. I felt soooooo bad for her.. It's a long, long story.. It's not my daughters fault.. Also, I have my youngest son tonight... And, I have a team tennis match. Tomorrow night, I'm going to a crab boil...

It's funny.. Two months ago, I felt like I had no life. Now, I can't seem to get any free time. That's helped me so much in moving on... Filling my life with new activites and friends...

Frayed

July 22, 2005
2:56 pm
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frayedknot
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JL

Thanks so much.. You have always been so nice and encouraging. The personalities on here are great. You are one of them. I'm hoping this site will be ever changing.. New people will find it.. Some people will get the courage and strength they need and move on to never return.. Some will get what they want and return just to say hello.

You seem a little better.. When do you work today?

Frayed

July 22, 2005
3:44 pm
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2bstrong
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Frayed--

What happened to your lady friends? Are you still mixing it up with them?

Here are my goals for the weekend:

Tonight walk/run; get a pedicure; meet friend(s) for cocktails somewhere; might meet at the art museum. There's a nice lakeside bistro nearby there.

Saturday: Workout, clean my house it's chaos; find something to where to the party; party in the evening. Possible haircut too.

Sunday: Plan on taking my seven year old nephew to the water park. Should be hilarious! Later that night, go see the movie the Wedding Crashers--per you recommendation.

Sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope it will work out. She is at an age where she is testing her wings as a mature adult. It can be difficult relating to the parents. It sounds as if you have a good and stable relationship. I have a very good relationship with my father. My mother and I have had our bouts.

2b

July 22, 2005
3:57 pm
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Just Lost
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I am at work now until 3 am. Luckily, my supervisors have allowed me to take two hours off tonight to attend a singles dinner.

I'm reading how two months ago you felt as though you had no life. Maybe I'm just four weeks behind you. I'm really hoping that is the case.

Today is day one of no contact. I'm actually being very mean about and I shouldnt be. She still gets mail at the house and I feel like not telling her. Blockbuster called today about her late videos. I didnt call her. She still has furniture in the house she wants but she owes me $2000 for her car. I got mad and took the house keys from her. All things I shouldn't be doing. But just for a moment, I felt like I was in control.

July 22, 2005
3:58 pm
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kathygy
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I think the SC asking you to leave the site is ridiculous. I think the guideline is ridiculous. I see nothing wrong with people meeting on the outside if that is what they want to do. We are adults here. As I said before I have attended 12-step meetings for over 20 years and fellowship outside the anonymous meetings is encouraged. I have developed deep and strong friendships through the 12-step meetings. Many people have met there and married. It never harmed the anonymous meetings. I don't see any harm in people meeting and supporting each other on the outside. I think it is up to the individual. They can still be annonymous when they are here.

love,
kathy

July 22, 2005
4:00 pm
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frayedknot
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2B

I have toned things down on the "lady friend" front. Last weekend, I told the one from a few weeks ago that we just aren't looking for the same things. She wants a serious relationship.. and, I'm just not that in to her. Funny, she told me she read that book..

Now that my buddy got dumped by his girlfriend, we both have more free time. He's a great friend.. We have been friends for 19 years. We use to do things together with our families for the first 16 of the last 19 years.. He got divorced three years ago. My wife and I split a year ago... We officially divorced in April..

I want to see wedding crashers. Maybe I will go Sunday...

I'm leaving work. I will get online at home for a little while before picking up my son and going to tennis...

Are you off line all weekend?

I'm glad you are still going to Orlando..

Frayed

July 22, 2005
4:02 pm
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Just Lost
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frayed: i got to know. how did you get her out of your mind and how long did it take?

kathy: as a codependent in relationships, can i get anything out of going to AA meetings or should I just stick to codep meetings?

July 22, 2005
4:12 pm
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Frayed... I'm curious how the last woman you were seeing took the news when you told her that you weren't that into her??? Afterall, you had just... well, you know!!!!

Was she devastated? Were there tears, did she throw any punches at you??? Any stalking happening???

C'mon... details man!!!! I need a distraction!!!!!

July 22, 2005
4:15 pm
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Just Lost
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tc,

distraction from ??

July 22, 2005
4:15 pm
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Distraction from my own drama!!!

July 22, 2005
4:30 pm
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Just Lost
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my problem too. sitting here with idle time causes more anxiety. but i can say that i've stopped wondering (for the moment) if she will ever call. now that i think about it, the last time she called just to chat about something other than our marriage problem was......8 weeks ago? am i really that stupid? but then I remember the morning of July 2 where she told me that she cared about me and was seriously thinking about moving back home....at least until the divorce was final. I asked her about that only 5 days later and she said it was no longer a good idea. Now, July 21, she's tired of hearing from me. Talk about total insanity. I guess that's why today has to be day one of NC

July 22, 2005
4:30 pm
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Just Lost
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frayed, if you are throwing away anyone 25-36 years old, throw them to me!!!

July 22, 2005
4:33 pm
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2bstrong
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Kathy, I completely agree with you. I attended my first Al-Anon meeting last Monday and they invited me out for coffee. There is a lot of emphasis on fellowship. I thought that was really cool. Those going to Orlando are kind of doing reverse anonymity, with the intent of fostering friendships, and most importantly, HAVING FUN! I am really looking forward to it.

Frayed...Glad you have a buddy, I am sure he is grateful to have you too. It makes all of the difference in the world, doesn't it? A partner in crime, so to speak?

I will check in online tomorrow and Sunday. Maybe we'll cross. I hope turnabout gets on, too. She's been busy!

I have to say, the laugh of the week for me was the "One legged man in an ass kicking contest". I have chuckled over that several times.

2b's vacation goal: Be able to feel confident in my new bikini! *GASP* I can't believe I said that! : )

We are doing so well. Thank you for all of the support and encouragement all. This has been a good week.--2b

July 22, 2005
4:42 pm
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2bstrong
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Just Lost--Do you go to the gym or do any sort of workout program? I apologize if you have told us this before. I find that it helps me so much. It adds structure to my day, and provides conversation and distraction. I also have a walking partner. It helps a lot. You need to beef up your support system, Just Lost. Find a support group. I started Al-anon this week and I love it. It is going to help me a lot because it puts the focus on me, and how I can improve me and my life.

July 22, 2005
4:43 pm
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Just Lost
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some time today, i realized part of the reason i am having so many problems is that I am digging up the past. I keep looking at calendars seeing how it was different only three months ago. I think about vacations. I think about where I was a year ago, six months ago, etc. I think about the last time I went to certain restaurants with her.

I have to stop that. I have to realize that I cannot do anything about those days. She has chosen to leave them all behind for good. The only way I can move on is to do the same. I have to expect that I will never ever hear from her again. I have to look forward somehow. Why is it so hard to do? Is it because all of us here have morals and conscience? Sometimes I believe that my wife has absolutely no morals or values at all. For someone to tell you a year later that she is perfectly ok to get a divorce because on the day of your wedding she decided to take the chance, then there is something lacking in that person. Something at her core that is dysfunctional. I know I am rambling badly now.....

July 22, 2005
4:46 pm
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2bstrong
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Just Lost: Want to emphasize, Al-anon meetings are different from AA meetings. Al-Anon is for people who have relationships with Alcohol dependents. They are not alcoholics. Al-Anon was the precursor to CoDA.

July 22, 2005
4:49 pm
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kathygy
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SC, I mean no disrespect to you. I'm sure you have your reasons for this guideline. I just disagree based on my extensive life experience with personal growth organizations and meetings.

just lost, I think you can get something from AA depending on the reason you are going. What is your background?

frayed and 2B, I will miss you. Have a great time in Orlando!

love,
kathy

July 22, 2005
4:51 pm
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Just Lost
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would it do me any good to go to al anon.....there is only one coda here in town

July 22, 2005
4:55 pm
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frayedknot
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TC

Funny you should ask about the lady I was dating.. I went to the beach last weekend with my daughter. We parked at the ladies house and all went to the beach together. I went for a run.... 35 minutes... Left her and my daughter alone (18)..

After taking my daughter home, I went back for a BBQ that afternoon. After everyone left, she told me about a conversation she had with my daughter while I was gone... My daughter told her I was just out of a serious relationship and she thought I should be friends first and not rush into anything, etc. The lady told me she didn't want to be my rebound. Now mind you, she was engaged to someone she had been with 2 1/2 years and split in February. I told her she is my first relationship (6 or 7 dates?) since my ex and I can't help that she was number 1 after my ex. We just talked and agreed that she was looking for more than I could provide. She's not the stalking type, etc... It wasn't long enough for anyone to be devastated.. I also told her I thought that was a pretty deep conversation to get into with my daughter in a first time meeting..

Frayed..

July 22, 2005
5:01 pm
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Wow! Sooooo... You had your DAUGHTER break up with your girlfriend for you???? That's brilliant!!! Why didn't I ever think of that myself?? I'll have to start training my children now!!!

I'm kidding. That's very cool that she was ok with it and you are still friends.

Good for you!

TC

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