Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
2b, in response to the 'how are you' thread (ef)
July 9, 2005
4:37 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b, wanted to mention to you that it is a sort of panic attack my therapist says (about fetal position)...a lot of people describe it to her as feeling trapped or cornered or defeated and scared, but too emotionally exausted for either fight or flight. For me when it happened it was like hugging myself and telling myself that there was no-one else, like I was clining to myself as all I had, and protecting myself from the world that felt so against me at the time. I just wanted to curl up and disapear. But I think it may not b entirely unhealthy, I did it in hard labor with my daughter too, and they said I was losing my ability to cope with the pain and needed to withdraw in a possition I felt protected in. Just a thought.

July 10, 2005
12:54 am
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that's where I'm coming from now, EF... I like the way you said that. Once I gain full confidence in my right to have my needs and in having them met ...once I feel capable of meeting my own needs, I'll be ready for a relationship. They say the most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves. How can any other relationship be healthy if that one isn't?

And I relate to the hope of making him SEE. It seems so clear to us that they are pushing a great person out of their lives (us), why can't they see it? And we know it would take so little to prevent destroying what we know is valuable. Why don't they see that they are destroying it and how easy it is to fix? And we know deep inside that we won't take that treatment forever, so there is this desperation to make them SEE b4 we completely give up on them and everything is unsalvagable. (I use that word a lot, too. Trying to salvage things. Isn't it a sad word?) But I'm not worried about it now. I know I am accessible, and I know I am reasonable. Things will never be the way I thought they were, but being on good terms would be possible if he showed some accountability and a little appreciation. But facing what he lost is HIS responsibility alone; it isn't mine to make him SEE.

July 10, 2005
10:13 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Guys...

Just saying a quick hello. Enjoyed reading all of your posts. Just checked in on Dennis, turnabout. Looks like it will hit land in a couple of hours. I will be thinking of you.

Sdesigns--I think i have that book somewhere. I appreciate you posting it again, those reminders of where we have been never hurt. Although, I think I'm still there.

turnabout and Frayed, I love the reunion idea! I wonder if we could get away with it? Like meet at Orlando airport with our shirts on at a general time on a specific day? I like that kind of stuff and it's the excitement I need in my life right now!

I am a beautiful woman who wants a good person interested in a healthy relationship. That's for the record. 2b

July 10, 2005
10:33 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2b, it is so refreshing to go to my computer and hear a woman be able to say such a thing...I can't wait till that's me--gives me hope!

July 10, 2005
11:15 am
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good morning all...

Turnabout.. I'm not sure exactly where you are... but, If you're close to the expected landfall.. Please be very careful. They are saying this one is worse than Ivan.. We're getting bands up here in Jax.

2B, Turnabout, etc.. A get together would be fun.. I can drive to Orlando in about the same time it would take to go to an airport, get frisked, and fly, etc. It's a little over a 3 hour drive.. I would love a get away as well..

I too am looking for a healthy relationship.. I guess we all are. Regarding my looks, I will let that be the opinion of the eyes of the beholder.. I don't get too many complaints. It sounds like many of the ladies posting here are quite pretty.. On that subject, my buddy and I have different tastes in women. It's great that we are all attractive in some way to somebody..

EF... You should be able to post the same comments as 2B. Based on your previous posts, sounds like you have plenty to offer the right man..

Did everybody have a good weekend and spend some time doing something besides dwelling over their ex? No drinking and dialing occurred? I was a good boy.. Kept busy...

Frayed

July 10, 2005
12:39 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Frayed, thank you so much...I meant in general for us codep ladies to reach a point of rel self love. I know there is a lot of good to me, and vain as it sounds, I could really be a great catch--EXCEPT, i am not happy with me, how can I be happy with anyone else? If i can't get teh love and respect I need from myself, where THERE is a real chalenge. I'm starting to think that I would really be the best trophey partner I could hope to land, if I could just win myself over at last. Maybe if I treated it like the pursuites of men...? But, the last thing any of us need is to play games with ourselves. Maybe the key is practicing a healthy relationship on ourselves before applying it to other unsuspectings?

No drink 'n dials here, though ex's grandmother who I really like is very sick, sent he and his mother a very direct sympathy message from my daughter and I, but blocked their addresses for the time being to let it be just that and not get drawn into any false-family bonding. I must say I am impressed with my maturity AND my ability to see into the future and head off these sorts of things. Sometimes it feels so good just to look and see right in front of my face that I'm doing healthy things and seeing paterns and avoiding them, often without even trying.

Turnabout, I hope all is going ok there, please keep us posted! Do you have a backup plan if things get hairy? I know everyone will be thinking of you through this. BE CAREFUL!

July 10, 2005
1:00 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

EF

It sounds like you have a great attitude. I wonder if some of your insecurities stem from being "put down" most or all of your life? Jealous schoolmates etc. can be mean to pretty ladies... Also, the men you have dated make you feel like you are too judgemental, etc. That can give you insecurity issues. Maybe, just one good healthy relationship with someone who respects you and whom you respect could go a long way to developing a better image of yourself, etc... Also, just hanging out with friends who really care for and respect you can be helpful..

Deed down inside you understand what a great catch you are.. That is a tremendous realization. build on that..

Just out of curiosity, what traits could you share (don't want to pressure you to share any very private feelings) that cause you to be unhappy with yourself? Can you put a finger on them?

Good job handling the ex grandmother issue and setting safe boundaries...

Frayed

July 10, 2005
1:04 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

I was at the Jacksonville airport all weekend looking for someone in a 2B t-shirt.. You didn't go to Jacksonville, Missouri did you?...... LOL

Tunabout

Please let us know you are ok whenever it is convenient for you... Our thoughts are with you

Frayed

July 10, 2005
1:45 pm
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh, dear. What exactly are your shirts going to say again? You guys are hysterical. 2b, you seem to be in excelent spirits lately!

Turnabout, been keeping y eye on the weather--I hope you are well!

Frayed, I was actually very unatractive until a certain age, then blossomed--in my family it's superficial and shallow to care about your looks, to the degree that it is treated as shallow just to have good looks at all, I was always at odds. Easy attacking point for my stepmother. And then, yes, put down a lot by exs, what with the Alcoholic thing. I guess it plays intot he disfunction I know how to live with best from the first one and my stepmother.

The things I don't like about myself and am working on are my willingness to hand emotional power over me to someone else (I have a very hard time owning my feelings), my opening myself up to mistreatment and then resenting it--resentment in general. ANd I put my whole life on hold for the next big love, as of now I am only a few credits shy of my interior design degree and being able to get licensed and such, but I quit school to help ex feel like we had enough time while he worked on finishing at Notre Dame.
And then I moved to where he lived that summer instead of getting my own s**t togeather becasue HE needed to feel good about where we stood before HE moved to Euorope for a year to realize some of HIS dreams. Then, when I found out i was pregnant I worked three jobs, called like a pathetic mess every night about where we where at, why he never called, even after I dumped him it was all about him, even when I found out about his betrayels, even when the emotional abuse I was suffering was affecting my ability to cope with parenting, even when he used postpartum depression as a tool to push my buttons, it was always ALL ABOUT HIM! ALL ABOUT US! This entire relationship is an example of what I can't be happy with anymore. I don't want to be this person, I don't want to unleash this sort of person I have been on an actually healthy person, but for the love of all, I can't just keep dating alcoholics and drug addicts, and while I am fine being a single mother and woman, at some point in my life i will want normal healthy stable companionship.

Typing this out, though, one thing I see clearly is DRAMA! Wow, how am I ever going to feel the electricity in a healthy relationship? This last ex was supposed to be the 'good guy', fancy school, well to do, polite, everyone thinks he's just the greatest golden-boy ever. Super smart, well traveled, sensitive, can keep a secret...it is starting to seem like I will ALWAYS find the one with complimentery dysfunction to my own, but that they will look better and better to the outside world each time...yikes.

July 10, 2005
2:17 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

EF

That's interesting. My first real love blossomed late also. I kind of know what you mean.

Interesting that your family thinks good looks are shallow, etc. Blossoming and looking good maybe made you feel guilty? Self conscious, etc.

Your last ex had all of the "outside world" markings of a great guy, but, he has alcohol issues also? That's exactly what my last ex is. My mom and sister were in email contact with her quite a bit. They thought she was so classy and sweet. They thought I found a remarkable jewel. They never knew about her drinking problem (and what goes with it). And, I never told them because it was going to get worked out... ha ha ha!! Now, they know all of the truth about her and can't stand her. I kept lots of secrets from them..

I'm guessing you will recognize the flags of mistreatment/addiction abuse quicker in your future relationships. You must stand up for yourself quicker and end the relationhsip quicker if need be. You have learned a lot lately and probably won't make the same mistakes. The only way you will know for sure is to continue meeting people. I'm betting you won't let the same things happen to you again..

It's nice that you are considerate in your relationships.. You just need to find someone who is considerate back to you (and doesn't take advantage of you). Someone whos understands your needs and puts them first when necessary..

Be proud of and happy with your looks, etc. A lot of ladies would probably love to trade places with you...

Frayed

July 10, 2005
2:21 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

You do seem to be in a better mood this week as compared to last week when we lost track of you.. I was a little worried about you this weekend (because they can be tough) until I saw your post this morning. I'm so happy that you are doing better..... :o)

Frayed

July 10, 2005
9:46 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey guys. Checking in. We dodged the bullet here. No wind damage or power loss. My sis in P'cola is without power, but I heard it wasn't nearly as bad as Ivan.

On a side note, this has been an interesting experience in how codep my parents are with me. They wanted me to evacuate with them. I think they expected me to. I chose to sit it out and made all the necessary preparations. It was a mature decision made with sound judgement. (I'm in Mobile, but not on the coast.) I swear they depend on me depending on them, and the older they get, the more they need to be needed. There were many freaked out phone calls b/c I wasn't going to be safe. When I got sick of it and told Dad he was overdramatizing, he answered that he wouldn't be overdramatizing when he stood in a cemetary over his daughters' graves. (he was upset with my sister, too) He actually said that. You know how most people are killed or injured during a hurricane? They're either idiots who don't stay inside, those who don't evacuate coastal regions, those injured during post-storm cleanup, and the disabled who depend on electricity. We sad through Frederic in '79, so I knew what I was in for. It would be scary, but I would be safe. But it's like I said to Sis... their dramatics weren't really about keeping us safe, but having that feeling of security that we were safe. I felt bad for worrying them, but stood by my decision, which I'm proud of. They can wear me down sometimes.

July 11, 2005
12:38 am
Avatar
exoticflower
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

turnabout, glad to hear you are ok, and also glad to hear that you are strong enough to have handled the codep issue on your own too! Takes two to tango (or three here, I suppose...), so glad you felt comfortable enough to sit it out if you didn't want to dance. Thanks for keeping us posted, I was wondering about you all day.

July 11, 2005
7:22 am
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Turnabout

Glad Dennis fizzled a little at the end and you are safe. Thanks for keeping us posted.

Good job on standing up for yourself regarding your parents..

Fayed

July 11, 2005
10:09 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry I didn't get back to all of you yesterday.

Turnabout: Good for you! You made it through the storm. That is a beautiful metaphor for all of us here today. My parents are full-time worriers too. That is just them. Sometimes I can tolerate it, and at other times, it is overwhelming. I am sure that I have my moments, too.

Hi Frayed: Thanks for keeping this thread alive. In response to your earlier post, I "Faked it" this weekend. I really did cry a lot. Mostly reminiscent tears. Very sad. I haven't called, though--even though I want to so badly. I just want to know what made him snap and not want to get married after ten and a half years.

July 11, 2005
10:17 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry--I hit enter too soon.

How are all of you doing today?

What about our reunion? I wonder if we could really do something like that? I would love to meet you people! Orlando is cheap from St. Louis. What a fun weekend that would be! Do you guys think I'm crazy?

July 11, 2005
10:30 am
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

My weekend was similar to yours. I even shed some tears one time... The Elton John Song "This is your song", Was our song.. It's hard for me to listen to it without having waves of sadness.. Now and then, I need a few purging tears.. I draw strength from you, 2B... I want to call my ex and talk and get answers, etc. I think of you and the length of your relationship and the strength you have shown... that gives me courage. If you have online access, next time you are having a bad weekend (that's when we both feel bad), let's chat.... I also hate waking up in the morning.. That's always a sad time for me.. Do you have a particular time of day that you miss your ex?

We both hate that they have left us like we never existed.... Someday, maybe we will have a nice tall drink and toast (with gusto) to leaving our ex's behind...

Glad to see you posting this morning....:o)

Frayed

July 11, 2005
10:36 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Frayed...

We must be cross posting. I draw strength from you, too. I am amazed that I have not called or tried to contact him in any way. I absolutely have no idea what is keeping me from doing it. I have no self esteem right now, but I am working hard on it.

I also have a very difficult time getting out of bed! It is so hard! I am sleeping a bit better, but I feel that I have no reason or purpose. Isn't that sad? That I let one person have so much power over me?

I need to get my computer connected at home. I have one--I think chatting on the weekends would help a lot.

I'll be back shortly...duty calls for a moment...

July 11, 2005
10:38 am
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

I think it would be great to get together.. I don't think you are crazy at all.. I would definately do it.. I don't know how we could structure it? I think it could be very therapeutic. Plus, I'm an adventurer at heart... I would just need a little lead time.. not much.. I know that's not the purpose of this board... But, I feel like some great friendships have developed..

I would give out my email address, but, I'm afraid the "board" people would put me in the penalty box.. LOL... Oh wait, hockey has died!!!..... that gives me the "Blues".. LOL

Frayed

July 11, 2005
10:46 am
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

I have trouble getting out of bed also. I wake-up real early (3 or 4) and can't get back to a deep sleep!!! Then, I drag myself out of bed and I'm exhausted all day..

We have given too much power to our ex's I can't believe that I haven't called either.. I know it's from the strength I get on this board. Plus, I don't think any good would come from it.. I'm afraid of feeling worse. I'm afraid of getting answers I don't want.. I don't want to know what she's doing.. that will make me think of her even more. I don't want her to know what I'm doing. I want her to wonder if I'm the happiest I have ever been..

I will be going to lunch soon and running a few errands.. Back on "board" this afternoon...

Frayed

July 11, 2005
12:57 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

I read your post on no contact.. Keep strong. I'm so proud that you haven't used legitimate excuses to contact (you have his stuff, etc.). My ex has some of my stuff that I need. My only good suitcase. When I went out of town, I used an old suitcase rather than break no contact.

I just came back from a counseling session and talked about my ex not contacting me, etc. He's not surprised because of the alcohol issue. He says I may never hear from her again... That's tough to hear.. And, he says, that would be the best thing for me. He wants me to watch a movie starring Meg Ryan and one of the Baldwin's... It's about an alcoholic lady and a man with a few kids.. Meg keeps making promises and letting Baldwin down. He says that will run ice water thru my veins about having a future with my ex. He also said contacting her myself could promote a relapse. We might get back together, but, the movie wouldn't change. I would be back in 5 months or whatever and in worse shape than I'm in now.. Maybe some of these thoughts/advice apply to you also. Just wanted to share... You sounded down in your no contact post.. He also mentioned Leaving Las Vegas as a depressing alcoholic movie to watch..

Hope your day gets better.

Frayed

July 11, 2005
1:34 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi frayed,

I ALWAYS feel better when I post the really sad stuff. I hope it doesn't bring everybody down too much. Thanks for reading...

Good advice from your counselor. I ask random people who know of my situation about contacting him and NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON has said to contact him. Everyone says don't. One person today said, "You gave him enough of your life. Don't give him one more minute." That was today, and it's what I needed to hear.

My ex didn't have a drinking problem, but he is a workaholic. He even told me and the marriage sponsor we were working with that he was married to his job. That should have been a big red flag. But I keep going back to our break in 99 when I wanted to get married and he didn't. I decided I loved him more than the idea of getting married. I chased him, and worked hard to get him back, because I didn't like the dating world. That's when I took Zoloft, and made up my mind that I would never go down that depressive road again. Our relationship was good because I had also vowed to never have any expectations of him for family get-togethers, etc. And I NEVER brought up marriage again. One day, out of the blue, he said "Let's get married". I was so shocked! I said, "I thought you were happy with the way things are." He said, "I want to get married". And so, nine months later on Christmas day, he proposed saying "It's a committment, not a gift". I said, Oh, good! I'm not going to be an old maid"!

And the rest is history. Somewhere along the way, he changed his mind. There are clues that I won't go into right now...but when we meet in Orlando, we can swap stories..(hee hee hee!)

Anyway, frayed. It feels good to talk about it. Another big thing is, he never told me that he loved me. I think he may have felt uncomfortable saying it--so I never said it to him because I thought it made him uncomfortable, but I tried to show him in many ways.

I also wanted to ask your opinion as a man: our entire relationship--from day one--he had "p.e." (premature ejaculation). Usually, if we had sex 20 minutes after the first time, then he could go for a longer time. For years, I just accepted it. In 2003 he had to start taking meds for high blood pressure. I didn't know this until recently, but it caused him to be unable to get an erection. About that same time, his time for sex got shorter and shorter--meaning he would get an orgasm after about 10 seconds. I remember a couple of times I would cry, because he would just roll-over and go to sleep. I was awful. I didn't know what to do, or how to say anything about it without hurting his feelings. He would talk all of the time about getting Viagra, and actually got some samples, but would never take it. On the day of our big talk (Easter Sunday) he said that he had asked his Doctor for Cialis, but he wouldn't give it to him. I guess because of the bp medicine.

Anyway, long story frayed (and anyone else) PE is psychological isn't it? He told me that his old girlfriend used to tell him that she didn't have all day to have sex with him...and he would also tell me that all you women think sex is messy and time consuming. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. I LOVE SEX.

What could I have said or done? Any other comments would be appreciated.--2b (I digressed here...)

July 11, 2005
2:40 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2B

Wow!!!! Your situation is very puzzling. The workaholic thing. It's also a dysfunction. I guess it's an addiction.. I have always thought of workaholics as running away from things. Usually, a home life.. Or, needing to be extremely successful to be accepted..

The sex thing.. I'm not sure if PE is psychological or not... I'm more inclined to think it's an overstimulation problem. He needs to control his stimulation and concentrate on yours so you are more "together". I wonder if it has anything to do with being a workaholic? Has to be efficient at everything he does... tries to save time at everything.... I feel so bad for you. You have endured SO much and received SO little in return. You deserve SO much more, 2B.... You are remarkable to be as dedicated as you have been.. He should have been more sensitive to your needs and spent more time "taking care" of you sexually before he took care of himself. At the very least, for him to roll over and go to sleep leaving you hanging is very selfish. As long as you were together, you should have felt more comfortable to talk to him about your needs, etc. His excuse about his old girlfriend is as lame as they come. Sex isn't a chore.... it's a sharing and bonding experience that should be cherished and nurtured together..

I took some anti depressants 5 years ago and they caused me some ED. A terrible thing for a man.. I got off of them. I never had a problem with that before the medicine. Here's the scoop. Viagra, etc. act to "seal" the blood drain that gets worn with age in a man's penis. It won't do anything to stimulate arousal. If a man isn't aroused, he won't get an erection regardless of viagra, etc. I'm not sure if the BP medicine has reduced his drive or caused problems with his drain, or both?

Blood pressure is another reason I wouk out like crazy.... Cardio 5 or 6 times per week. My dad, brother and sister are on BP medicine. I will ask my brother about sexual side effects for him..

July 11, 2005
3:06 pm
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Frayed,

You are always so kind. I think I was an idiot sometimes all the stuff I tolerated in the name of love. No one is perfect, that is for sure. The sex issue was so delicate, though.

Confession time: To win him back in '99 I told him I went to school for massage therapy--I only bought books and a massage table, I never enrolled in the classes. But I became a pretty darn good unlicensed massage therapist. I would call him and say: "I need to get some parctice hours this week, would you like a free massage"? Of course he never said no. Well it became a habit, and once we were really back together, I continued it and he EXPECTED it. I would tell him though that I couldn't do a full body later than 9:00 because it was too late in the day and I was too tired. It was really bad. Sometimes, if we were sitting on the sofa together, he would grab my arm and start using it to rub his neck or his head. Subtle, eh? Sometimes I would give in, other times I would just say I'm too tired. With that and the bad sex, I started going to bed really early if I were spending the night there. He noticed too, because he even said something about our sex life (lack of it) in our last conversation. Sorry Frayed, I'm just spilling my guts, here.

As for being a workaholic--you bet it's running. On top of that--he travels 150-200 days out of the year. Week and weekends. And he loved it. He would play the victim/martyr though and play on his "grueling" lifestyle whenever he could. One of the guys in his department said to me in Feb. of this year: "P" sure travels an extreme amount. My response was, jokingly "Probably to get away from me". Ha ha . Little did I know at that time that is exactly what it was.

Frayed, I'm burning your ears off today. I need someone to listen.

Hugs and kisses to you, 2b

July 11, 2005
3:07 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow, 2b! 10 yrs spent with man who never said 'I love you'? Can you even believe it? Sounds like the whole relationship was based on him getting what he wanted regardless of how it affected you. Why should the sex have been any different? Are you able to look back and see how being unable to express yourself oppressed your best nature? -- crippled you, in a sense. You were, in effect, bound and gagged by the very person to whom you devoted yourself. That's not right. That's not how love works, and it's definitely a breech of trust. I hurt for you -- not for what you lost, but for what you never had.

But I rejoice at the love you are going to find.

I don't care what you call the addiction, all addictions are about the same thing -- escaping reality and responsibility for one's self. Their focus is all about emotional numbing b/c there is something too frightening and painful for the addict to face. Instead of working through whatever it is (like we are doing now. Yea for us!), they sedate their emotions with alcohol, drugs, work, porn, video games, sex, etc. ad infinitum... (I don't know if that's a real phrase. LOL!) I think most of us who've heard your story have believed he was alcoholic from the behavior you've described in various posts. He sounds like a classic addict of some sort.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
49
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110932
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38540
Posts: 714216
Newest Members:
thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺, stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer