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21/2 children, plus the biggest one?
November 15, 2006
11:46 am
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calison
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I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with my husband's alcoholism for several years. He'll quit occasionally, but only because of my ultimatums. The marriage counselor called him a dry drunk, and I had to hear about it when I got home.

I've been trying to leave for several months now. It's all we talk about if we talk at all. He has done everything that I asked and is really trying to make it work. But, now the counselor says I'm codependent and just need to go to counseling on my own. HE will go on his own to someone else.

We love each other and want to stay married for the kids, but it's not a healthy relationship at all. What do I do. Can I work on my codependency while he's here? Do I kick him out and get a seperation? Divorce? He doesn't think that there is anything wrong with him, everone else feels differently. So, he's not willing to make changes. "That's how I am" he says. Can this relationship work if just one of us makes changes?

I think he's just as codependent as I am! What do I do next? It will cause so many problems if we got divorced. Mentally though, that may be the best.

November 15, 2006
12:07 pm
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jastypes
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Calison,

Let me encourage you to take one day at a time. Go to counseling on your own. Join a support group for co-dependency -- Al Anon, CoDa, or my personal favorite, Celebrate Recovery, are all good programs. You don't need to make a decision today. You need to start taking care of yourself and addressing your own issues.

I am the wife of a recovering addict. Some days I want a divorce. Some days I don't. At the moment, we live together only on the weekends, and that works for me.

November 15, 2006
12:52 pm
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atalose
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((((We love each other and want to stay married for the kids, but it's not a healthy relationship at all.))))

How healthy do you think it is for your kids?

((((It will cause so many problems if we got divorced.))))

And what kind of problems will it cause if you stay together? How will the life you are both leading now benefit your kids? Has your husband addmitted he is an alcoholic? Does he attend AA?

I would suggest you get to an Al-anon meeting and if not for anything, learn and educate yourself about the effects on children from codep and alcoholism, they usualy go hand n hand. When you read through many stories here, allot involve growing up in homes of dysfunction that are filled with alcoholics and codees. If you are afraid to do anything for yourself, please think about your children. Al-anon is a great place to begin to learn and understand the dynamics of what you and your family are going through.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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