Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
21 Day Detox Program (brought to you by AAC)
January 20, 2003
1:31 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There have been some references made to this "program" on the site, I think Molly is the person who most recently mentioned it. I'm opening this thread up for people to post advice, comments, questions on relationship detox. A few years ago, we came up with the theory that it takes 21 days of no contact to make that first big jump in emotional health after a big break. Not that you're "all better" after 21 days, but it's enough to get you healed enough to start feeling some semblance of normal again.

I'm not sure what it is about 21 days, but that seems to be the magic number. My own detoxification program was very hard to start, since my ex and I worked at the same company and in fact we had offices right next to each other. How my program got started must have been fated by the universe somehow. Oh how hurt I was when the breakup officially occurred, how it ripped me up to see him in meeting after meeting... and then the business trip occurred. A 2 week trip for me to Europe, kept me very busy with work (and sight seeing too). When I returned, as luck would have it, he was away as well for a week business trip. Those three weeks of no contact, so hard. I blocked him from my IM. Took no emails from him, instead worked directly with him team to accomplish what I needed. I got through it, and when I did see him in the office 3 weeks later, I did not feel hurt any more. It was a seething rage, but one I could control, and disgust with the lowlife that he was. Within 2 months he was laid off, so I was free from him in my work environment forever.

Anyone else want to comment on how they detox? Or tell me that I'm full of crap? *grin*

January 20, 2003
3:20 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It took me months, eighteen..

Looks like i may have to do that again, but i really pray not.

January 20, 2003
4:00 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that the detox time is relative to the person and the situation. Some of us take longer. I know that I take longer. But 21 days is a really good guideline for most people, it seems.

I know that in behavioral psychology, 6 to 8 weeks is what they claim to be the time needed for real behavioral change to occur. Boot camps are often 6 to 8 weeks...I wonder if there is a connection here.

The problem with "detox" is that this is only the time it takes to begin to move on to another perspective. There are problems with relapses when old behavioral antecedents are presented after that time period. Kind of like Pavlov's dog. You hear the bell, you want some of that good stuff. Your cognitive functioning is telling your brain, "warm, delicious, pleasure!" You need to also create cold thoughts for these motivators while you are in detox...so you can handle it when you come out.

Sometimes, there is no way out after detox and this requires a complete split from your usual way of doing things. Like when someone in AA stops listening to rock music and picks up country. Too many enticing reminders....

This is my take on it all...for what it is worth.

January 20, 2003
4:05 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ha, now completely recovering from a relationship is another story! The theory I've heard on that is that it takes approximately half the time of the relationship to truly get over it, but again, that's just a theory. Nah, the detox is just that, detox, sort of like how long it takes to get nicotene out of your system when you quit smoking, or physically dry out after being an alcoholic. Once that detox period is done, all that work is still remaining to fill up the holes inside with other positive things before you go back to filling yourself up with toxic stuff again, finding new patterns to keep you healthy (like Scherza describes in switching from rock to country music...)

January 20, 2003
4:35 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I like my dead dog in the road songs! I am from southeast Texas! YeeHaw!

It takes about half the time of the relationship to truly get over it? Whoa! I must be psychologically retarded. I spend more than twice the time of the relationship to get over it...and a teensy weensy little piece of me is NEVER over it!

Yep...I will be pouring me a cold one and singing dead dog songs into the bright moon light...until I am 52...and a half...and I get my Full Deck and have some common sense.

I met this octogenarian the other day who braved trying to guess my age. His guess was real close. He gave me this slow moving, wide-mouthed West Texas smile and said, "Well, Hun...you're just about old enough to start having some sense!"

January 20, 2003
6:00 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That's how I feel just about old enoguh to start having some sense and use it. Have had to much quiet time, that makes for anxiety some of it, playing with numbers, bills vs income. Totally freaked my self out last Friday night, my purse had been stolen on 12/27 so credit, and checking was a new start. Checked the bank balance and a check for an amount that wasn't written, or remembered cleared.It was over a thousand dollars. I figured it out this am, and all is well, but that was the kind of thing that can make a person go over the edge in times like these. However I have managed to do a lot, find this place and move into it in just a week. Hitting all the stores to see what I really need, amazing when you go do I really need that. I think my greatest moment was getting the new 25 inch TV up the stairs hooking it up to the VCR that I bought, then walking 2 miles to open my new Blockbuster account, getting the damn thing to work, and watching TV for the first time in two weeks. I bought a used car today, and hope that it works for a while. I really need to get some furniture, its to empty. I haven't done well with the food thing, or eating right, frozen pizza bread and tuna sandwiches only go so far for so long. I did three loads of laundry, and going to go to the market, funny what I bought last week, haven't touched. Need to make lunches for the week, and try to get a routine. I am not angry yet, and sure as hell don't miss him one bit. I would like to think of my self as a widow, he is dead. did see him this weekend, and that is pretty much how I felt about it, dead. He was nice, and trying to do the lets date thing, yea right. Wants his cake and eat it too. I learned that lesson last time, and part of what I have tried to share in my posts. A zebra is a zebra died hair or not. This is the second weekend, most of the friends have slipped into their routines, the hard part will be to meet people, but I think that is an advantage to living at the beach, folks are friendly, and a dog is a good conversation starter. going to go to a yoga class down the street, and reclaimed my work out tapes, pleanty of room in this empty place.
I have lots of places to explore here, and they are on the list, you have to force your self out of the house, and be different. I hope to have a routine by next weekend, keep the weight loss up, and looking into taking the damage of a bad relationship off my face. This is day 12 and doing ok.

January 20, 2003
10:42 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

*giggle* picturing Molly out on the beach workin' it. You go girl. Nothing like running or walking on the beach in bare feet to work those calf muscles, and give that pretty face a sun-kissed glow. Just be careful, like you always tell us, right? *smile*

I love having lots of open space in a home. It lets the energy in the space move more freely. Not sure if you have Cost Plus Imports down there, they had them in San Fran when I lived there, but they sell terrific chairs, real comfy, not too expensive, and nifty artwork and framing materials. Oh yeah, and good wine too...

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
34
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer