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1st Time here. Need advise.
November 6, 2009
9:41 am
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aldo15
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This is your Message that was unable to be Posted:

TITLE: 1st time here. Betrayed and Hurt.

Hello everyone, I stumbled across this sight in a time of need. I have been reading the threads the last day and a half and have to say that there are some good people here giving good advise.
Advise is what I need right now so here's my dilemma: I'm a manager of a prestigious hotel in Beverly Hills California. In my hotel we have a very strict Fratinization Rule. Under no circumstances will a manager and employee be socializing outside of work, if do so, manager and employee will be terminated. With that said, I have a girlfriend who has lived with me for the last 2 years. She works in the same hotel in a diffrent department so I'm in the clear. We have had our ups and downs as do all long term relationships go. I have a manager friend who is her Supervisor who occasionally comes over. Putting him at risk for termination since he is her boss.

One night she comes home around 2:30 a.m. She gets of work at 10:00 p.m. I was calling and calling her and she never answered. I was getting worried so i put my shoes on to go look for her and in she strolls. I said "wow, 2 in the morning really??" and she said "I was having drinks with %$#@" I told her I didn't appriciate her hanging out with him at a bar alone this late. I told her I could get in trouble if they are seen in public because the hotel knows we are a couple and they would put 2 and 2 together and I could be Terminated. She apologized and that was that.

The next day we went on a little date and had great time, as the night came to an end she tells me, "Hey 2maro I'm gonna go to my uncle's AA graduation Cerimony , so I'm gonna be with them all night" I said ok, but in the back of my mind I was growing very suspicious. I was working late that night. I called her to talk and to see how everything went, no answer, I text her, no response. Then out of nowhere I get a text from a friend and he says "hey, do you know that your girl and %$#@ are here at the bar. The bar is located literally right across the street from the Hotel.

I was so upset and hurt that she lied and dissrespected everything I said about hanging out with him. I went home and waited. When she got home, I said how was the cerimony? She made up this long story how great it was. I asked her what she did after and she said she went to the bar with her cousin. I said really?? Because I heard you were at the bar with ^%$#. Her face dropped, she was busted. But she wasn't going down without denying it for hours and hours until she finally gave in and told me they were together. I even got it out of her that the first night she went out with him, he kissed her. She says she backed away, but I doubt it. I asked her why she would go out with him again if he tried to do that, and why wouldn't she have told me since he was my friend. I couldn't take her lies, I told her she needed to pack her stuff and leave. I told her I couldn't trust her and there was no reason to continue this relationship if there was no trust.

I'm so hurt and upset I don't know what to do. My own friend, I can't believe it. My girlfriend of 2 years that I did so much for. This girl was getting evicted from her apartment and she had no money when I took her in.

I have pictures of them 2 together at functions that we attended. The anger in me wants to march these picture straight to upper Management and get them fired. What should I do? Some advise would be great. Thanks for reading.

November 6, 2009
3:16 pm
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atalose
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Hi aldo and welcome,

It’s very hurtful what she did and your response was a very healthy one…..to kick her out of your apartment and end this relationship.

I wouldn’t retaliate by attempting to get them fired, seems they’ll do that all on their own.

When we are hurt it’s natural to way to hurt back. Time and distance will help you move on from this relationship. Just watch out for the back peddling she may do in order to regain living in your apartment again.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

November 8, 2009
11:52 am
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aldo15
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Thanks for responding atalose. I understand what you're saying. I'm going to be the biggr person and just walk away. You were right about the "back peddling" When she left I had her phone turned off. We had joint accounts in my name. Las night I recieved a text message from her new phone she said "hi, I miss you." The truth is I really do miss her despite what she did. But the anger in me wants to keep her hanging on so she could think she has a chance. I want her to feel the pain I'm feeling. I didn't respond to her text. I erased it and her new number. I don't want to call her or text her.

November 8, 2009
3:54 pm
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atalose
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I think it’s best you don’t respond, put some real distance in there. Also don’t let your anger get the best of you by allowing yourself to get sucked into emotional drama on her end or yours for that matter.

I know we always want to SEE THEIR pain, witness how THEY are doing when we are gone but that is kind of like sticking around a car accident, hoping that it didn’t happen, thinking it wasn’t real.

There still may be some things you need to tidy up before you can fully let her go but SHE doesn’t need to be apart of that, if you know what I mean.

If she has left anything at your apartment, pack it up and drop it off to a friends of hers, have as little contact with her as possible – this is about YOU now, not her.

She made choices, she is responsible for those choices – allow her to be!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

November 8, 2009
9:19 pm
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StronginHim77
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Geez, I think you have handled this really well. Despite your emotional pain, you are making really healthy choices. Most of us on these threads can appreciate how hard that is to do when you are feeling betrayed and wounded.

You did the right thing, having her leave your place. I would have done the same. If they lie once, they will lie again. Don't get sucked back into her web. She will certainly try to charm her way back into your life. But if she betrayed and lied once, she will definitely do it to you again. People are what they are.

Not responding to her text was true wisdom. Again, she is probably regretting what she blew: a good man who genuinely cared about her. Let her deal with it. Stay clear of her.

It is hard. At first, our anger over their betrayal carries us through the early, painful days. But as that anger begins to recede (and it will), you may start second-guessing your actions. Resist that. Keep posting here. You did the RIGHT thing, as painful as it was. She is reaping the consequences of her lousy, dishonest and disloyal choices. Let her reap them.

- Ma Strong

November 9, 2009
1:33 am
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aldo15
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So It begins. It got out at the Hotel. He has been suspended pending investigation. He hasn't called me but I know he must be thinking I told. The truth is, I didn't say a word. My ex called me and said "Hey the Director of the hotel just called me into his office and asked what had happend between her and the guy. She stated that she told the whole truth. He is definetly going to be fired now. She told me that when I go back to work tomorrow, they are going to speak to me. I have to tell the truth. KARMA.

November 9, 2009
7:47 am
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StronginHim77
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I am sorry you must face all this. Stand strong. You did nothing wrong.

And keep us posted.

- Ma Strong

November 9, 2009
11:24 am
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aldo15
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Thanks StronginHim77. I'm nervous. Really Nervous. I can't be fired for this but it's definetly fround upon. I knew about it and said nothing. I should have just said something. Now I'm goig to walk into her office and shes going to have me write a statement and than shes going to chew me out. I mean shes really going to let me have it. We have known eachother for over 12 years and she has craddled and guided my career the whole time. It's safe to say shes going to be verry disspointed in me.

November 9, 2009
12:01 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Aldo. We all take our lumps and to be "dressed down" by a mentor will be a hard lump for you. Take it like a man. Admit you probably made a mistake but have learned a lesson. Move forward. You are lucky to be minus the friend and the girl. Listen to Ma Strong. Don't back peddle. So much of these threads are from the female perspective of being cheated on that we sometimes forget the men can be the victim as well. We are all here to support you. Post here rather than feel sorry for them and their actions. Take care of YOU.

Bitsy

November 10, 2009
3:44 am
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aldo15
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Ok, so this is how it went down. I get to work and my General Manager says the Director wants to speak to you. I walk in the office and she tries to make small talk. I asked her, I know why I'm here, and I explained myself. I told her everything. I told her more than she even knew. She took notes and asked tuff questions that will undoubtedly get someone in big trouble or possibly fired. She commended me for taking it so well and trying to keep it under wraps. She was also dissapointed in me for not telling her about all the fratinization going on. She felt as if I left her in the dark too long. I felt bad, I felt as if I let her down. Like I said earlier, she is the reason why I'm in Management. So i wrote my statement of what I know and that was that. I felt so depressed as the night went by. The truth is I felt as if my relationship with my ex was unfixable. I think for the first time I realized that there is no chance of us getting back together and it hurt bad. How could I take this girl back after all the chaos and drama her and this asswhole's descion caused. How could I tell everyone, "ow ya, were back together" after all this.

Then one of my collegues approached me and said, "why are you acting as if you did something wrong??!! They are the ones that screwed you over, they are the ones who have to live with what they did. You did nothing wrong and everyone knows that so F**K Them!!" It really helped. Thanks for reading all.

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