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((((1lost1)))) thinking about you tonight...hope you're ok
May 14, 2006
1:15 pm
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Soulsister
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1lost1-

Where ya been?? Hope you're having a great mother's Day. Mine's crappy..as usual...when I need people the most in my life..is when they all run. Haven't heard from baby's dad since Fri night.. I was feeling angry and hurt about all he has done...Now he's doing what he always done..disappear...because I need him right now.. to top it all off..it's Mother's Day. I give, give ,give to him...but he's never there when I need him.

Have a wonderful Mother's Day...thank you for listening..when I've needed someone 🙂

May 14, 2006
7:13 pm
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1lost1
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I am so sorry that you are not having a good day. You of all people should have a great Mother's day.

I went to Mexico for the weekend. Trying to hide away from my problems. I took the little one to the beach. It is only 4 hours from my house. My friend owns beach front property there. Her and I had a goodtime.

My baby was on the beach a lot.

I hope your day gets better. I am exhausted right now.

I have a small fight on my hands after hearing the results of my biopsies. I am scared and frustrated with life right now.

Please feel better sweetie...

Happy Mother's Day!!!

May 14, 2006
7:34 pm
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

What were the the results? I have been wondering, but I didn't see you on any of the threads..??

The beach sounds wonderful....I've been wanting to take my kids to the beach for some time..in fact I haven't had a day off since last October..when I went to Vegas...and that wasn't with my kids. I'm so looking forward to the summer..extra money and maybe some time off. I'm burned out!!

Happy Mothers Day!! Soulsister

May 15, 2006
7:56 am
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1lost1
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Hi, I have cancer, at least what they call a level 1. It appears to be in the beginning stages.

I am really scared right now. I am opting to stand back and just take some time to breathe. All my test have run back to back and now after the biopsies, I want to just stop and evaluate my options.

It really sucks right now because I am alone. It would be nice to have someone hold me and just let me cry. My female friends are there but, it is difference. Does that make any sense?

I hope your day ended up better for you. Things will get better, wait and see.

May 15, 2006
8:23 am
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1L1,

I feel for you. Cancer (or any major ailment) is a tough emotional shock. It's okay to feel scared. You're doing the right thing by sanding back and waiting for the test results. Yes, it does suck that this is happening when you're alone. Reach out to your Higher Power for comfort. He is always there for you. As for me, I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.

Sending hugs & support.....Lt

May 15, 2006
9:41 am
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(((((lost))))) I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I know this is a very difficult time for you, and you are feeling lonely. Please call on your friends to support you, don't do this alone. You will need their support, and they will want to offer it. The good news is, they found it very early, which should mean that you have many treatment options. I will keep you in my prayers, and am here to listen whenever you want to talk, yell, scream, cry or whatever you need to do. You are a strong woman, and I truly believe that God never gives you more than you can handle. Trust in Him, he will help you to find your way. (((hugs for strength)))

May 15, 2006
10:06 am
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Soulsister
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(((1lost1))) I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I'm here..if you need me..too. I'm glad to hear you have friends to support you. Yes, it makes sense...wanting a man's shoulder to cry on. I understand that completely.

Keep me posted....and I'll be thinking about you!!

Love ya..Soulsister

May 15, 2006
7:47 pm
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1lost1
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Thank you my sweet friends. Just feeling closed in and trapped.

My ex is mad because his parents don't want to meet the new g/f and he is blaming me. Like I need that now. He knows what the results are and he continues to push me.

I am so frustrated at his actions. What a jerk!!! I talked to his mom and she sid it isn't my fault and he is being insensitive.

What a mess!!!!! When you feel you are ahead and then something else occurs!!! Life I suppose!!! Sucks for me and my kids right now!!!

Sorry to be so dramatic (ex calls me) but I am truly feeling as if I am being kicked in the backside.

1L1

May 15, 2006
8:21 pm
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readyforachange
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lost...you have every right to be dramatic, and you deserve to have understanding, caring people around you right now. Your ex is behaving horribly, and even his mother knows it. Ignore him and take care of yourself. I'll keep praying for you. (((lost)))

May 15, 2006
10:40 pm
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Thank you ready. I do appreciate all the prayers for me.

I send you my prayers for your on going sucess in your life. I am so greatful to have a friend like you.

There are so many caring people here. Each one has shown me kindness and understanding. I feel very safe here. Thanks to you all!!

May 18, 2006
12:11 pm
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Soulsister
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Hi..hun......How are you? I've been following you a bit on the other thread. I've been here..I just haven't been posting much. I was in that funk..bad time of the month..no money..time to pay the house pmnt...pms...all at the same time. I'm coming out of it now. I tend to get so self absorbed during these times..feeling sorry for myself...etc.

Any more news on your health...I have to admit...I..for some reason..have a difficult time..being there for people during situations like these. I never know what to say. I'm not much of a prayer...I don't have a lot of faith. Something, I see so many people here have..that I don't. I just don't understand GOD..and why he let's bad things happen to good people. I don't know..maybe I'm not supposed to talking about this on this side of the threads.

Anyway...I hope all is well..I want you to know..I think about you everyday..and wonder how you are..and how you are dealing with all of this.. (((1lost1)))

Love ya...Soulsister

May 18, 2006
1:46 pm
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soulsister...I don't know if we're supposed to discuss this here, either, but I want you to know that sometimes it's hard to have faith. I look at it this way...bad, evil things are from the devil. God doesn't do this to people. Sometimes evil wins, though. Just my perspective. Knowing what to say in some situations is really hard, but just knowing you're here for someone if they need to talk is comforting.

lost...hope things are well. Sorry you're battling the heat of AZ so early in the year! Hope you're taking time for yourself!

May 19, 2006
12:09 am
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smarterone
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1lost1
God bless your strength. I know it sucks, hard to say "dont worry". Wish I was there to hold you and help you with the kids. I had to go thru treatment, not chemo, interferon for Hep C, and I was alone. No one was around,makes you feel like crap. Hope you get a miracle come your way. Not the same, but we are here for you.
With love
donna

May 19, 2006
2:07 am
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(((((((Lost)))))))))) My mom always used to say, "When it rains, it pours!" And that sure seems to be appropriate in your case. I am so so sorry that you have so much to deal with. I hope since you last posted that you are coping. Please keep us posted on your situation, cause we DO care!

I am praying for you....Love, Plz~

May 19, 2006
11:54 am
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1lost1
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I am so fortunate to have all you kind people around. It does really help to know that someone cares.

I am having a slight problem this morning. I woke up and my left breast is leaking blood and other nasty fluid. I am awaiting a call from the Dr's nurse.

Soul, I know it is hard to find the words for people in my situation. I have struggled with things to say to people I knew fighting this in the past. It was never easy. I just want you to know that a hug is sometimes better then words. Even if it is a cyber hug, it speaks volumes.

Smartone..Thank you for the jesture. I am sorry you had to go through that alone. It sure does help being here. I feel the caring, thank you.

Plz...Certainly for me "when it rains, it pours." I am holding strong to the belief that this will pass. I am searching for the strength within me.

I feel like hiding and running from this issue. I know I can't but I would love too.

((((All my dear friends here))))

May 19, 2006
12:08 pm
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did you check on what was happening with the bleeding from your breast. Let me know, I care.

May 19, 2006
12:20 pm
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((((1l1)))) please let us know what the doctor says...I am praying for you, and keeping you in my thoughts. You are loved!

May 19, 2006
12:24 pm
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Soulsister
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Again...I am thinking about you...I hope everything is ok..

Keep us posted..

Love....S

May 19, 2006
5:14 pm
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I went to my regular doctor because the surgeon has friday's off, figures! She gave me Keflex, an antibiotic for the infection and then told me to see the surgeon soon.

She then said she would call his office to make sure I was seen at the first of the week. She ended up getting a hold of the surgeon. He told her he would meet me at his office. She sent me to him right from her office.

I get there and he said, it was an infection. Brillance! He then said I had lost more weight and that I needed to eat. DUH! I have been sick! Anyway, he concured with the prescribed medication and will see me on Tuesday.

I called my ex prior to my appointment. I advised him of the situation. He accused me earlier this week of faking having a fever and complaining of an infection. Pretty much, I made him feel like crap. If I would of gone to urgent care when I asked him to watch the little one, I probably would not have been this bad.

His parents told me today that his girlfriend had surgery yesterday to have a lump removed from her breast. She has had the lump for two years. My friends think she is jealous of me and is searching for his attention and sympathy.

Oh boy! I hope her well but, what an idiot!

1L1

May 19, 2006
7:15 pm
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readyforachange
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lost...I'm glad you found out what was going on, and I hope the meds clear up the infection soon.

Your ex is a piece of work...I can't believe he accused you of faking a fever! Jeez! Does this man have an ounce of sympathy or compassion? I learned early on in my divorce never to count on my kids' dad to take care of them when I couldn't. I ask neighbors, friends, family...but not him. There are always strings attached, and he acts like he owns me and can ask 3,000 questions about where I'm going, etc. etc. Hope your ex learned his lesson this time...what a jerk.

The new GF sounds like a piece of work too. Two years, and she decides to get it removed NOW??? Interesting.

Take care of yourself, lost. You really do need to eat well, and get your rest. The stress of your divorce is difficult enough, and with all this added stress, I'm worried about you. You'll be in my prayers. Be well!

May 20, 2006
9:50 am
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1lost1
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Thank you ready... I am looking at me ex in a while different way. He seems to think I will fall to him no matter what.

He wants sex and no strings. He wants to be able to have his cake and eat it too. Jerk!

He took his g/f to a place where some of our co-workers were. It is hard knowing that he flaunts her but wants to sleep with me.

I am interested to find out what they thought of her. Of course, they will be all to willing to spread the gossip.

My ex told me he is afraid that I will tell his g/f about us sleeping together in the past (last month, I was lonely) and yet it doesn't deter his advances(???). Where is the logic in that? His parents think he is crazy.

Physically, I am a little better. Emotionally, I have the good and the bad days. I look forward to the communication I have here.

Is it wrong to want a man but not necessarily need him? I crave the attention. I suppose that is part of my codep popping up.

Peace to my friends...1L1

May 20, 2006
1:27 pm
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Soulsister
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Hi 1lost1..

I know this feeling..the wanting a man..and craving the attention. I can't have the one I love and want..so do I fill this need with someone else...

Can I wait..maybe years..and is it fair..either way??

Is this possible for me..without loving someone..Is it right ..or wrong??

After you were with the ex...how did you feel?? Did it make you hurt again...or fill the physical craving?

I don't think I'm capable of having no strings attached sex. I feel "Love" when I'm with someone in that way. I just hurt more..after..crave the love and attention again.

I don't know..I'm just thinking out loud...

I think things will be different..when you meet someone else...it is soo hard to move on..familiar is so much easier...man do I know how you feel...

Love ya...Soul

May 20, 2006
4:53 pm
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1lost1
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Soul...I felt lonely and hurt all over again. I knew what he wanted and I knew what he was uncapable of but, I needed the attention in that moment.

I feel cheated once he returned to the g/f. I felt cheap and used even though I consented to the moment. He knows how I feel and yet he still attempts to be with me. Why?

I am not someone who can just go out there and sleep with someone. Unfortunately I need a connection. What an idiot I am at times. I have friends that can just go out sleep with someone and walk away. I am not sure if that is a more confident or just plain craziness.

Have a good day, hope you are doing alright. I haven't been there for you lately and I apologize, I will do better.

May 20, 2006
5:08 pm
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Soulsister
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I'm actually doing very..very..well today...am having a strange day..feeling strange inside..like I'm changing..it feels very good...and unexplainable..

You do not need to apologize to me...you are going through so much right now in your life...some things that i feel..too, and things I can't even imagine going through.

I have to say..I would have done exactly the same thing you did..I would have said yes...I always have with baby's dad..not anyone else though..I don't think. I think it's part of the learning..healing..moving on..letting you know that it is over..maybe. Maybe..to protect yourself next time..so you can move on..and heal and feel better. You will be ok...you will love someone again..and you will know then..why this all had to happen...

You..after all..were the first person I met here....there is a reason for everything.

Love you...S

May 20, 2006
6:26 pm
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1lost1
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Thank you for the understanding. This person has a way of getting over my defensive wall and then destroying me.

Hopefully, oneday I will find the strength to no longer need him or his barage of garbage in my life.

I do always wonder why I seek his approval at times. One person told me it was because I want him to "see" me. Not quite sure what that all means but maybe.

I am happy for you. You are moving on. You are most likely feeling the liberation from the codependency.

Enjoy the rest of the day sweets!

1L1

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