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((((1lost1)))) thinking about you tonight...hope you're ok
May 1, 2006
10:03 am
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Soulsister
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I was thinking about doing that with the classes I can. Then finishing later with the classes I can;t do over the internet. I know there are certain classes you can't take unless you take a lab, etc.

I have my daycare inspeciton today..for the next two years to reregister. I'm very happy I got to stay home with my little one for the past 3 years. I didn't do that with my 10 year old. Some days though, I wish I had a normal job. So, I could talk to adults, dress nice, go out to lunch.

Bf has court today. New plea bargain, hopefully. He's going to go through treatment. He'll be talking to the judge about it today. Busy, busy day. I have a good feeling about it.

Have a good day! Keep me updated and I'll do the same.

Soulsister

May 1, 2006
8:44 pm
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1lost1
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Take the classes. Depending on the labs, you can use the mail.

I remember wishing I could return to the adult world when I stayed home with my second child. Just normal conversation at the stores was a blessing.

Hope all goes went for your b/f. How did it work out?

You sound so much better. I am standing on my own today. Not so much drama in my world right now.

Thank you for caring. I have you in my prayers...1L1

May 1, 2006
9:10 pm
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

I haven't heard from babies dad :(. I don't know what happened in court today. I did get him on a waiting list for treatment here in our little town. He would be one block from my house I'm trying to get him on other waiting lists, but he has to have the $150 Assessment first. They put him on the list here, because the girl new him!! Small Towns!! Anyway, dieing to know what happened.

Good to hear you are doing well. No propositions from the ex lately?

You must be close to my age? I may have asked you your age but can't remember. Do you have 2 children? I know you have a little girl my little ones age.

I was just curious.

Sending love....Soulsister

May 2, 2006
8:14 am
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I have been propositioned by him but walked away. He will continue to be an idiot. He thinks I can't do without him. JERK!

I am close. Did you have a good birthday?

There are three kids. My oldest is 18 (I got married at 18), the middle girl is 14 and the baby turned 5 on the 28th of April.

They keep me on my toes. It was my sons Senior prom on Saturday and then my little ones b-day weekend. Wore me out!

Have a great day. Know that I am thinking of you and hoping all is well...1L1

May 2, 2006
9:58 am
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Soulsister
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My 10 year olds b-day is April 29th.

I had a good birthday. My friend came by with a bottle of wine. We had a couple of glasses and talked. It was nice.

My babies father called...nothing happened in court. Nothing significant anyway. He was really depressed....and feeling hopeless. The DA has 3 weeks to give him another plea or it goes to trial. He knows he screwed up...but they are being pretty hard on him. He really does deserve a 2nd chance.

I'm so lonely.....

Have a good day. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well..

Soulsister

May 2, 2006
8:19 pm
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1lost1
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Don't be lonely love, we are here for you...

I am sorry your b/f did not receive the news he wanted. Keep up the faith that all will turn out well.

Love ya sweetie, 1L1

May 3, 2006
7:24 pm
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1lost1,

Hope all is well with you. I loved the inspiration thread...

I'm sorta in a funk these days. It's getting better, though. It's wierd, sometimes I can't post anything....I just can't find any words......

Hope your day is full of love....

Soulsister

May 4, 2006
8:19 am
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1lost1
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I am on the run these days...

I hope you feel better. I am kind of in the mode you are in.

Work, kids, ex, life.....

I will check in on you later sweetie!

1L1

May 4, 2006
7:45 pm
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1lost1
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Hello!!!!

May 4, 2006
8:11 pm
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Soulsister
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Hi...R you there? I'm getting ready to go see my babies dad...and my boys are going to ride horses with my friend. I could use the break. I'm actually going to the store afterwards....alone....oh my gosh...I don't know how to act..no kids for a couple of hours.

Yippee...tomorrow is Fri!!!!!!!

How the heck are you??

Soulsister

May 4, 2006
8:49 pm
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Have a good time.

I am alright.

Take care enjoy the time alone.

May 8, 2006
1:27 am
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

I haven't talked to you in a while. How are things, I hope all is well.

Soulsister

May 8, 2006
9:07 am
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It has been a while. I am going into surgery today. I am not suppose to eat or drink anything now but, I am a die hard caffeine addict.

If I don't have my coffee, someone may die!

I had some test run in the past month that showed lumps needing to be removed. I am very scared but I am doing alright.

It seems my days of being tested are still there. Hopefully, I pass this test and I am able to move on.

I am sorry, I am rambling on.

How are you? I think about you and your situation a lot. I hope all is going well..

Take care of yourself sweetie! 1L1

May 8, 2006
10:07 am
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Soulsister
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I'm sorry to hear that. Do they biopsy the lumps after they are removed. or have they done that already. My Aunt has had tons of lump in her breasts...she has had biopsies (sp) and had then removed too. She was told that some people have more fibrous breasts than other people. She is one of them. Are they breast lumps??

I'm the same way with the caffeine. I can't talk to anyone...for a while in the morning. Or I'll bite their head off!!

All is as well as to be expected with me. The bf sits in jail. His court date is may 24. His attorney wants him to wave his right to a speedy trial because he needs more time. He's court appointed and doesn't give a crap. So hard in a small town. The attorney is friends with the DA. My bf doesn't want to sit there for a year in county jail, waiting for him to do his job. That is what will happen if waves his rights. He never calls him back, never shows to see him when he says he's going to. I wish I had money for a "real" attorney. I just don't get how it's a fair trial if your attorney isn't trying to help defend you???? I hate our judicial system. It's all about who you know, and how much money you have. (OJ Simpson)
Some people get a way with murder. All he wants is to get the help he needs for his drug problem, and they don't want him to get it. They want him to get hard time, with no tx. AARRGGH!

Sorry, it just make me so mad...I know he's there because of his choices. I just wish there could be some fairness in it.

Keep me updated on the surgery....(((1lost1)))

Love to you,

Soulsister

May 8, 2006
10:43 am
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1l1...just happened to stop in here, hope you don't mind. I have been through the whole scary nightmare of lumps and biopsies, and I know what you are going through. ((((1l1)))) I will keep you in my prayers today. Please let me know how it goes. I just had this done in January. I have several benign cysts...most of which are caused by my caffeine comsumption! Need to cut back, but so hard to do. Hugs for strength today (((1l1))))

May 9, 2006
1:33 am
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Soulsister
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How did it go 1lost1? If you need to laugh read my thread "my 3 year old is going to drive me insane"

I've been wondering about you today, I hope all went well, and your feeling ok. (((1lost)))

Love to you..Soulsister

May 9, 2006
5:41 am
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1L1,

You're in my prayers.

Lt

May 9, 2006
8:41 am
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Hello, I am thankful for all your caring thoughts.

It went well yesterday. The Dr was an hour late and that built up my anxiety.

I had three lumps removed and he biopsied another area. I woke up with bandages coving from my underarm (left side) to completely over my left breast. The dr nevr returnde to say what the outcome was.

My ex picked me up. The dr did not talk to him after the procedure and he was upset. I am not his business anymore andI think the dr knew that.

Thanks for the prayers, hope and especially the hugs. I will be back, the drugs are kickiing in.

1L1

If my typing is off, I am under the influence of some really good drugs.

May 9, 2006
9:30 am
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Soulsister
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Hi honey,

I have to tell you, that bothers me that the Dr. never returned to speak to you. I used to work for Drs and although I know they aren't all like that, some are always late and to think he never even spoke to you.

Did anyone tell you anything??? Like a nurse? Well, I hope someone calls you today. Although, I'm sure that probably means everything went well.

Good to hear the ex did something nice for you..even if it isn't any of his business.

Hope you recover quickly...

Soulsister

May 9, 2006
10:15 pm
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No one said anything other then I would get results in three days. I have an appointment on Thursday to have the dressings removed.

I am itching like crazy! The tape is bothering me.

He (my ex) was being nice. He still is attempting to sleep with me. I wanted to go out on Sunday night. I asked him to watch the baby.

He asked me why I wanted to go out. I felt like finding a stranger and doing just having sex. No strings. So not my personallity but I was scared.

My ex did not call like he said he would. I had to call him. He said it wouldn't be a good idea and then invited himself over.

It bothers me that he can go out and have sex but he doesn't want me to sleep with others. What a dork.

We are back to, not really wanting me but not wanting anyone else to have me either. Idiot!

Thank you for the concern.

I hope all is well with you...1L1

May 9, 2006
10:24 pm
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Soulsister
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He didn't think it was a good idea for "you" to go out???? AAAAHH!! Of course not, then you might meet someone, and he might lose you forever. So typical though.

My ex, after 8 years, still gets jealous. If I found a new guy, he would start it all over again.

What was the reason you told him you wanted to go out?

Soulsister

May 10, 2006
8:16 am
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I told him I wanted to feel someone. I wanted to just rock some guys world with no strings attached.

The sugery had me very freaked out. I just needed to be with someone.

I have not slept with a lot of men and I just thought a one night stand sounded good. I still have not slept with anyone but my ex.

I think I am slightly pathetic in that matter.

Just not understanding why he acts like he cares the other times I mean nothing. Is this just a man thing?

Anyway, he did help me out on Monday. I remember him when he was a human being and now it hurts all over again.

I know the reality but his games hurt me. Another day may bring me closer to mentally healing.

Take care sweetie! 1L1

May 10, 2006
11:24 am
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Soulsister
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Wish it was that easy...just to rock someone's world. Tried that...with a young guy who was crazy about me. He chased and chased. I thought, what the heck, why not. I need someone. Well, young guys aren't as inexperienced as they used to be. I ended up chasing him....he turned out to be a big A**. Turns out, he's quite good at looking very sweet and innocent, and then using people. Typical 25 year old male. So, anyway, wouldn't recommend it. Plus, I think I was trying to hurt babies dad...Not OK!!I was going to prove to him, I could find someone else to love me, too. I just ended up learning a very hard lesson!

As far as the reason he acts as if he cares sometimes. He probably does, but that doesn't mean he's good for you, right? I imagine it also gives him an ego boost to keep you hanging..dumba** men.

Have a good day. Smile. Flirt with someone..give yourself an ego boost.

Love ya,

Soulsister

May 10, 2006
10:15 pm
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Thank you for the advice. I didn't really think rocking someones world was a good idea. But, at the time, it was what I thought I needed.

I hope you are doing well. You are a truly loving person and they very rare.

Bless you dear soul...1L1

May 11, 2006
1:51 am
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

Thank you..that was such a wonderful thing to hear, after a long day, and right before bed. It made me feel very good. 🙂 (((1lost1)

I read your post on another thread, about waiting for the results of those biopsies. I'll be watching for you over there to see how everything goes.

Thinking about you and wishing you well.

Soulsister

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