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((((1lost1)))) thinking about you tonight...hope you're ok
April 21, 2006
1:26 am
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Soulsister
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I hope you are ok. I posted back to you on my soulsister thread, but didn't hear back from you. You're probably sleeping.

I'm thinking about you tonight, just be strong. You deserve to have love, and not from him. He doesn't deserve it. I don't know why you said that no one would want you. Why would you think that? You are such a kind and sweet person. You are always there for everyone here, and are a wonderful person. You were the first person that posted back to me. Know that you deserve better than him, and don't let him manipulate you. Don't let him hurt you again. Things will get better, and you will meet someone who treats you better than he did. You deserve that.

Sleep well, 1L1, I'll check in with you tomorrow.

Soulsister

April 22, 2006
1:30 pm
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Randomwomen2
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April 22, 2006
5:52 pm
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smarterone
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totally agree

April 23, 2006
10:16 pm
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lost lady
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one day at a time

April 23, 2006
11:15 pm
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1lost1
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Hi, I am here

April 23, 2006
11:18 pm
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1lost1
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Thank you ladies, I appreciate all the compliments. Thank you, I feel better with your kind words.

I let my loneliness control my heart. Part of my codep issues.

Little bit better day by day.

Good night!

April 24, 2006
8:56 am
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1lost1
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Here is to another day! God grant me the strength to not fall on my face!

April 24, 2006
9:15 am
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Lt4Others
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1L1,

Know that if you fall, you will be able to get up. We're all here to lend you a helping hand. You're never alone.

Lt

April 25, 2006
8:51 am
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1lost1
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Thank you Lt!

Soul, I hope all is well.

April 25, 2006
1:48 pm
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readyforachange
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(((1l1))) hey, we all fall sometimes. You are doing an amazing job of getting up again, and that's the sign of a truly strong person. Hang in there, you'll make it~

April 25, 2006
3:08 pm
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

I've been reading posts, but haven't had time to post back.

How are you? I hope all is going good.

I got this call from a guy I met last spring. Freaked me out! Let me just say, red flag, red flag, red flag! It was a nice ego boost, but he's a drunkin' idiot. (that wasn't nice was it) Anyway, he was sooo into me, blah, blah, blah, then just avoided me...until almost a year later?????? He is suddenly single, and asked me out. I was mean to him. He doesn't deserve to go out with me. I don't know what it is, but he is so full of himself. Like after a year I would just be like, oh, of course I'll go out with you. I asked him why he kept my #??? Couldn't answer me...said he'd tell me some other time. He plays games...head games. He's flippin' gourgeous, and electrician, half italian/half filipino (sp). Funny, how I thought, when I first met him he was such a great catch. Must have been the job????

Anyway, don't want to go out with him, but the attention is nice. Makes me think, how I can wait 4-6 years for someone. I truly love my babies dad, but that is such a long time to be lonely.

Anyway, I'm doing good. Going out Fri with a bunch of girls. Can't wait!!!!

Peace to all.....Soulsister

April 26, 2006
1:11 am
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

Thinking about you...hope all is well. Goodnight!

Soulsister

April 26, 2006
1:55 am
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1lost1
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I hope you really reconsider waiting Soul. I know it may sound harsh sweetie but he has made his choices and you need to make yours.

You are a young, loving woman that deserves to have a companion that will be true and honest with you.

You need to weigh the options dear. Waiting for a man fro that long of time is hard. Feelings change.

Keeping you in my prayers...1L1

April 26, 2006
9:16 am
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smarterone
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soulsister, i waited for 5 years of a 9 year sentence. and i think now that most of it was fear, we fought constantly, my children his children thing, stepkids, he was very possessive. Very loud. I met someone after now even talking to anyone for five years. Because of the trouble also with my 29 year old son and drugs, i was a prisoner of his too. Now when this other man came in I jumped cause he was 150% different. Now one year later, im still depressed, i know its me, this man cares about nothing and i am psycho bitch from hell codep crazy. never happy,

April 26, 2006
10:20 am
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Soulsister
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I went to see him last night. He asked me about money. It really rubbed me the wrong way. I had allready sent him money, he just hasn't received it yet. It was the first time through all of this that I felt used....again. He saw the look on my face...said he really appreciated everything I was doing for him. Yah, whatever!!

I'm starting to doubt everything again. He talked about school again..and that his friend was going to get him info on grants, and another friend was going to send him school info. I am happy he is interested in doing something with his life. He also mentioned the judge he has, is supposedly sympathetic to an addict who wants rehab. So, he has a good chance of getting rehab...maybe instead of hard time.

Anyway, feeling wierd today. (not sad) just wierd about everything. I have doubts about him...not his love...but his attitude...still sounds like an addict who is going to go back to his old ways. Like his thinking was changing, and now it's back to the addict talking.

1lost1...be strong about the sex thing. Your heart will be in it..and you will be hurt. Just give him a little time, he'll start being an A** again, and you'll remember why you aren't with him. I go through this with my exhusband. He'll be so nice, I'll think, did I do the right thing?? Even after all these years. Then he'll start acting mean and will remind me why I'm so much happier without him.

I know how hard it is to not fall back to what is familiar. I've done it a million times. Especially when we are lonely and want to be loved. Give yourself enough time, and you will be stronger and he will be easier to resist.

Did you ever tell him you had someone else interested?? I read your post the other day..that you were going to do that. If you do, he will change his attitude, and be jealous, and probably be mean again and you will again...be reminded of why you don't want to be with him.

Have a wonderful day....stay strong....be happy.....SMILE...SMILE....SMILE..youhave control of your day and how you feel....BE HAPPY!!!!

Soulsister

April 27, 2006
7:47 pm
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1lost1
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Thank you Soul.

I didn't tell him I had someone else. I don't know why. Maybe my head is not into the games right now.

Hoping you are well. Seems that you are better. Listen to your heart. Your head may be the better part to listen too though.

I have to drop out for a little bit. Stress makes me want to hide. It isn't just my ex right now.

(((Soul))) 1L1

April 28, 2006
12:34 am
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

I'm sorry you are stressed. I know the feeling, don't worry though, you know it all seems to work out somehow, and when it does you will have a really, really good day! Just hang in there, it's just around the corner.

You know, in my experience with the exhusband, trying to get me back, for whatever reason. I learned that it was always easier when he thought I didn't have anyone. They are so much nicer to you. It's probably better you don't play the games...it would only be a last resort...to keep you from doing something that would hurt you later. But, in the meantime...take the nice...it really feels a lot better.

Take care......Soulsister

April 28, 2006
8:06 am
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1lost1
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Thank you Soul, you make me feel a lot better about my decisions.

I haven't been very helpful to you and for that I am sorry. Please know that I think of you everyday and I pray you are well.

Thinking of you...1L1

April 29, 2006
6:05 am
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

I can't believe you think you havent't been helpful to me......you have helped me just by being there when I needed to talk to someone. It is 2:53 in the morning. My friend is sleeping on the couch. We went out all night. She is the friend that I have posted about on the friendship thread. She barely made it out with me, and although I really wanted her to be there, in the end...it all seemed strange. We ran into a friend of hers she has knows since childhood. She is a meth addict. My friend got all upset about this girl. I told her, I know how she feels, the person I love and my babies father is in jail, I know how heart breaking this all is. You know what...she didn't even hear me...she teared up about this friend...and I thought..does she even care about anything I am going through. She can cry about this friend.,...But not act as if she cares an ounce about me and what I'm going through. Hurt so bad.....like I don't exist...Sometimes I feel like I don't exist.

Anyway, my point is, you have made me feel like you care more about me than someone I have always thought of as my soulsister...so I thank you for listening...and caring about me...

Soulsister

April 29, 2006
8:05 am
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1lost1
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You exist to me and to many others. I am sorry that your friend did not hear you.

People get so involved in their own lives that they forget to see others. It takes courage to step out of your self involvement and help others.

The addictions of others is hard. We attempt to help them move forward but they end up dragging us back. your friend has probably had that happen with that friend.

I will be here to listen to you and hopefully pass on any help you may need.

Thank you for giving me value. That is something I forget I have sometimes.

You are a dear heart...Take care sweetie...1L1

April 29, 2006
1:55 pm
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

Good morning...I was afraid to read what I had posted in my after the bar, state of mind. Thank you for posting back. I really do think she is hurt about this friend, and I feel I'm probably a little jealous, and being a little selfish. This girl, and my BF are so alike. My friend and I talked about both of them today. Things feel better between us. It was such a wierd night. Small towns are not my thing...I really want to move. I miss the big city life. There is just so much gossip and everyone knows everything about you.

I haven't talked to my little one's dad in a couple days. He is mad that I was going out. I guess I understand but I can't sit home for years waiting for him. It's just hurts that he hasn't called me. He runs away from things that he has no control of. He doesn't like to deal with it. Part of the reason he uses. I just thought that being in jail, and clean, maybe he would change that part of himself a little...but I really knew that he wouldn't "give me the silent treatment" for a day or so over this. It is his way of hurting me.

Anyway, I'm babbling.......

How are you this weekend? Are you having nice weather? It's cloudy here. I'm looking forward to summer..and running away to the beach with my kids. Isn't your little one the same age as mine...3?
I love this age..they are so funny.

Enjoy your weekend.

Soulsister

April 30, 2006
9:43 am
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1lost1
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I am not from a small town or a big city. I am in a middle sized, popular city in the SW.

I am actually glad that he hasn't called you. Your messages sound sadder after you have had contact with him. If he feels you need to be punished then he is in the wrong.

You need to move forward with your life. Not just for you but for your child. We set examples for our children. I in no way want my kids to repeat my mistakes. I want them to see me handle issues and be proud of me.

I apologize for sounding harsh on this Sunday morning but I have had a revelation. I feel it is time for all of us to move on with our lives.

Come with me. We can do it together. I feel you are a strong, loving woman that needs more then just to be waiting for a man that doesn't appreciate you. Like my ex does not appreciate me.

I am glad you and you b/f are better. You need her.

Take care sweets

April 30, 2006
10:13 am
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Lt4Others
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1L1,

I agree with your revelation. It is time for us all to move on with our lives. I came to that conclusion recently myself. The internal healing process has been good for me the past few months. Now it is time to put some of my thoughts into action. I wish you and Soulsister well as you do the same.

Best wishes for new beginnings.....Lt

April 30, 2006
12:47 pm
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Soulsister
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1lost1,

I'm doing really good today. It's sunny and just me and my little one. My older son is with his dad.

It's funny, what you said about the moving forward. I'm a planner...have to have a plan in my head for the future. I have learned to make plans that can include him or not. I used to make them to include him, and when he didn't come through, I would panick!! Even now, with him talking about school while incarcerated, I have decided that I will continue to stay home with my little one until he is in kindergarten. Then, I want to go to school. If my bf does what he says, then he can live with us and support me for once, while I go to school. If he doesn't follow through, than I will still go to school and better myself and my education. (with or without him)

I talked to him several times yesterday. He wants me to get him on the waiting list for several treatment programs.

He said he wasn't mad I went out. He tried to call pretty late but I was still out. He is in a worker pod now, and he seems happier there. He wants to try to get his residential electrical license. His sister is an electrician, and I think that is a great start for him. We'll see.

I'm so happy to hear you feeling good and positive about yourself, and moving forward. You deserve someone who appreciates you.

Have a wonderful day!!!!!!Smile...be happy!! We deserve it!! 🙂

Soulsister

May 1, 2006
7:55 am
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1lost1
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You should take a class on the internet. You can stay home and be with your baby and move forward.

You do sound better sweetie. Keep it up. Have a great day.

In my thoughts, 1L1

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