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12/16: Girlfriend's Ex-boyfriend: The E-mail
December 16, 2003
10:29 am
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bigdumbguy
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I sent this e-mail out to my gf regarding the party on Sunday. Because of work schedules and other things we are not able to see eachother on Monday and Tuesdays. We talk on the phone, but it's only at night when we're both home getting ready for bed. She responded to my e-mail, but I am giving you the one I sent to her first. The only reason is because I typed my e-mail on Microsoft Word first and then saved it, then mailed it. She just replied on Yahoo, but I cannot get into Yahoo for some reason, it's going very slow today. Here goes...

####
Hello Honey,

I am sitting here at work with not much to do so I thought I would write you an e-mail. Even if I had something to do I would sit and write you an e-mail anyway, because I want to talk about what happened Sunday afternoon at the Party and then the car ride afterwards.

I don’t know if you will ever understand this. I thought you had, but after yesterday it doesn’t seem like you do or you had forgotten. I don’t like (the ex). That is going to be how it is. I don’t know how many more ways I can put that. You made a comment about ‘what has he ever done to me?’ Well he has never done anything to me personally. He has done things to my fiancée whom I love with all of my heart, like leaving you, cheating on you, telling your sister things he shouldn’t be telling anyone, lying, shall I go on? He’s never done anything to me. If I were to judge him based on what he’s done to me… he’s the nicest guy in the world. But unfortunately I know better. Even if all of this you still defend him and act like you care about him. I have to believe that you still care about him, that is the only way this makes any sense.

Here’s a nice little analogy, I know it’s a little extreme, but the message is all I’m concerned with…Ted Bundy, killed 40 women. Do I like him? No. Did he do anything to hurt me? No. Did he do anything to hurt the 40 victim’s family members? Yes. Now I know (the ex) hasn’t killed anyone that we know of but it’s the same principle. (the ex) has had 4 children by 4 different women. He’s hurt all 4 women and now there are 4 children who will not have a father figure in their life. (I am already making the plans of him leaving (his current gf). Do I like him? No. Did he do anything to me? No. Did he do anything to hurt the 4 mothers and the 4 children? Yes. Maybe not the children right away, but when they grow up they’ll ask.

I thought I handled things very well yesterday. I did not say anything to him or (his current gf) (and by the way, who in the world cares whether (his current gf) is pretty or not?). I went off and talked with (Your brother-in-law), talked with (Your StepSister), talked with your mother, talked with your sister, talked to (Your Uncle), talked to (Your Nephew), and it was never about (the ex). Your mother, sister, and (Your brother-in-law) all asked me how I was doing with (the ex) there. Obviously I was showing, but I had no intention of showing. So instead of being in there and maybe saying something I shouldn’t say or doing something I shouldn’t do, I talked with other people, went outside, went to the restroom, did whatever I could to ignore them. And also, every time I turned around you were either talking to them or in their general region. You were upset with me because I was not by your side the whole time, well you know I don’t like him and you saying ‘well you knew he was coming’ does not change the fact that I don’t like him. I don’t know what you expected me to say. If I would have stayed home you would have complained about that and then you complained the other way so I could not win either way. I wanted to be there for Alyssa and I am glad I did. I am glad I got to act like the Dad with the video camera instead of just sitting back and not doing anything. If I had something to do like with the video camera I would have been fine the whole time, but going from person to person and not being around you made me angry. I wanted to be with you the whole time, but I refuse to be around you if you are conversing with (the ex). If you are away from (the ex) I will be happy to be around you.

We are happy, most of the time. The only times it seems like we ever have a disagreement or an argument is when we talk about (the ex). We are never going to agree about him, but I sent you an e-mail a month ago that I would not say anymore about what to do with him. It is 100% your decision. I may not agree with it, but I won’t say anything about it. If you remember all of our conversations about him you already know the answer to any question you could ask me about him.

What are the plans for X-mas? Is he just going to give you the presents or is he expecting you to take her somewhere so he can give them to her himself?

What you said in the car about not being able to take much more of these things with me and (the ex), take that and times it by 5 and that’s about how I feel. I love you. We have good days and bad days, both of us. From the day you found out about (the ex) telling your sister, until yesterday we have had good days (yes?). Yesterday was a bad day. But the good outweigh the bad and that is what matters. If you don’t think you can take any more of me and (the ex) situations you know what to do to fix it. You have a lot of options. I don’t go, he don’t go, or we both go and you deal with it, or the option that would just suck would be to break up with me then you could do whatever you wanted. I have to deal with it because I plan on going to whatever the kids have, no matter what I said before. (The 7 year old) will not know about my feelings towards (the ex) unless you, sister, or your mother tells her. Yesterday, she was so wrapped up in her birthday and her friends, and the games, and her presents, she didn’t even notice we were there, let alone my reactions towards (the ex). Like I said, I don’t think no one noticed anything about me besides sister, (Your brother-in-law), and your mother.

I am going to go for now. You’re probably happy after reading this. Just remember that I love you and I want what’s best for us.
####

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December 16, 2003
10:37 am
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mj
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You failed to mention the hugs and smothering of affection around the ex?
Tooo painful?

December 16, 2003
10:37 am
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bigdumbguy
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Oh, One comment. There are a couple typos in this letter. First off, the name "Alyssa" is used. That is the name of the 7 year old. I was going through changing all of the names and guess I missed that one. Also in the next to last paragraph it says "I plan on going to whatever the kids have" When I refer to kids I am talking about my gf's kid Alyssa and her sister's kids a 9 year old boy and 3 month old girl. I do a lot of stuff with them too.

December 16, 2003
10:38 am
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bigdumbguy
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The affection was something that was just left out. I had so much on my mind that it just slipped my mind. I wanted to get most of it out and sent while it was fresh. I have not talked to her about that yet.

December 17, 2003
9:15 am
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bigdumbguy
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Pretty Good? What... the e-mail?

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