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Should I delete my mother's Twitter and Tumblr?
August 30, 2014
3:38 am
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sumock
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August 30, 2014
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My mother has had a Twitter account and Tumblr account for the past three or four years. Her work is where she lives, so she has easy access to the computer during her work breaks, making the time spent on Tumblr and Twitter lengthy each day. Although I'm okay with
hobbies or interests while on a break of any kind, the following lists why I'm
concerned with her Twitter and Tumblr hobbies.

  • I feel as though these websites are causing her to have a lack of responsibility of her life and children, me being the middle child of her three (17 and 23, not really concerned with 23, my brother). It might also influence her to drink heavily, because she tends to spend her pay checks recklessly on alcohol every week or two just to spend her drunken times on social media sites.
  • When she is drunk, she frequently goes on Twitter and Tumblr, yelling and
    arguing, trying to make her strange points that I do not understand.
    (I've been on her Twitter and Tumblr to see what she's yelling about.
    She also has a tendency to repeat phrases in loud volumes when she's drunk.)
  • Even when she is sober, she frequents it a lot instead of focusing on bigger priorities of herself and her children. (Quitting smoking, cutting down on excessive nights of drinking, straightening out her spending habits, looking healthier, having her children look healthier, having the home environment healthier, etc.)
  • She hasn't had real friends in years. Drunkenly, indirectly expresses possible depression. Once told me when she was drunk that she didn't care about her health and that she's willing to die earlier than normal.
  • She procrastinates extremely (never gets anything done) with everything due to reasons I am unaware of, but I've noticed this lack of caring after she found Tumblr and Twitter. Procrastinating includes cleaning the house, fixing the
    house (we've been using the bathroom sink for years because the kitchen
    sink is unusable. She doesn't want anyone to come in our home due to its
    disgusting condition.) to the point I always initiate cleaning, and it seems to
    never stick. I've tried many times to influence her to make me and my siblings do chores if she doesn't want to, but she never takes the inititive.
  • For years, she has had this paranoia from Twitter and Tumblr that people,
    mostly celebrities, are out to get her, positively or negatively. Always talks about how they are
    secretly communicating to her through their Twitter feed and Tumblr posts. It has gotten to the point where she puts tape on the webcam on her laptop, or turns the television off, in fear of them "listening in" on her or us. An example is with Seth MacFarlane. She believes he communicates with her indirectly through his Twitter account, however I have no idea what he wants to say to her. She even believes some of the episodes of Family Guy are "indirectly aimed towards her." It drove me insane sometimes. Recently there was a Paul McCartney concert near where we lived, and she believed it was "indirectly" for her. I just couldn't listen to her after that.
  • Speaking of this paranoia, that is all she discusses. She has no idea how I've been doing in school, same goes for my other siblings who never attended school (they are home schooled but my mother does not teach them anything; I tutor my sister mathematics though), because whenever I start a conversation with my mother, she always ends up talking about herself and her "life" on Tumblr and Twitter and her so-called "friends" who indirectly chat with her. She has no idea what me and my siblings do everyday. We practically don't exist and never have family time together. Not even dinner. We are basically roommates to her.
  • My sister is very young, being only seventeen, and this lifestyle of my mother has been occuring for three-four years now, so you can imagine how damaged my sister is. She is not damaged mentally, I don't think. She's quite social, intelligent; very high in common sense. But my mother has failed to teach her the important things in life, such as cooking. I would say my sister is damaged physically. My sister has the body of a ten-year-old, same with my brother. They eat when they want to, but since they never go outside, there is no muscle mass in their bodies; they are very, very pale. My mother seems to not be concerned with this; she even once said it was "normal" to have that body at that age. No... I've compared my sister and anorexia photos together. She does not look healthy.
  • I have been tutoring my sister mathematics, because she knows almost every other subject for high school (or the common sense to learn it in high school). This summer I've been preparing her for high school, because she's always wanted to start it, but my mother seems rather fearful of her entering the public. Again, all summer, I've been reminding my mother to enroll my sister in high school. "Yes, I will do it tomorrow." Tomorrow passes, many tomorrows pass, and still nothing is done. I fear for my sister's future, because she needs a grownup to help guide her, but my mother seems to be living a teenage life.
  • With her spending habits, she constantly complains how she hates running out of money. Well, maybe if she cut back on smoking so much and drinking so much, the money will last longer. If she started taking control on what food we bought, what things we used, the money will last longer. Do I seriously need to also take care of her finance as well?
  • My mother has only nurtured us when she notices a momentary crisis: my sister making a sad face; me giving a judging look. She just asked if we are alright, dismisses us if we give any answer. Sometimes gets very, very defensive as if she's the care-giver and should have the right to do what she wants. Her seemingly "damage-proof" solution is to give us money if she feels guilty that we are screwed up. Or she will spend her whole paycheck on takeout, with alcohol of course. If I do really tell how I feel about her (everything listed down so far has been addressed to her in various tones of concern, frustration, and anger), she will come up with a "I'll try my best," answer, and then pretend like nothing happened the next day.

These are all I can list that are quite important with this situation, and usually I threaten to myself that I will secretly delete my mother's social media accounts so that maybe she will realize she still has a young daughter to raise (me and my brother have been raising her now). But these impulses were only because she would call me mean names or say mean things in her drunken haze, and act like she wasn't even drunk the next day.

I have been crying a lot tonight due to this stressful issue, and I feel like I should ask for advice now, because this threat has reapproached me without her initiative this time; I really do feel like our problems are due to her hobbies.

I cannot get my grandparents involved: as nice as they are, they always take my mother's side.

My mother would never consider therapy due to costs and her overall denial that she has a problem.

I feel like my brother is doing quite alright despite all this, but I really do worry for my sister, because she is still a teenager.

 

If there are any ideas people have, or some insight on this issue I've been having for years, please let me know...Thanks.

August 30, 2014
5:38 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I appreciate that you took the time to try & explain a difficult situation for you & your entire family.  You have not, I don't think mentioned a Father in your post, so I imagine your Mother is a single parent?

I don't think you will help her or your siblings by deleting any of her social media accounts unless you have her permission to do so.  Having said that, it sounds like she is living with a high level of dysfunction in her life & that is obviously making your life & that of your siblings quite difficult.  From what I understood, you have two siblings one 17 the other 23?  I do not know how old you are?  My understanding is that there are no children (under 16) living in the residence?

Your Mother has made some serious choices  in the last few years with her concept of being a parent towards all of you & from what you say, she has an alcohol & social media addiction that causes her to focus only on herself & neglect the rest of her family.

It sounds like you have become the parent & taken it upon yourself to be responsible for the things that your Mother should also be involved with.  Yet from what I have read, she has made some decisions about schooling for all of you?  Have the three of you ever been given the chance to make any choices?

The part about your Mom's obvious paranoia is part & parcel of her problem & to me it's clear that she has gone into what I call isolation from the real world.  Her focus is not clear any longer because she may suffer from mental illness.

Is there any way that you could speak with a counsellor/therapist or family Doctor to address your concerns?  If you sat with your Mom & tried to show her what she might not be aware of, do you think it would change her perspective?

What was your Mother like prior to these problems & what do you think caused her to become this way?

I do not think it is healthy that you are being forced to act as the parent & worry about your siblings all on your own.  If you are close to a relative, would they agree to at least come & stay for a weekend perhaps to see the dynamics of your family situation?

Also, does, or did your Mother ever speak to you about her own upbringing?  Please try to remember that she has gotten to this point in her life perhaps not due to pure selfishness, but perhaps through the outcome of some real life experiences.

I know it must be hard for you to have mercy on someone who is supposed to be functioning as a parent, & at present is not even trying, but I am glad that you have not abandoned your siblings & I hope that you do seek out some help from someone who might be able to  help you in a real way.

I hope for the sake of yourself & your siblings & your Mom, that things improve somehow.

 

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