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Please help me. I really don't know what to do.
September 28, 2014
9:18 am
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September 28, 2014
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I go with my mom to Japan every year to visit my grandparents and every other year with my dad too. My grandparents in Japan are most of the time, wonderful people, but they fight a lot with each other, with my aunty in Japan and with my mom. To be honest, it is very uncomfortable being in the same room when they fight and the atmosphere of the fight continues for the day. I understand that they aren't what they used to be like and are probably grumpy so much because they are old people and a lot of old people just become grumpy. But the grumpiness gets worse and worse everytime and one year my grandma actually ran away from home when my mom and I were out because she had a big fight with my grandpa.

Last year was defiantly the worst year for me though and it made me feel like I never want to step foot in the house again. My mom and my grandma got into a big fight over nothing and although I can't say in detail what they were fighting about, I can tell you that it was my grandma who was in the wrong but she started saying how she wanted to die because my mom made her feel so terrible and then my mom was mad but those words really hurt her so she started crying and I had to watch my mom cry for something that wasn't her fault at all at 5 o'clock in the morning. During the day the atmosphere was incredibly unbearable and my mom dragged me out of the house so she wouldn't have to fight with my grandma but when we came back, both my mom and my grandma started to fight again. During the fight, my grandma tried to get me to sympathize with her asking me, "Does your mom do this to you when you fight with her?" or "She is so mean, her words make you want to die! Why does she make everyone go through this?" Personally, I was very angry at my grandma for being so terrible to my mom and making my mom feel bad for something that wasn't even her fault, so I stayed very quiet during the fight and I never agreed to anything my grandma asked me. Eventually, my mom and grandma made up after my mom was forced to apologize for her "wrong doing" and the fight was over. Inside, I was still very angry at my grandma and I really just wanted to go home. My grandma would sit with me on the couch and talk to me in the mornings and one morning she told me that it was so tiring having us here but she really enjoys it but when my dad comes it's really hard and she gets really tired because he is here with us. It was okay to rest at ease when my mom and I were at their place because we were "real" family members and that they have to put up a front when my dad was here. I didn't say anything but that really hurt my feelings becasue it felt like my dad was being insulted and that he wasn't a part of the family.

After coming back home, I really don't want to go back and see my mom cry or feel like my dad was insulted. I can't bear not saying anything when something like that happens but if I don't, that would be being a bad granddaughter and it would hurt my mom's feelings the most. I told my mom that I didn't really want to go this year and it really hurt her feelings. She got mad too and told me that we have to keep going because they are still healthy and can still talk to us normally so before they get demensia or something we HAVE to go. But everyone fights so often in Japan and my dad and I have to sit, watch and bear through it. I really do love my grandparents in Japan a lot and it makes me feel like a terrible person for not wanting to go while they are still healthy but it really hurts me seeing everyone fight so much in Japan. Going to Japan makes me feel like I'm a tree in a play where I have to watch the events play through without saying anything and its hard to watch them fight like that, but not going to Japan really hurts my mom's feelings and probably my grandma's and grandpa's feelings and leaves me feeling awful for not going while they are healthy. I really don't know what I should do. Please. Give me some advice that can help me through this, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I don't want to feel terrible either. 

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