Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I don't like my parents, in particular my father
July 1, 2014
3:13 am
Avatar
William38
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
July 1, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I mostly need to know if I'm a spoiled brat who should just keep his mouth shut, or if I'm justified in being resentful of my parents for shortcomings. Sorry for the long post, but I need to say all of this and get it out.

 

I find it nearly impossible to like my parents. I used to like my mother. She has a health condition that makes it difficult for her to do anything around the house without having to rest after 5 to 10 minutes. She usually puts off a task until the last minute, and I don't know if that's out of health issues or plain old laziness and procrastination. I absolutely hate the fact that she's so physically weak and can barely do anything useful (not just for me but for my father and for herself). I may be nitpicking here, but she usually has dinner ready at 8 o'clock when I'm used to having it at 7. My father used to complain about it, but he's given up now. I'm disgusted when I look at her, because what I see is a weak bloated mess who can't get in or out of a car without breathing heavily.

 

With my father it goes further back. All the way to my childhood. I've never liked him. I've never looked up to him as a role model. I've never wanted to be like him. For one thing, I didn't want to be around him, because he spanked me. He had always been the discipliner, and even though he never physically hurt me, the terror and fear that a child feels from an angry parent made me shy away from him, and I've never had a good relationship with him. We've been on decent terms, sure, but I could never call him a friend. I thought fathers were supposed to teach their children skills and do activities with them. I can't remember him teaching me any good skills, except how to say please and thank you and be polite enough to get by with people. The only fun activites I can remember doing with him are playing board games with the family on occassion and going to Disney World. I feel like I should be more grateful for him raising me, but I don't have many fond memories of him. He just wasn't the sort of father that a son could look at and say, "I wanna be just like you when I grow up."

 

And I think there's been a lack of authority. Of course a child is going to rebel against his/her parents, because that's what children do, but I wish my parents had been a little more authoritative. They didn't punish me enough for getting bad grades in high school (they were mostly good, but occassionally I slipped up), and they never pushed me into extra curricular activities, getting a part time job, or even getting my drivers license. They just let me coast along passively and let me do whatever I wanted. In terms of chores, there's never been anything I've felt obligated to do. They never gave me orders like, "Do this", "Do that". It was always requests like "Would you do this?", "Do you want to help with X?". And my father gave up on discipline. I don't know how a parent is supposed to discipline their teenage child when he/she is big eough to fight back. My father sent me to my room a few times, but that was futile, because that's where I was most of my time anyway, and he never confiscated anything like my laptop, psp, music, or anything. I've told him that sending me to my room was a joke, but he said, "Yeah" like he had no intention of punishing me. He never taught me a lesson, and now that I'm 21 I look back at my life and think that he failed as a parent.

 

Now I'm in college, and I'm envious of my friends who say that they miss their parents and want to go home on the week ends. I wish I had something to look foreword to at home. I wish I had parents I could miss. My father is on a cane now and can barely walk. They don't do much, and they just sit around and take up space. Their health is declining, and I don't think there's any hope of improving. Their so fat and slothful. I don't want to end up like them. I've tried to get a job, so I can be more independent, but I've got nothing so far. I want to be rid of them and just be independent, but it's not happening, so I'm stuck with them for now. I really don't like being around them. I want out of this house.

 

So, do you think I'm a spoiled selfish brat, or am I right to dislike my parents? I want to help my mother with chores, since I'm not doing much else to be productive. That could pick up some slack. I'm not going to make progress with my father. I've tried confronting him and my mother, but I typically get dismissed as rude or mean. No matter how nice and calm I think I'm being, he always finds a way to tell me I'm rude and that I have and "attitude". Please be completely honest in your response. I need a fresh perspective.

July 1, 2014
8:10 am
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Williaiam or Will I Am or Am I Will:

You are 21 & since you have not mentioned it, I am going out on a limb here and assuming that you are not yet a parent.  Please correct me if I AM wrong.

Parenting does not come at a perfect time nor with a licence to practice or much formal training.  Your parents are human beings, just like you.  They are getting older it sounds & particularly you mentioned your Mother to be physically weak with deteriorating health.  Try to remember that raising children is not a perfect science that comes with a manual & that even if it did come with such a guide, it would not befair to try and tell two people who created another life on how to raise their own blood.  Some parents believe in tough love, others I have met believe in true love.  Some don't give a rat's ass about their children no matter how young or old they are & those are the parents that leave me feeling sick to my stomach most days.  There are wealthy parents, poor parents, parents who hire nannies to raise their children.  All kinds of parents.  Parents who divide their love for their children equally, some that pick and choose which child to accept & love.

 

The thing is William, we do not choose our parents & our parents do not get to choose their children.  No two people are the same, no two children are the same.

 

I hope you decide to stop comparing your parents to other parents or yourself to other children who were raised by different parents.  Parents are just people with a very important job of raising their own children or other people's children for a short while.  They are not perfect.  Some take their job seriously & try their best, others could care less.  There will never be a time in history when this will change.  Most animal parents are fiercely protective of their young children.  Unlike humans, it is an instinct for them to be protective.  But then they don't have bills to pay & cell phones & college tuition fees & they get thier food by hunting and gathering.  Like it or not, once their babies are old enough, they usually go off on their own & start their own lives.

 

The only thing you can do is respect your parents for who they are & hope that they respect you for who you are.

 

Good Luck

 

One Day

July 1, 2014
4:39 pm
Avatar
William38
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
July 1, 2014
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

One Day,

 

Thank you very much for your response. You are right about me not being a parent. I understand that there's not exactly a universal standard for parenting, so it makes sense that I stop comparing my parents to others, and that I stop comparing myself to other children. They are different and had their ups and downs. They were just different ups and downs from mine. Even though I have problems with my parents, I can't change anything in the past. I can only try to make the future better. I really should be more tolerant of my parents' ways, since they will never change. Maybe since I'm young, there's still time to change myself for the better.

 

I spoke to my oldest brother today, and I asked him if he would be willing to talk about his relationship with our father. I want to know if I was raised differently than him (there's a 13 year gap between us) and if he had a better relationship with him. I'm going to visit him soon, so we'll talk about it in person.

 

Thank you again for talking to me,

William

July 3, 2014
3:53 am
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

William,

I am very happy to hear that you have a brother that you can speak with regardless of your differences in upbringing and the gap between your agesSmile

 

One Day

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer