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I am so burned out from taking care of EVERYONE!
August 15, 2016
7:47 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
August 15, 2016
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there...I'm a newbie...middle aged mom of 3...Got married really young (19), and had my first child a little over a year later...had my second 3 years after, and then my last child a few years after that...I'm still married to the same man....He's a workaholic...always has been...used to bother me a lot when we were first married, and my kids were young...but I got "used" to it....I always worked, also...but made sure that everything else was in order to make my husband and kids happy...He moved us from a bustling city, to a tumbleweed type of southern state..I was unhappy, but again, got "used" to it....he's foreign, so I really did change myself to fit into his cultural ideation of what a wife "should " be....after all, he had the MOST "amazing" mom ever....I had big shoes to fill
Fast forward 25+ years, and I'm still trying....but now, things are hard for me...My older 2 kids are grown, but still live at home...they're good kids, but don't seem to want to fly the coop....my youngest child is 15, and severely autistic...he's got almost no language or play skills, and is completely dependent on others for everything but walking....he's a sweetheart, though, and brings me a lot of joy.
My husband doesn't spend enough time with us, never has....and my autistic child was extremely aggressive and hard to manage for many years...I do have some help from the state, but it would be nice to have his dad involved....luckily, my son has calmed a little and isn't so aggressive....but I pretty much handled all of it alone for all these years, on top of working (now for my husband), and raising my other two kids with as much normalcy as possible....My own family is so consumed with their own lives, that they have never helped...not one bit...not that I expect too much, but maybe when my older kids were stuck in the house because my autistic son couldn't go out in public, it would have been nice if they took my older 2 for a movie or ice cream....But, my mom, despite my struggles, demands all of my attention to her...she has constant surgeries that she seeks out....arthritis based, and expects that I leave my disabled child to come care for her after wards (which is a 4 hours flight)....and stay for a week each time...but she NEVER once, came to help me when my son was in crisis...every conversation revolves around her ailments...never concerned for me...or my kids...hasn't mad any attempt to see them for 10 years....my sis is supportive by phone (she's also out of state)
Then, there's my inlaws....My sister in law lives down the street....she recently had her father with end stage dementia move in ...I set up Medicaid for him, and all the hours provided by personal aides 12 hours a day...he gets care all day....but for the few months when he first transferred from out of state, and we were waiting for Medicaid approval, I was expected to help care for every aspect of him...including diapering, feeding, cooking, etc....Now that he has the aides, I am expected to do make sure they take care of him and that I bring all his food whenever my sister in law goes on vacation.....I wouldn't mind so much...but here's the kicker.....she has done NOTHING to EVER help me with my son, EVER!! Not that I expect her to care for him, but she could do so many small things to show concern...even as small as calling me from the grocery store to see If I need something (shopping with my son is very difficult)...she never has....she has also never showed my older kids affection or concern....but she has these enormous expectations of me, and my husband lets her treat out kids this way....I know I should have the balls to tell all these people "no", but Im not good at it...and he is well aware of it...so I have a lot of resentment towards him .....I am at the point now that I can't stand being around him anymore, mostly because he's left me alone for so long, but also because he doesn't care how his family treats us

October 26, 2017
9:46 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
October 26, 2017
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I totally can feel you on this matter bro. Maybe it is best to just take some time off, because there is no other way: you have to take of yourself and cant just be for everyone else.
You could also consider taking something like Magnolia, which is good against stress and for general relaxation purposes. You can get it on https://liftmode.com/calming/m.....nolia.html

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