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husband and daughter stress out our whole family
August 7, 2011
10:46 am
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lostinawhirlwind
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August 7, 2011
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i have been having a very hard time with my husband of 3 years (been together for 6 years), he constantly smacks my daughter (not his) and finds ways to punish her and yet no matter what HE'S the person she runs to for a proud moment or 'a scraped knee'.

when i met my husband my daughter had just turned 1 year old, he's the only father she's known. i had children when he met me and theres only been problems when my husband and i started having kids together. this will have been the second time he's left bruises on her and i just don't know what to do, how to help them get along. my girl doesn't understand nor do i whats going on or anyway to fix the problem that doesn't seem to make itself clear!!!!! we're expecting our 4th member of the family and i just don't know if i should call the cops and have our lives changed forever before the kids get older or try to get more councelling for him??? he's done parenting programs and anger managment but its like he can turn a switch off and on whenever he chooses and hasn't ever used any 'skills' these classes have taught him Frown last year i called the cops on him for domestic violence and later dropped the charges because we all missed being a family, seems like the way is paved for it to happen all over again, i'm too afraid of making the phone call that can change our lives forever Confused

August 7, 2011
10:57 pm
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ShiningLight
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lostinawhirlwind,

 

So sorry for what happened to you and your daughter. I guess it's clear enough that your family is not safe anymore for having a husband with the kind of behavior he has showed to your children. Maybe he has slowly aquired the symptoms of a child abuser and it needs to be taken into consideration that sooner or later may lead to domestic violence. You need to consult your counselor asap to help you in your situation right now before it's too late.Just hold and stay strong especially that you're expecting a new member in the family. Always watch your health.

 

Hope everything will be fine soon.

November 21, 2011
9:47 am
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jordan.s
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Lostinawhirlwind,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your problems.  One thing to consider is the fact that you aren't alone.  Even if you think you are.  Far too often do one or two family members stress out the whole family.  It's like a domino effect.  I know that doesn't alleviate anything, but it's something you should know (if you didn't already, or just needed to be reiterated to you).  Another thing to consider is the fact that yes, you have been together for 3 years, but that isn't his daughter.  As much as he loves you, it might be difficult for both of them adjusting to the new family.  Rejection is a common backlash that often times takes a long time to adjust to or get over.  However, slapping your daughter is never a healthy outlet to resolve things.  I'm sure he knows that.  Is he a drinker?  I know that is a stereotypical reason why abuse happens, but it is a common reason.  Another interesting yet dumbfounding point is the fact that she goes to him for advice.  Does she struggle to believe that you are there for her?  Does she think that your husband would be better to talk to than you?  One thing to think about is how her relationship with you and her previous father was.  Maybe because she didn't know her biological dad, she just assumed that is normal and she should still go to him.  Now is the difficult question:  Go to the cops or enter for more counseling.  That is up to you.  Does he threaten to disassemble your family?  Or do you feel safe (even though he is abusive).  If going to the cops is not the best answer, consider entering a new kind of treatment, one for the whole family.  There is a growing trend to have 'family programs' designed to have the entire family enter treatment and work things out together.  If you think about it, that might be the bridge to overcoming this problem.  Don't let it linger otherwise you'll get to the point of no return.  Hope this helps.     

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