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How to help girlfriend deal with parents
November 26, 2013
1:34 pm
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k7mhelp
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November 26, 2013
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My girlfriend is 18 years old, going to community college, living with her parents and 13 year old brother. Her mom is unemployed, had her at 19 years old, overweight, and does nothing around the house but sit inside all day and eat food and make messes. She doesn’t clean up, and just makes her do everything for her like a slave. The little brother is homeschooled and plays video games all day and all night long, and the mother makes my girlfriend take care of him, feed him, cook for him, clean his room, and play with him (even though he doesn’t want to most of the time). The mom expects her to serve her brother for EVERYTHING, even if it means pouring him a glass of milk because he simply doesn’t know how to do it, and the mom refuses to teach him anything. The poor kid is pretty much a 6, 7 year old trapped in a 13 year old's body. He has no friends, his schoolwork is probably at a 5th grade level, and at this rate, he will grow up having to be taken care of like a baby. The mom will take the brother's side NO MATTER WHAT. If the brother hits my girlfriend, it's her fault for making him mad, for example.

The mother has a history of hitting her and punching my girlfriend. She has stopped only because recently my girlfriend has stepped up and said she will hit her back if she lays a finger on her. The dad is high ranked in the postal service, never takes my girl’s side, never sticks up for her, and seems to be afraid to confront the mom about things.

Her mom has made my girlfriend’s living conditions at home unstable, as she constantly forces her to clean up her messes, do her laundry, and play with her little brother, or else she is “grounded” and is not allowed to leave her room. It makes doing homework nearly impossible for her because even when she has finished all her chores, the mom is constantly banging on her door demanding something else to be done. For example, she cleaned the entire house at one point and her brother was asleep, she had two essays to complete by the morning, yet the mom forced her to watch two movies with her or else she would be grounded. She is struggling in school as a result, and she is falling into a deep depression because she feels there is nothing that can be done. She has no time to get a job because she is trying to focus on school. The mom also has mentioned she is not allowed to get a job because it will “take her away from me”.

One thing that concerns me the most is my girlfriend is 5’2, 105 pounds and the mom constantly forces her to eat food all the time, usually fast food and junk food. The mom will bring home food from mcdonalds or some other place and she will force my girlfriend to eat everything or else she is grounded. It’s almost like the mom is trying to get her fat. My girl has been able to resist this but even when she is hanging out with me, her mom will call her over and over again until she answers and demands that I give her food. She claims having a salad is not nearly enough food. The mom is absolutely obsessed with eating food. My girlfriend has never had any history of eating disorders of any sort. The mother is just simply crazy.

I have advised my girlfriend to show her mother articles from internet which point out how unhealthy this behavior is and the mom does not budge. She simply says “these people are stupid, I don’t agree with this. I don’t care what they have to say.” I truly think it's impossible to convince the mom of anything outside of her opinion, not matter the extent of the evidence or what it is.

Keep in mind that my girlfriend has never had any run-ins with the law, always does well in school and has given no reasons to be treated like a 5 year old. We are also NOT sexually active and we do not get into any trouble of any sort. (The mom calls her a slut because she refuses to believe we are not sexually active and thinks we are).

My girlfriend is falling into depression as a result of this and I am really worried for her. She has applied (secretly) to a couple of private colleges down south in Los Angeles so she can get out of here by the end of the summer, but she doesn’t know how long she can handle this. She is constantly crying, upset, stressed out, and as a result it is bringing me down too. I love her to death, and it kills me to see this.

I unfortunately don’t know what to do because the mom isn’t doing anything unlawful and there is not much that we feel can be done. The dad doesn’t care what’s going on, nothing will change any of the mom’s opinions, and we feel there is nothing that can be done. Does anyone have any suggestions for what we should do?

It has got to the point where she hates her mother. She truly does not love her anymore. She has so much anger and hatred built up and I am afraid she might do harm to herself or her parents.

She has not moved out because she fears her family will despise her and hate her (she is latino) and she has threatened to call the authorities on her mom but her dad screamed at her and got super angry with that. She doesn't want to be taken away and she's afraid that will happen if she reports them. She also doesn't want to leave because she is scared for her brother

November 27, 2013
4:59 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I am sorry but if what you are saying is all true, it's time for your girlfriend to seek help for herself & find somewhere else to live.  As for the brother, she can tell whomever is getting her the help she needs about his situation and children's agencies will come to the house and deal with the situation.  Tell your girlfriend that she does not deserve to live under these conditions & that she should not feel any kind of guilt or regret for having the courage to leave.  The Mother is not going to change.  The Father refuses to stand up for his daughter in fear of the wife.  The boy is totally abusive & being abused.

Time for your girlfriend to stand up for herself, reach out to the community & get out of this living condition.  Especially if she is thinking of hurting herself.

Try to sit with her and find out what services might be available to her at her age.  Tell her to keep quiet about her decision & not feel bad about it.  It's time she starts to take care of herself.

 

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