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!!! Help !!! Newbie family Problems. From "Kumbaya" to Devastated
July 27, 2013
12:16 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
July 27, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi all,


We need your advice.




5 sisters in their 50’s, parents in their 80’s. Great
family, very close, never any interaction problems.


2 years ago, a sister (we will call her Suzy) leaves her
seemingly terrific husband (we will call him Fred) of 30 years, for a gay women
(we will call her Mary). Suzy has been having an affair with Mary for 6 months.
Suzy leaves Fred (Fred has a terrific personality and makes over $50k a month),
Suzy moves in with her lover Mary. Suzy has several adult children, the
youngest away at college.


None of us had any idea that Suzy and Fred were not happy.


Suzy tells the family she is divorcing Fred, to live with
Mary. The family is shocked, reacts angrily, and quickly figures out that Suzy
will collect a large lump sum divorce settlement, and lengthy and large spousal
support; and from my point of view, the disapproving family members envision
Suzy as abandoning her children, and frolicking off into an undeserved life of sinful


The family immediately rallies around Fred, and invites Fred
to holidays (Fred was never very involved before). Suzy is told… Mary is not
welcome at family events. Future family events are organized to minimize the involvement
of Suzy. Suzy’s children and Fred are invited, and attend, without Suzy’s


I am the husband of the only sister that is supportive of Suzy.
I am also very supportive of Suzy. My feelings are, Suzy has always been level
headed, an intelligent kind soul, that was an integral part of the prior family
“Kumbaya” success. We all make mistakes and divorce can be ugly. Suzy would not
make the decision to leave Fred for Mary without careful consideration. Suzy,
by far and away, deserves to be accepted, unconditionally.


The 3 sisters and the mom whom object, say it is not a gay
issue, they say it is an infidelity issue, and how horrible the home wrecker
Mary is. They will talk on and on about how great a guy Fred is, and how wrong
Suzy was to leave him. What a horrible thing she is doing to the children. They
will say things like “I just can't seem to get over this”. “ I am not
comfortable supporting this wrong”.


This has gone along now for nearly 2 years. It is tiresome
for me and my wife, to interact with the other members of her family, that so
strongly disapprove of Suzy decisions.


Anyway, my life experience mental play book tells me. Be
patient. Set the example. They will come around.


Now my wife and I are thinking. Distance ourselves from
these people. Experiencing their point of view, actions and statements is


This family was so “kumbaya” great, and now, sadly, is catastrophically


??? What do you all suggest ???

July 27, 2013
12:24 pm
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just go to a big campground & invite all the family & sing Kumbaya.  All will be well after that instruction.  You can trust me, I have seen many a Doctor & this has been well researched advice.

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