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Father Issues
August 9, 2011
6:47 pm
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warrendo
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August 9, 2011
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When it comes to other people, my father is the kindest person you know. He's friendly, generous, and helpful. When people come to our door, he invites them in them and has a jolly good time. When it comes to personal things though, he becomes a totally different person. He finds fault in everything and is never happy. He gets upset over the craziest things and makes our lives horrible. He tells these hurtful jokes about us to his family making everything worse. His mom calls us constantly badgering our mom telling her she's a horrible person and that she stole her baby boy and kept him from her. Coming back to the point, he keeps everybody in the family under a schedule and if things don't happen his way he gets upset about it. If you say anything to him, he tells you to shut up and but out of it. He's impossible to talk to and says everything is backtalk. He hates being wrong an the worst part is that he try's to be a perfectionist.

Here are few examples:

Alright so a few weeks ago I was planning to take my brother and his cousin to Kings Island (theme park). My dad decides to come with us because he wants to swim. Well we go and have a good time, until we're about to leave. I wanted to leave around four, so I call my brother around 3:30pm to tell him to meet us at the car by 4. They said ok, but we're getting on one more ride. I said alright. So around 3:50, my brother calls me telling me that someone misplaced thier bag so they have to find it. Around 4:15, they get the bag back and head for the car. When they get to the car, the first thing my dad does is scream at them, swearing up and down they were liars and how they lied to him. All we heard on the way home was his ranting and raving about being on time and how we would be late for our funeral.

About two years ago, my brother and I walked up to our local park (about 1 mile away). It was a hot day and we were thirsty. We stopped at speedway to get an icee to cool down. When we got home, our dad saw the cups and was pissed. He wasn't pissed about getting drinks, he was pissed because we didn't call and ask if we needed milk. He wa screaming at us all night about milk!

During my last two years of high school, I took college level classes to get credits. He was okay with that, but when it came to the homework, boy was he upset. My teachers would constantly being assigning things and I had a hard time balancing things out. He would get upset with me all the time because I wasnt able to do something because I was working on an assigment for school. Sometimes he would literally take my homework and rip it up or unplug the computer on me. You know how difficult it is to explain to your teachers that your father shredded your homework? I usually just went someplace after school to get it done..

The worst thing about him is he never appreciates anything. When my brother and I clean the house, we do the best we can. He gets home and gets upset because something isn't done the way he wanted it to be.

He makes our mom upset and she is always crying herself to sleep because of his behavior and he has turned my brother into some heartless jerk.
I've literally contemplated suicide but knew best not to do anything drastic. Any advice on how to deal with this man would be helpful. I can't stand it anymore

August 10, 2011
11:26 pm
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ShiningLight
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February 9, 2011
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warrendo,

 

I'm so sorry for what happened to you and your family. I understand how you feel right now and how hard it is for you to deal with your father's behavior all this time. Maybe it has something to do with anger problems and anger management would be one solution to that. Also, you said that things are just getting worse in the family then you need to consult a Family Counselor or join a conflict coaching that can help you fix issues surrounding the family. Your father may have issues in the past years and that may have affected him the way he behaves and treated all of you. That's the first thing you need to know and talk about as a group/family. Talk to your mother first and suggest those things. The situation may caused your mother depression and anxiety but it's one way of resolving the problems. Whatever happens, you will always be a family and there's no one else who can settle things in the family but the members of the family themselves. Work these things out with your brother. Don't ever engage in suicide attempts as it will not help you solve your problems but only will make things more complicated. Hold on and stay strong

 

Hoping for the best.

November 15, 2011
10:27 am
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mickeymouse
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November 15, 2011
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Hi. I just posted about my father also. He does not act exactly the same way, but he is also impossible. He pouts all night if something doesn't go exactly his way and is very manipulative.. Manipulative to the point that he almost ruined my life by controlling me.

But to the rest of the world he is a really nice guy.. so if I don't talk to him it looks like I'm the one with the problem! 

I can cut ties with him, but he is still a part of the family so I would have to see him when I see my mother.

I know my reply to your post is not really helping you, but I relate. I'm going to try and be honest, and tell him when he is wrong. every time, even if he tries to make me feel guilty.. because I'm obsessing on my hatred towards him after all these years of me letting him do this (i'm in my thirties). 

God Bless.

November 16, 2011
11:57 pm
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ShiningLight
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February 9, 2011
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mickeymouse,

 

I just replied to your post http://www.allaboutcounseling......ng-father/. Hoping that everything will be fine soon and just continue to be strong as support will always be at your side here in AAC.

 

God Bless you too.Smile

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