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father and son problems
June 20, 2014
3:10 pm
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jenny1000
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June 20, 2014
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Hi

I have a 20 yr old son who has completely cut off his dad from his life since 3 yrs. They live together but they do not talk at all. My husband was emotionally and verbally abusive towards my son whilst growing up and now my son has anger, hate and resentment towards his dad. Its been 3 yrs since and my husband completely admits his faults and says everything is his fault for mistreating our son. My husband has changed since they broke up and he has become a better person and tries everyday to make eye contact and talk to his son. He misses him dearly, but my son will not even look his way. My son also suffered depression during high school and he was on medication. It has been a year since my son has been off his meds, he has found a job and is a hardworking man. Although he is better from his depression he still has so much anger for his dad, but he has noticed the change in his dad that he is trying to be a better parent., but my son cannot get pass the way he was treated, he is finding it hard to forgive and move on. My son told me that he feels like a failure in everything he does and I know the core reason is that he doesn't have a good relationship with his dad. My son also told me that he wants a father figure in his life but he doesn't have that in his dad.

 

Although my son sees the changes in his dad, he just cannot let go of the past, fearing his dad will mistreat him again. I have made an appointment with a counsellor. I am hoping from the counselling he will find forgiveness and begin to live a better life. Cry

June 21, 2014
6:44 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Jenny, you son is 20 and has the right to make his own decisions about who he wishes to have a relationship with.  I am unclear as to what his father did to him in the past.  In general, sorry is not quite enough if it was long term abuse.  Anger does not solve anything.  It sounds like a good idea perhaps for your son to meet other men who he can identify with as a father figure & move forward with his life.  Rehashing the pain of the past will not change it.

 

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