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Family dysfunction with a terminally ill parent
July 8, 2013
2:57 pm
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CelloGrl1
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July 8, 2013
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Hello,

I am 27 and I have a 22 year old brother. My mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer about two years ago. She almost died twice, and when she got healthier she managed to divorce my dad (emotionally abusive and a Hoarder) and bought a small condo so we could all live together for support. While I do live with her, I pay my share of bills and I am working on a masters degree and waiting for my boyfriend to finish his phD while I work multiple jobs.
The problem is my dad, brother, and brothers girlfriend. My brother is very flighty and struggles with holding down work and passing his classes. He is working a seasonal job right now that I got him, and that's about it. His girlfriend just graduated with a nursing degree, is from out of state, and needed somewhere to live so she could wait to take the NCLEX.
My brother moved out on MOTHERS day, telling my mom the same day he was leaving to live with my dad for the summer. My dad agreed to house the girl, only if he lived there. His girlfriend is not allowed in our house. She writes a blog, and frequently talks negatively about my mother and I. To give you all a good idea, the journal entry the day after my mom was placed on a Trach tube detailed her as being the four letter c word with cancer. When they disappeared for a week, and my nana was in the hospital, my dad refused to tell me where they went.
I know my mom is afraid of not having a relationship with my brother. But he won't dump his
girlfriend and always comes around begging for food and money. I would like to have a better relationship with him, because I don't speak to my dad much. But his girlfriend inhibits it. I just want things to be better, and I'm not sure what to do. I can't let my brother play my mom, and I have a hard time swallowing the four letter c word to describe my mother

July 8, 2013
4:36 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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January 18, 2012
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Cello,

I am tired, but I did attempt to try and understand what you are saying & I am very annoyed.  Where does this girlfriend get off talking about your Mom at all?  Whether your Mom is terminally ill or perfectly healthy does not give this girl any right to open her mouth.  I would tell your brother that you have no business deciding on who he is dating or courting, but that when it comes to your Mom he needs to tell his girlfriend to keep her mouth shut.  If she has nasty things to say about your Mom, let her do it with your brother in private.  I still do not see the connection?  Why does your Mom factor in with the relationship with your brother and his very rude girlfriend?  Did your Mom have words with her?   Sounds like your brother should take more responsibility for his poor choices.

 

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