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Difficult relationship with my father ever since his girlfriend
March 24, 2015
1:37 pm
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j9queen
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March 24, 2015
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Would you just keep silent or express how you feel to your father one last time?

 

 

Basically, the woman my father chooses to be with has at every turn convinced our father that his children steal from him, that we are all on drugs, mentally unfit, that we only talk to him when we want money. It wasn't always like this.  At first she was sweet as pie, then over time stuff just started happening.  The list goes on and on. I can visit with him and have a wonderful time, then the next thing I know I'm accused of doing something mundane like stealing a book or something ridiculous. One time I had a terrible sinus infection, and I was accused of being on drugs because my eyes were bloodshot and watery. In addition to this sort of stuff, she will talk to one of my brothers or sisters and lie to them about something I've said or she will talk to me and tell me something that they said about me which is not true. Other things, I could put a ton of effort and thought into a present for my father which he will be delighted with then a month later he will tell me that it was a crappy gift, or that I was somehow making fun of him, or something absurd like that...and quite often she gives the gifts to her children or to goodwill.  Also, she has basically made it so none of us participate in the family business whatsoever!  I have worked for them, and at the time she would lie to my father telling him that I was insubordinate, even when I began jotting down or asking that she email me lists of what she wants done, she would lie to him and make me look bad...she even convinced him that I have adhd which he believed because he showed up one day with herbal supplements for attention/focusing.  I'm definitely not adhd, not even close.  As of now, none of us have been invited to work for him...but all her children, nieces, nephews or whomever do.  I have seen love letters she had written to my father in their early relationship, some had things like "if you ever leave me, I will take my life" or "I would die without you", etc. This lady has even told him that because I don't vote republican, it is my way of showing him disrespect and that I have little value for him in my life.  Seriously whacked stuff!  I think she emotionally blackmails him, or something.  They are extremely codependent...they do EVERYTHING together.  If he has ever seen me out of her sight, she needs to know EVERYTHING we talked about...and I mean everything.  I know this because, each time when I see her again she will talk to me about the details of my conversation was with my father which could range from my personal stuff to politics. 

I'm deeply concerned, I know there is little I can do, really.  I have expressed things to him before, years ago when this all first started happening.  I even stopped talking with them for a bout 2 years because I just couldn't take it anymore.  But after my mother passed, I reached out to him again.  He has seemed concerned  when I would open up to him, but then would come back to me with that I'm crazy, and that I don't love him, etc.  Even my siblings have attempted, and get the same response.  He is getting older, and I know this is his choice.  I get that, at the same time I feel like I can't have a genuine relationship with him but at the same time I think telling him any of this will only make it worse and fuel whatever her agenda/problem is.  It seems he is oblivious to how his children feel, or if it is at all brought to his attention he dismisses it as some ulterior motive or that we are all crazy and don't know what we are talking about, etc.  Cry Thoughts?

March 25, 2015
6:37 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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j9queen:

I am sorry to tell you that everyone has at least one person in their life like this.  Some have many & so I guess even though it is sad that this person is ruining the relationship you would like to have with your father, you must accept that he needs her in his life or he would see her for what she really is.  My approach would be that of sorrow towards her behavior because obviously she needs to manipulate his affection and attention & that is almost a criminal offense if you were to ask my opinion.  Think of it this way, your Dad is happy right?  The woman is happy right?  You are miserable.  If I were you & you still want to somehow be close to your Dad, I would agree with everything she says, regardless of how moronic and untrue it all is.  Your Dad might hate you or think less of you, but you will at least still be allowed to see him.  Cry & apologize every time she tells him something horrid that you did not do or decide to let go of your relationship with your (I think) biological father.  Try j9Queen to be happy with the others in your life that know who you are & would never believe this woman & hold tight to them.  Let them know one way or another what you have decided respecting your relationship with your Dad because it might seem rather confusing on how you behave around him & his woman.  Don't wait for your Dad to tell her what you two might have done together not in her presence, always spill every last thing in front of your Dad.  Try your best if you decide to stay close to your Dad to become her BFF or you will be very unhappy.  I have a person in my life (more than one) like this & one in particular who is not family at all & I cannot stand her.  She does things to me & my family that are illegal and cruel, but I have no choice but to accept what her & her lover do because I am stuck in a living situation that might never change.  I refuse to befriend her because in the past I really tried & all she and her lover did was tell me lies non stop.  Everyone in my family is affected.  We are essentially her hostages so I know how you feel believe me.

O.D.T.S.P.

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