Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Broken hearted grandparent
November 18, 2013
6:07 pm
Avatar
BroInLaw
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
November 18, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My sister has 2 children in their 30's, each of which has one child. My sister is in her early 60's, is widowed and lives alone, though she has a steady boyfriend. She has been a school teacher for 25 years and is a good and responible person.

My sister has a very close relationship with her daughter and a wonderful relationship with that granddaugther. She babysits for this granddaughter all of the time. She and her daughter (sometimes with her granddaughter)  meet regularly for dinner and movies and are frequently at each other's homes. Her relationship with her son-in-law is also very good.

The relationship with her son is good when his wife is not around, but is a nightmare when she is around. My sister and her son speak almost daily, and on occasion when he is out alone with his daughter they will stop by for a visit. In 4 years, my sister has never been asked to babysit for this granddaughter, though the daughter-in-laws parents and siblings babysit for her all of the time. When she asked her daughter-in-law if she could schedule a play date with her granddaughter, the daughter-in-law turned into Dr. Jeckyl and said she woulld never allow her to be alone with her granddaughter.

I don't know how my sister can ever be in the same room with her daughter-in-law ever again. The is no logical reason for her daughter-in-law to treat her (and us) this way. I believe that this is some sort of brainwashing or mental illness that has caused her to believe that anyone that is not her blood relation is an evil being.

Our extended family (4 generations) gets together every few months for holidays, birthdays, etc. The family dynamic between all of
us is great, except for the daughter-in-law. Since their marriage, her son and daughter-in-law have excused themselves from attending almost every family gathering at any of our homes and have never once had a family gathering with our family at their home. On rare occasions, her son will join us alone or with his daughter.

We first noticed, at her son's wedding, that the daughter-in-law's family sticks together and shuts everyone else out. It has also come to our attention that the son and daughter-in-law have had marital problems serious enough to have counseling.

It is breaking my heart to see them breaking my sister's heart. My sister stays quiet because she doesn't want to cause marital problems between her son and his wife. I want to help so bad, but I don't know how. How does a family solve a problem like this?

Thanks,

B

November 24, 2013
6:22 am
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Family.  You should be so grateful.  I have two siblings that have to make an effort to speak with me.  My eldest sister if I am lucky once for a short time every couple of weeks and the other sister would sooner me be dead then make the effort.  Then there is my Dad.  Took him a few months, but has made it clear to me & to my sisters that he cannot handle speaking with me.  I am a single parent of three sons.  I am a pretty private person & would rather talk about issues with family, but all I have really is my own children & an ex husband who rarely visits his children.  I used to have many friends, but all have either moved far away or live far away & so I can only speak to them on phone or not at all.  I am not looking for a romantic relationship so that's that.

My ex's brother invites us over to his home on occassion, but its a little akward for everyone since many years have past.  I know you feel that your trouble is great & that you feel you should fix the dynamics of the problem within the family, but my suggestion is to just be grateful for what does work & cherish the fact that at least part of a family is functioning very well.

I would give anything to have a real relationship with my extended family, but as they have told me time & again "no one wants to handle your shit".  I have heard it now so many times, that I have totally stopped trying to pretend that these people are my blood.

I have three sons who have their own issues, but we try very hard to love and honour each other & we all listen to each others "shit" every single day.  This is my understanding of what Family is.  Being there for the good & the laughter & being there for the hard times too.  For sharing & for caring whenever need be.

 

One Day

November 26, 2013
4:15 am
Avatar
cdd8920
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 7, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I totally understand where you are coming from.

I have struggled for years to have a relationships with my extended "family". My mother/father abandoned me when I was an infant. She died many years ago...my father lives 15 minutes away. If I do decide to "visit"...I am not there 10 minutes and he is telling me to leave.

My grandmother raised me...she is currently 85 years old. She is all that I have ever had. I have aunts/uncles...they have never given a shit about me. Her husband died last year. Now I am being told to STAY AWAY FROM HER. I have been threatened with jail, etc. if I contact her...??? This is coming from her son; who is NOTHING but a GREEDY BASTARD. Scared she is gonna spend a dollar that she won't get when she finally passes. So that relationship is GONE. 

24 year old daughter. Take her in off the street a year and a half ago. She ends up pregnant. We move to a big house that we can't afford (I also have a 18 and 15 year old). Support her throughout her pregnancy. She has the baby...two weeks later she shacks up with another worthless man (NOT the babys father). Leaves us holding the bag. 5,000 in debt because of her. Pull my youngest out of the only school she has ever known...back to living in a 2 bedroom apartment to try to get back on track.

I dealth with NOTHING but emotional abuse and disrespect from her. Now, the situation is OUT OF CONTROL. She ASSAULTED ME FROM BEHIND last week. I was walking away from her...she jumps on my back and proceeds to put me in a head lock and beat me with her FIST. I GO TO JAIL (she had visible injuries...I didn't...??????????). Now I am being forced to defend myself against restraining orders, assault charges, etc. WHO DOES THAT TO THEIR MOTHER?????? Um, YOU'RE WELCOME FOR ALL WE HAVE DONE FOR YOU. 

So...my "family" now consists of my boyfriend, my youngest daughter, and my son. 

Talk about feeling LONELY. This is what I get for spending a lifetime trying to build relationships, helping people, being selfless...always puting others above myself.

Boy, what a dumbass I am.

I am trying to survive by telling myself that I have always tried to do the right thing...but ask myself every minute of every day...WHY???

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111048
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714357
Newest Members:
nickvoz, jron1945bas, juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes, rickymorgan3165
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information