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Am I too selfish?
October 10, 2013
12:50 pm
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Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
July 19, 2013
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I recently moved out of my parents house (I'm 31 now) much to their chagrin. They aren't doing well financially and they were heavily relying on my support to get by (my dad cannot work any longer due to health issues, my mother hasn't worked for the passed 8-9 years.)


I had enough of living with my overly conservative parents and after wrenching years of decision making, finally moved out. This has forced my 60 year old mother to go back to work. Now I am grappling with extreme guilt that she is working again.


I hated living with them at my age, I felt that I wasn't progressing in life. It wasn't doing great things for my self-esteem and I felt like I couldn't date because I didn't want to admit that I lived w/ my parents still. (Also, my parents are religious and don't approve of pre-marital relations which would be a given if I started dating anyone seriously) But now I hate myself because I forced my elderly mother to go back to work. Both my parents have done so much for me and now I feel (and they probably feel) that i've abandoned them when they needed it the most.


Am I incredibly selfish moving out and making my mother get a job? Am I justified in wanting to live my life for me and not supporting them forever? Any advice of how to reconcile this horrible guilt I have?

October 13, 2013
6:03 pm
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October 13, 2013
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I feel for you because I understand how that feels personally. My parents are in a similiar situation and it pains me that I am unable to help as much as I did in the past. The fact that you are here questioning your intentions prove that you are not a selfish individual. Selfish people don't consider how their actions affect others.

Here is what I do. Every so often, I pick up a bill. I encourage them to find ways to better themselves in careers that are easy for them to pursue with their various health issues. I have also encouraged them to consider applying for disability. I am a big daddy's girl and mommy's girl since I am the youngest. With that being said, I sometimes pay for them to come visit me (I live in another state now) by saying "I'm lonely" even though I really just want to give them a break. My mom has began to babysit while my dad works security (kind of a desck job). I am so proud of how far they have come despite their health issues. At the end of the day, they're your parents. You know you wont let them fall but they do know how to take care of themselves. They did it before. Trust in them, motivate them to seek out options (maybe disabililty benefits), and if you can, be a blessing every once in a while. But do enjoy life with no regrets. I think you did the right thing. God bless you and your family!!

November 28, 2013
4:21 am
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
November 19, 2013
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I think that you have to live with your parents because at this age they need you. When you were child your parents take care of yours very much. At that time your parents need you. The decision is yours. Take time think deeply.

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