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Am I a bad son?
October 13, 2014
10:17 am
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kyle_pzu
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October 13, 2014
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I'm 25 and I moved away from my parents house when I was 19, because I started college. 
After I graduated, I decided to stay in my college's city, since I have found a good job, and also because I had a girlfriend there (we started dating on my last year of college). 
I'm still living/working there and the only financial aid my parents are giving is the payment of my car, which my father insisted he wanted to give me as a gift. 
The thing is: I want to propose to my girlfriend and we're planning on getting married in March, 2016. I talked this through with my mother and she keeps saying that I am too immature and marriage is a serious thing. Well, I can assure I'm being serious!
What I can sense in those conversations is that she doesn't want me to get married (not because she doesn't like my girlfriend, but mainly because she simply doesn't want me to get hitched). I thought she would change her mind with the given time but that is not the case, she still thinks like that after months. 
I get that my mother loves me and she doesn't want me to get hurt or anything, but it's driving me mad, she avoids this conversation everytime I touch the subject. I have a feeling that even though I'm perfectly happy, she doesn't like the life I'm living, she thought I would be a CEO or a director or whatever. (and I've always said that my idea of sucess is not related to money, but to happiness. I can assure money is not a problem in my life just because it doesn't revolve around it).
I've always made life decisions considering my parents thoughts on everything, but now I really think I should stand ground whether my mother aproves it or not. 
Am I being a bad son for thinking like that? 
PS: I think it's important to say that my mother and my girlfriend really DO get along well. They never fought and she often says my girlfriend is wife material. Her problem is mainly with the fact that I'm getting married, thus "leaving mom's nest".

I'm 25 and I moved away from my parents house when I was 19, because I started college. After I graduated, I decided to stay in my college's city, since I have found a good job, and also because I had a girlfriend there (we started dating on my last year of college). I'm still living/working there and the only financial aid my parents are giving is the payment of my car, which my father insisted he wanted to give me as a gift. The thing is: I want to propose to my girlfriend and we're planning on getting married in March, 2016. I talked this through with my mother and she keeps saying that I am too immature and marriage is a serious thing. Well, I can assure I'm being serious!
What I can sense in those conversations is that she doesn't want me to get married (not because she doesn't like my girlfriend, but mainly because she simply doesn't want me to get hitched). I thought she would change her mind with the given time but that is not the case, she still thinks like that after months. I get that my mother loves me and she doesn't want me to get hurt or anything, but it's driving me mad, she avoids this conversation everytime I touch the subject. I have a feeling that even though I'm perfectly happy, she doesn't like the life I'm living, she thought I would be a CEO or a director or whatever. (and I've always said that my idea of sucess is not related to money, but to happiness. I can assure money is not a problem in my life just because it doesn't revolve around it).I've always made life decisions considering my parents thoughts on everything, but now I really think I should stand ground whether my mother aproves it or not. Am I being a bad son for thinking like that? PS: I think it's important to say that my mother and my girlfriend really DO get along well. They never fought and she often says my girlfriend is wife material. Her problem is mainly with the fact that I'm getting married, thus "leaving mom's nest".

October 13, 2014
11:51 pm
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onedaythiswillpass
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No. You are not a bad son.  Your Mother needs to accept your decisions.  This is not her life, it is your own.  Your decisions do not sound flippant or unreasonable & I wish you and your girlfriend the very best.  I hope you both continue in your studies & I hope that your Mother learns to accept your life choices whether she agrees with them or not.  Many Mothers have troubles with the women their sons are going to marry.  So do many Dad's with the men that their daughters choose to wed.  Most parents think that the person chosen is never good enough for their child because they have little objectivity & even if they were correct in their judgement, they do not have the right to decide their children's choices.  If your Mom is a smart woman, she will try to stay close to both you & your girlfriend & respect your decisons.  You are leaving your "Mom's nest", but if you remember that she is always your Mom & the both of you respect one another, it is a natural and normal departure.  Remind her often that you are not going to another planet! If she is alone, make sure you do not forget about her & stay in touch.

 

One Day

December 17, 2014
10:17 am
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mom of 5
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Here is a perspective from your mom's side.  A good mom only wants the best for her children and if she is like me, she put a A LOT of love, time & energy into rearing you into a good man.  On the timeline of life she is more experienced and probably just wants you and your gf to take some more time getting to know each other and this is not a bad thing because this is BIG decision! I recommend taking  good pre-marital counseling classes that last over a course of around six months. This way many things that couples disagree about is discussed before hand and it can only help build a better marriage. You really can get to know her even better that way and this should put your mom at ease. On my own personal note I have recommend this to some of my children who recently married and found it funny that they didn't want to take the time to do that! I do not understand this reasoning.  Now one of them is always complaining about stuff and I don't know what to say.  This woman is the potential mother to your 10 children! Get to know her a little more.  Best to you!

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