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Is he headed back down that road?
May 28, 2011
9:34 am
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tired-confused
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Not sure where to start, so I will just jump straight in to it.

My boyfriend spent some time in rehab about 6 years ago, for cocaine.  He has since had two slip ups with it that I know of.  One when he was in boot camp, and one this past Deceember after we had a falling out.  Both have affected him in a bad way, because he failed urine tests given by the army.  The military has not really done to much to help him, they suggested that he go for help and threatned to discharge him but that's about the extent. 

 

My problem is this, being that I have never been a drug user myself, and can't stand the thought of them.  I know nothing about recovery.  But my boyfriend,  feels that these were isolated incidents and that he doesn't have a problem.  He is a big drinker, and still smokes pot, which I feel is not something an addict should be doing.  I try to tell him this, but he just gets mad and it starts a war between us.  This man has so much to offer and is highly intelligent, and an amazing person, but he feels that smoking pot is ok, and that is the only way he can relax. That on top of the fact that he can't go out and have just a drink with the guys, he has to drink till he is trashed, tells me that he has a very addictive personality. 

My question is this.  Is is true that once your in recovery that you are in recovery forever?  Is his smoking and drinking, signs that he is headed into something worse?  How do I help him see that drinking and smoking are not the way to deal with his problems? 

He tells me I am over reacting to this, but I love this man with all my heart and don't want to see him screw up his life.  He has been very lucky so far, but eventually everything catches up to people.  Do I have a right to worry?  Am I over reacting?  Someone please give me advice, I don't know what to do!

 

I might add that he has also promised me on several occasions that he was going to quit smoking, and he will do fine for a couple of months, but as soon as he hits a hard time or something he doesn't want to deal with he goes right back. 

March 13, 2012
4:02 pm
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jordan.s
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Thanks for sharing your story. First of all, it takes very strong feelings towards someone to really devote so much effort into helping him. Although I don't know much, I do know you love him and am willing to make a lot of sacrifices to ensure his safety. That in itself initiates a bond that he has been taken for granted. Does he have anyone else that is pushing him to quit smoking or drinking or doing drugs? One of the best ways for addicts to quit is the realization of the harm they are putting on other people. I know you have tried to tell him that, but you need to be very upfront and perhaps even hold an intervention. It is a lot to handle, but making him come to reality can be just what he needs to turn things around. Like you said, a promising young man should not go through life drug and high. But, the fact that he has been rejected from the army and doesn't do anything about it sends a message that he needs stronger influences and resources to help him. That being said, it may take more than just your words and/or those looking after him. Yes, he says that he is going to quit smoking, but that hasn't happened because he isn't held accountable and/or motivated enough. I'm not saying it is your fault, but the spark that drives people to change is missing. Everyone gets motivated in different ways, but until he realizes who is suffering will he change. Be it getting a sponsor, going to a support group, couple counseling, or even enrolling in an addiction treatment center can be just what he needs. There are more resources out there so take advantage of them. Even though the treatment for his cocaine addiction didn't work 6 years ago doesn't mean he is hopeless or unable to cure. Treatment options vary, and that one certainly didn't do it for him. I hope this helps and good luck as you work through this very difficult stage in your relationship.

October 1, 2013
3:32 pm
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addictionhotline
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Unfortunately, your story is not unusual. Many addicts relapse after undergoing a comprehensive drug rehab treatment. The relapses do occur, and they are not necessarily the signs of failed treatment. It could mean, that your boyfriend will need to undergo another round of drug rehab treatment, and address those issues, that are related to his relapse and possible triggers. One thing about the addiction you should know, that it is a chronic disorder, that effects an individual  physically and psychologically. You may have heard the saying, "Once is a drug addict, always is a drug addict"! Unfortunately, this is not far away  from the truth!  A recovered addict learns to manage his addiction, by  staying away from drugs, changing their surrounding, that associates with drug use,  and substitute their drug using times with different therapeutic activities.

Even if the person successfully completed his drug rehab treatment, and learned how to live without drugs, there is still a chance that he may relapse. During their treatment, the patients learn to understand the underlying cause of their addiction, and how to cope with life's stress without using drugs. Behavioral therapy, individual and group counseling, are all very important components of an effective and successful treatment. While completing their drug rehab program, the patients learn how to deal with cravings and triggers to avoid relapse. A person treated for drug or

alcohol addiction will always have to watch out for these likelihoods, and have  a very good plan set in place for an emergency situation.

Now, the reason your boyfriend is telling you that you are over reacting, is because he is in the stage of denial. Most addicts will not admit they have a problem, and will often get defensive, if you ask them about their drug use. The only choice you have, is to ask him to get professional help, and while he is in treatment you can provide the support he needs. If he refuses to get help, then you should decide if you want to stick around, and watch his self-destructive behavior. You cannot change him. He needs to be willing to get help. Staying around someone with drug addiction problem is extremely difficult and burdensome. Make the right choice! You  deserve to have a better life!

 

Best to you!

Tanya Wise

The Addiction Hotline

(855) YES-REHAB

(855) 937-7342

October 15, 2013
10:25 pm
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aaronwebvizards
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The story so far of you is very realistic & many like you are suffering unwantedly in the hands of a addicted person. Though many goes to rehab center for recovery but due to non completion of its tenure they may again relapse to their old bad days of addiction, so check before its too late whether this person really loves you or he is just faking, since if he really loves you then he'll definitly try to understand whay you feel you find him drinking or smoking. Also go check out what is the exact cause of his addiction & try to refrian him from friends who have got the tendency to drink & smoke. In the meantime get in touch with a nearby rehab center for further help on this. Since he cannot be changed forcefully, rather he needs to create a drive within to get rid of this unwanted habit before its too.

January 9, 2014
9:37 pm
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Dr. Basim Elhabashy
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your boyfriend will need to undergo another round of drug rehab
treatment, and address those issues, that are related to his relapse and
possible triggers.

February 12, 2014
9:49 am
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goodfuturerehabcenter said:

your boyfriend will need to undergo another round of drug rehab

treatment, and address those issues, that are related to his relapse and

possible triggers.


That sounds about right to meCool
March 25, 2014
2:10 pm
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Jamie514
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Sh*ttin~Pretty said:

goodfuturerehabcenter said:

your boyfriend will need to undergo another round of drug rehab

treatment, and address those issues, that are related to his relapse and

possible triggers.


That sounds about right to meCool
 

Yup...he's gonna need to figure out WHY he turns to substances to cope with things and then find new ways to cope that don't involve substances.  Not an easy task, but one that can be done.  He has to want it...no matter how much you want it for him, the decision to get clean and sober is his and his alone.

 

Hang in there...

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