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warning signs of abusive relationships
January 19, 2011
10:15 am
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beatrize
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My friend has a new boyfriend and I feel that he is bad news.  Just this week, she came to me crying.  The new boyfriend prevented her from coming to my house, but she resisted.  They had a big fight.  I'm not sure if this is a sign of an abusive relationship, but I do know that if your boyfriend or spouse tries to control you, then that's a danger sign.  What are the behaviors that we should be looking at???
January 20, 2011
12:04 pm
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BettyAnn
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Well, it sounds like she is being up front with you about the problems they are having so that's a good thing. If he routinely tries to stop her from seeing and/or talking to her friends and family, she needs to get away. People who have control issues like that do not often stop there. If the significant other lets them get away with that, it will escalate.

January 20, 2011
12:45 pm
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6yroldkid
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You're right, controlling behaviors are a danger sign of abusive relationships. It is the dominance that abusers seek, they need to be in control of the relationship. Although it might be difficult to find out unless you are with your friend 24/7, this is one of the first things that signal an abusive relationship.

January 20, 2011
12:46 pm
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6yroldkid
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BettyAnn said:

Well, it sounds like she is being up front with you about the problems they are having so that's a good thing. If he routinely tries to stop her from seeing and/or talking to her friends and family, she needs to get away. People who have control issues like that do not often stop there. If the significant other lets them get away with that, it will escalate.


I agree.  Most people think that giving in now means that they want to their relationship to work, but it's a control issue, not a romantic one.
January 20, 2011
6:53 pm
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yecharu
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January 20, 2011
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Agree.  But domination is not the only warning sign.  Sometimes the partner humiliates you, isolates you and even threatens you.  They will make you feel bad about yourself so much so that you lose your self esteem and you feel unwanted.  They will also try to cut you off from the outside world, from your friends and family.  

Threats are fairly common in abusive relationships... they do this so they could keep you in the relationship.

January 20, 2011
8:13 pm
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purplesaber
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Controlling is definitely a sign of an abusive relationship. 🙁 I had a friend that I was very close to. She began dating this guy with a big jealous streak. He wouldn't let her hang out with any of her friends, even her female friends.

January 21, 2011
1:06 am
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XanaxDid
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January 21, 2011
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purplesaber said:

Controlling is definitely a sign of an abusive relationship. 🙁 I had a friend that I was very close to. She began dating this guy with a big jealous streak. He wouldn't let her hang out with any of her friends, even her female friends.


That jealousy can be very damaging!

Another sign is intimidation.  Making a knife very visible is one example, this will force you to obey your partner.  Plus they are very good at making you feel that it's your fault.  They will blame you for their actions!

January 23, 2011
9:25 pm
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remembrance
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January 23, 2011
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I agree that it would be difficult to find these out because abusers tend to do their evil deeds when there's nobody around.  They will not abuse you if someone else is watching, but they will if you are alone with them.  So how do you know if your friend is being abused?  

Here are the signs:

  1. She tries very hard to please her boyfriend.
  2. She goes along with what her boyfriend says no matter how ridiculous it is.
  3. She reports to him frequently.
  4. She gets harrasing phone calls from her boyfriend.
  5. She may talk about her boyfriend's moods, temper, possessiveness and jealousy.
January 24, 2011
12:01 pm
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dandelionsx
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January 24, 2011
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If there is physical abuse going on, expect to see your friend in clothing that hides bruises and marks.  If they get too many bruises and they excuse it as accidents, then that's another sign.

January 24, 2011
1:37 pm
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alvin
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January 17, 2011
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I think that your friend is being isolated.  That's why she can't see you or any of her friends.  Also, does she bring his boyfriend along whereever she goes?  Does she have control over her own finances?

January 25, 2011
6:03 am
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ichsabel
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January 25, 2011
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My sister was in an abusive relationship.  Apart from the things you guys have mentioned, I also noticed some changes to her personality.  She used to be very confident and out going... at the worst period of her relationship, she had very low self-esteem and withdrew into her world.  She tried to commit suicide at one point.  If we didn't intervene and scared the a##shole off, she would be dead today.

January 25, 2011
7:21 am
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julietroache
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January 25, 2011
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I think that it's important to make it your responsibility to speak out if you think someone you know is being abused.  Take away the thinking that what they do is none of your business... make it your business.  As you have pointed out, if you didn't intervene, your sister would be dead by now.

January 25, 2011
8:25 am
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Amity11
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January 17, 2011
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Here are some red flags that you might be in an abusive relationship

theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/red-flags-for-abusive-relationships/

January 26, 2011
6:22 am
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BabblingIdiot
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January 22, 2011
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All of these answers are correct. Remember he most likely has threatened her if she tells he will hurt or do worse to her. Does she have children? As someone who went through this myself I will tell you that she will have to make the decision to get away on her own. I am not saying for you to stop encouraging her to do this. She will have to find a way to overcome how low he has made her feel and then she will leave.

June 3, 2011
8:38 am
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Broken1
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I am in an abusive relationship. I really love the guy but he is very controlling. I know that I have done somethings that would cause him not to trust me but he never lets it go.  I am always being questioned or accused of doing something sneaky, underhanded or I'm an all out liar!  This hurts me so much because I have begun to see the changes in myself.  I am isolated from my friends and family because I would rather not deal with the arguing or accusations of me doing something wrong. I try to please my boyfriend every way that I can but it is never good enough. He is always wondering what haven't I told him.  He feels that I have cheated or will cheat and I know this is something that he could not handle.  I am doing nothing of the sorts but I am slowly losing my true self while trying to reassure him of my innocence.  I really don't know what to do anymore.  When I suggest that he leaves me alone if he feels he can't trust me then he gets very angry and says that I can easily tell him to leave because I have other options waiting for me. I have driven myself sick of this situation still I do not know how to end it and be safe!Yell

June 6, 2011
10:13 am
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ShiningLight
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February 9, 2011
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Hi Broken1,

 

Welcome to AAC. Regarding your concern, is your boyfriend aware about his controlling behavior? maybe it's time to confront him about the issue cause you might end up hurting each other in the end which is not really good. Try to talk things out together. Maybe you're always together but you aren't really communicating well. Try to figure it out  for yourself first and talk to him after. It would be better also to consult your counselor about your concern so that you'll know more what to do so as your partner as well.

 

Be Well.Smile

 

Regards,

- AAC Support

March 12, 2014
1:05 pm
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valentinbucur
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Hello,

I found valuable information here http://www.relationship-advice.....lationship. Check this out.

Best wishes!

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