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please help
January 20, 2012
11:27 am
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kaganda
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January 20, 2012
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i am so lost and confused and alone. my husband of almost two years now. though, we have been in  a relationship for 11 years now had a fight which started small and he ended up almost strangling me. this is not the first time he did this. the first time was when we were not married yet, he pushed me and i almost tripped on the floor. and many more after that, like squeezing my arms. shaking my shoulder. slapped my face when i was pregnant and everytime he would cry and promise that he will never do this again. but the violence is getting worse and worse. we have a 20 month old daughter. and hes dependent on me. he's the one taking care of our daughter while im the one working. he just finished school and studying for his exams now to get a license.  he was very apologetic the other day when he strangled me. but i fought back. and pushed him and yelled at him. he was shocked and was crying. and i threatened him that i would tell the police and get a divorce. but i never did call the police. i dont know what to do. and i dont have anyone to talk to about this. i love him with all my heart but i dont want to be in this kind of relationship anymore. he's not a completely bad person. he loves our daughter. he takes care of her. he blames my attitude for his violence. he said that because im always angry and nagging that i provoke him. and thats true also, i grew up with my mom nagging all the time. and unfortunately, i can be like her most of the time. i easily get irritated. i have 2 jobs and sometimes i think that he doesnt help me enough at home with responsibilities.  he told me he had two girlfriends before and never did he hit them. so is it really my fault. please i dont know what to do. hes willing to go for counselling and therapy. but he said i need to go also because i have an anger management problem too. 

please help. anybody?

January 21, 2012
12:43 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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January 18, 2012
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Kaganda,

you are in a very disturbing position to be in.  Please just remember that violence of any kind (physical) to yourself by anyone or to your child is never acceptable.  You must seek outside support if your husband tries to hurt you physically.  If your husband tries to hit you again, I think you should try to call for help (police) or remove yourself and your child from the home.  Unless you are fighting him back in true self defense for your life, I do not think that hitting him back is going to help the situation.  Call for help or remove yourself & your child from the home. If you feel you are provoking this within him, you must speak with a professional who might be able to teach you how to be aware of the warning signs that lead up to your behaviour.  Both you and your husband need therapy to make sure that you can both live together and raise your child in a peaceful enviornment or all of these behaviours might continue and be passed on to your child.  I am not a therapist or a professional and I am only giving you my opinion because you asked for someone to respond.

March 29, 2012
8:38 pm
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pillowtalk
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i am so lost and confused and alone. my husband of almost two years now. though, we have been in  a relationship for 11 years now had a fight which started small and he ended up almost strangling me. this is not the first time he did this. the first time was when we were not married yet, he pushed me and i almost tripped on the floor. and many more after that, like squeezing my arms. shaking my shoulder. slapped my face when i was pregnant and everytime he would cry and promise that he will never do this again. but the violence is getting worse and worse. we have a 20 month old daughter. and hes dependent on me. he's the one taking care of our daughter while im the one working. he just finished school and studying for his exams now to get a license.  he was very apologetic the other day when he strangled me. but i fought back. and pushed him and yelled at him. he was shocked and was crying. and i threatened him that i would tell the police and get a divorce. but i never did call the police. i dont know what to do. and i dont have anyone to talk to about this. i love him with all my heart but i dont want to be in this kind of relationship anymore. he's not a completely bad person. he loves our daughter. he takes care of her. he blames my attitude for his violence. he said that because im always angry and nagging that i provoke him. and thats true also, i grew up with my mom nagging all the time. and unfortunately, i can be like her most of the time. i easily get irritated. i have 2 jobs and sometimes i think that he doesnt help me enough at home with responsibilities.  he told me he had two girlfriends before and never did he hit them. so is it really my fault. please i dont know what to do. hes willing to go for counselling and therapy. but he said i need to go also because i have an anger management problem too. 
please help. anybody?

April 5, 2012
5:06 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Pillowtalk,

This is just my opinion but any kind of violence in my books is unacceptable.  I understand that your husband has likely wonderful qualities and I am sure that there are a few things that he may not like about you, but once it becomes physical, you need to consider that unless you take some sort of action, chances are it will happen again and maybe the outcome will be more than just pushing.  You need to remind yourself that human beings do not cope with problems by being physically violent.  I mean I think they should not.  So tell him how you feel about his actions once, and if he ever becomes that enraged again, you will need to ask him to leave and get some help or you will need to remove yourself from the enviornment.

 

One Day

June 7, 2012
12:40 am
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ShiningLight
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It's best that both of you should quickly go to counseling. That way you'll both figure out what's lacking in your marriage and what are the current problems that are occuring causing your husband to have changed his behavior towards you. And since he's more than willing to get professional help then you are good to go. Regarding your anger management, I guess you should try to monitor it too and have it consulted by a counselor as well.

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