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How do i heal from past domestic violence?
May 17, 2013
6:30 pm
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n2011
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May 17, 2013
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For the first 7 years of my life I lived in a family where my dad abused my mother often and in front of me and my two older siblings. I never thought it really affected me but now looking at the problems i have I know that it must have something to do with it. Also my sister always abused me as a child. I have always thought that maybe she did that because of what she had seen happen to my mother? i was never really sure.

My father would kick doors down as my mom would hold us in her arms and cover our ears, he would throw candles at her, glasses at her, hit her, thow her...and this was day in and day out. a constant occurance. I once saw him beat her for taking me to mc donalds with ten dollars she found in a puddle while walking me home from the park because he said he could have put it to better use (alcohol). Forcing her to do certain things... I have blocked out alot of memories from the past but i am still trying to heal from the things i still remember. We lived in womens shelters alot and for some reason she would keep going back to him. One day she decided to leave while he was working and we moved as far north as we could and blocked all our numbers so we could not be found. But my mother developed terrible social anxiety so bad she never wanted to leave the house...so it was very hard to have a normal mother daughter relationship with her as she was afraid of everything. When my mom started working my sister started locking me in rooms, slapping me throwing me down, punching me, scratching me, throwing things at me. Once she locked me in the front porch in the summer and it got so hot and no matter how much i banged on the window she wouldnt let me in, so finally i pushed so hard i broke the glass and cut open both my wrists by doing so. To this day we still have a terrible relationship i am 21 she is 26. she still lives with my mother and the moment i graduated i moved 4 hours away. I now have terrible relationships with men. I feel incomplete no matter who i am with.. i tend to cheat. I am very ashamed but it temporarily fills a hole but afterward i would always cry and feel horribly. I tend to get clingy fast with guys i dont even really like. I have the worst self esteem, i never feel good enough no matter what i do. I make excuses to myself as to why i cant be happy. I blame myself for how i am. I feel like no one understands me. I get so emotional over so many things and i feel awful because I feel betrayed when my boyfriend goes and leaves me even for pnly a couple of hours to see his friends.. i dont know why i am like that....I just need some advice. my life is crazy. could it be from my past?

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