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I want to help her but don't know how.
March 21, 2003
6:42 pm
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Anonymous
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I am married to a wonderful woman who suffers from Codependency. She has taken care of her parents for the last 20 years, they are both elderly and they and the rest of the family control her life. My step daughter can’t do things for herself because Mom is always running to take care of it for her. I was recently diagnosed as being bi-polar and she acts like she has to shoulder taking care of me also and that isn't so. I know that unless I can get her to let some of the responsibility and the feelings of guilt for doing so be passed off to some one else in the family she is going to have a nervice breakdown worrying about everything. It has gotten so bad we can't even go out for the weekend without her checking in with them. Is there anything I can do to help her over come this? If you have any ideas please give them to me. I can use all the help I can get. Thank you.

March 22, 2003
11:50 am
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Anonymous
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If she sees the problem herself and wants to seek treatment, then there is a lot than can improve. However, if you try to help someone who doesn't see the need to change her patterns, that's joining in into the codependent system. Before you help her, you have to understand that you can only change yourself, not others. If she asks for your help, then it would be a good idea to help her shop for a good therapist that is good at codependence work. And one good book to read (yourself and/or your wife) would be "Codependent no More", to get started.

Wish you all the best !

March 24, 2003
12:06 pm
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Anonymous
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Mafi's right. I'd buy the book, read it first, then ask her to read it.

Many of us here are co-dependant. She sounds like she was raised that way and has been going through a cycle with her parents for quite some time. She does seem to be piling too much on herself. You and your daughter can change yourselves to short-circuit the cycle towards you.

So, change yourself first, give your daughter some coping skills and broach the subject with your wife.

And see where you go from there!!

Good luck....

Jenny

January 27, 2011
3:25 pm
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BabblingIdiot
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Definitely talk to her if she doesn't realize how smothering her actions that are caused from being codependent are. The book would be a great idea tell her someone suggested you both read it. She is so used to taking care of someone you may talk to her about letting you and your daughter take some of the load off and if she just wants to care for something she could take up gardening or even get  pet.

June 22, 2012
3:27 pm
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jordan.s
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If all else fails, ask friends and family to conduct an intervention. Here are some steps to take before doing it.

1. Think about how her codependency is difficult for her, you, and her friends and family.

2. Take steps to contact friends and family of her and find those who are affected by her codependency.

3. Take steps to plan what you're going to say (how it hurts you, what to do to get better)

4. Conduct the intervention. Meet with her and the rest of the people involved in a confrontational environment. Speak about the problems and suggest a course of action.

5. You're done! Hopefully, she will realize that she has the support and that by going to treatment, she can cure her codependency through treatment or rehab and still have the support of her friends and family. Good luck!

June 26, 2012
12:51 am
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skyprix
Tuggerah, Australia
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t should start on knowing the reason of her being codependency; when you discovered the cause it’ll be easy for you to think of the best remedy.

August 23, 2012
10:02 pm
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OneFoot
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bevdee also posts as skyprix

August 24, 2012
7:11 am
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soofootoo
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Who Cares! Just like everyone else Bevdee can post under any name she chooses. She is going through a lot right now with lesbian drama and a man who sent her a pic of himself with no pants on. Have a heart.

August 24, 2012
9:52 am
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Shineyhappypeople
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@ soofootoo aka free -why do you always defend Bev?

January 25, 2013
1:37 am
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aaronwebvizards
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January 25, 2013
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It is a great idea to help your wife, I appriciate your thought as most of the people will not think and will not care about others. Your wife seems to be courageous, you just need to support her mentally and I think rest she can manage.

April 15, 2013
9:24 am
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RehabForTeens
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February 21, 2013
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I appreciate your concern for your wife..You have to realise that she has been like this ever since you have known her, so it is not possible to change her..What you can do best is,talk to her,and try and help her in some way ..After all she too needs some pampering..
 

 


August 9, 2020
9:10 pm
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lisabaker
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Some healthy steps to healing your relationship from codependency include:

• Take breaks
• Consider counseling
• Rely on peer support
• Establish boundaries.
• Start being honest with yourself and your partner.
• Stop negative thinking
• Don't take things personally.

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