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Success In Career, failure as woman
July 16, 2012
10:45 am
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Toaster
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July 16, 2012
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I consider myself to be pretty successful in my career thus far. I completed Medical school with honors and a full ride scholarship through the Air Force, completed a year of post graduate medical residency and then completed 4 years as an Air Force doctor to fulfill my scholarship commitment. I'm now loan free, and back in another Residency to complete my medical specialty training. I'm 33 years old and have accomplished a lot in my life and in my career. I've traveled to lots of different countries, helped a lot of people and served my country. But I'm 33 years old and still have yet to start a family. I met the man of my dreams (who happens to be 4 years younger than me) on the East coast where I was finishing up my Air Force Commitment. I matched into a residency program on the West Coast and he followed me here. He was able to secure a good job as an attorney in LA, but my program is about 75 miles away and with LA traffic we had to unfortunately maintain separate homes. We see each other as often as our work schedules allow. We do both want to get married and start a family, eventually. I never really acknowledge how powerful and loud the biological clock could tick until recently, and it is now all I can think about. My boyfriend still says he's not ready for kids and won't be any time soon, which would push me into my late 30's before we would even start trying per him. He also still wants to push back the wedding another year and a half because he says he needs more time to get settled in his career and "get comfortable." The ever looming "35" is right around the corner and that seems to be the day of doom for women and reproductivity. I've been a "good girl" all my life and have always put my career first. I've been on birth control since I was in college and have never had any "accidents." I wanted to make sure I had my career path in line before I started my family. Now I question all of my previous decisions. I feel panicked that once we do start trying it may be too late. I feel like it is already too late even now. I've brought this up many times to my boyfriend and sometimes it seems like he understands, but he never budges on his desire to wait longer for the wedding and even longer for kids. I do love him with all of my heart and would never consider leaving him, ever. But I've run out of ideas on how to convince him to consider moving up these major events, without pressuring him too much. Even with everything I've done with my career and life thus far, I feel like a failure as a woman if I cannot accomplish these major life events of marriage and having children. Need advice please!

July 17, 2012
5:41 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Toaster:
please listen carefully. Forget about pushing anything. There is no biological clock ticking. It's going to be fine and things will work out just as they should. You sound like you are a very successful couple & don't let societal pressures make you rush into anything. Take your sweet time. I know of a couple exactly in your situation who are now in their late forties and they waited until much later, late thirties to have their children. God blessed them with twin boys! Please don't fret. Be grateful. Slow down & enjoy the time you have with your boyfriend. It sounds like he wants what you want. No need to rush. One Day at a time. Congratulations on all your achievements! I am certain that when the time is right, you will be a beautiful bride and a great MOM!

One Day

September 28, 2012
7:00 am
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ShiningLight
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The more you rush things, the lesser the chance to make it happen on time. Just be patient and everything will just work out fine. You don't have to pressure yourself that much on getting married asap and have kids cause it will all bound to happen in time. Greatest things usually happen in unexpected moment and time so don't think you are a failure woman cause you are definitely NOT. Oneday is right, be grateful for the many meaningful things you did. No one else could have achieved so much BUT the one you're accusing a failure woman, and that's YOU my dear. Be proud of who what you are. Things that you wanted in your life may not be that instant, but remember in the end it's the worth the wait as long you're optimistic in many aspects. Take your time and just enjoy the moment. Most of all, be happy!

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