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Stuck in my own mess (torn between two)
January 5, 2013
4:19 am
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hmysti
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January 5, 2013
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My situation is complicated to say the least...

So let me start by saying that I am the idiot, here. I behaved in ways that weren't acceptable and I am dealing with consequences that I deserve. I just do not know how to deal with them in a mature way. Actually, I'm in such a

A few years ago, I met the most amazing and loving young man who has done so much for me. I love him and I value the time we spent together.  He is amazing.

We were living close to each other for awhile, but he was not able to find a job here and he had to move. I could not move back with him because we do not want to live together until we are married. So now we are several states away.

In that time, I grew distant from him. It was hard going into a long distance relationship. I made a friend in that time, however, and became very close. My friend gave me attention in ways my boyfriend (for reasons of conscience) could not - intimate ways - and after resisting for a long time, I fell for my friend and betrayed my boyfriend. I am forgoing a lot of details here because it is just hard to think about this anymore.

After a long time, I finally came clean with my boyfriend, who I had been avoiding, not talking to, doing anything to avoid the guilt, even distancing myself and recommending we take a break. He did everything he could to understand, even taking a lot of blame on himself, though I do not think he should have.

The worst part about this is that my boyfriend is willing to forgive me, but I cannot stop thinking about my friend (who is, in the meantime, avoiding me because I have fallen fast and hard and have become very attached, so I've practically annoyed him.) I know the logical thing to do, I know what would be best for me -- to forget my friend and go where I know I am loved - but I can't stop my heart from dwelling on the friend for whom I have fallen so hard.  I can't stop trying to message him, call him, e-mail him. I go for a few hours and I am fine and then I think of something else and I write to him in a moment of weakness. This same weakness is what led to my indescretion. I am normally self controlled. This is not like me. I do not know what to do.

To top it off, I no longer feel worthy of my boyfriend's love. The guilt of all of this is weighing on me hard and I find myself with little will to live. Cry

January 9, 2013
2:48 pm
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dop
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December 20, 2011
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I can empathize with your situation. For lack of better words you probably feel kind of crappy. As you said long distance relationships are hard to
maintain. Being several states away
makes its hard to manage a relationship. If the guy you started to see is
already avoiding you he’s probably not the one for you. Please understand I am only assuming
this. Not knowing when the last time he spoke with you may not lend to what I
am about to say. I am thinking that he got what he wanted and is done. He may come
around again when he’s looking for something but it will be when he is ready. Don’t
become his part time. If he knew you had a boyfriend his integrity is in
question. You sacrificed your relationship with your boyfriend to do this. You
gave into someone that you had resisted and it was against your better judgment
to do so. I think more than anything you feel that you let yourself down. It is
normal to feel remorse, regret and empathy towards your boyfriend and you
should. That’s what someone with a conscience does. There is a saying that goes
“character is what you do when nobody’s looking”. If you go back with your
boyfriend you will have show that you can be trusted when you’re not together.
There’s no easy answer here you are wrapped up emotionally with two different
individuals. One who seems to be avoiding you and one who seems to be waiting
for you.  Your distance from your boyfriend is a factor that you need to consider. If you decide that it is to much to overcome you could pursue the other but I feel you will always be chasing.

Hang in there, Dop

January 11, 2013
6:16 am
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ShiningLight
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February 9, 2011
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Yes, it might be complicated but the decision is yours. Long distance relationships are really hard to maintain and sad to say, lasting rate is quite lower than ordinary relationships (no distance involved). I guess Dop is right, you need to consider that your boyfriend is far distant from you that communication and time became difficult and because of the that, you found someone whom you think can replace the presence of your boyfriend. Sorry to say this but it's kinda unfair for that person and most especially for your boyfriend to think he's still willing to understand and forgive you after what you've done. The logic here is that what could have been your situation if your boyfriend did the same thing to you? and if the other guy knew you had a boyfriend but still tolerated your relatioship then what do you think will happen to the both of you in the future, do you think he can be faithful to you? or what would you feel if that guy will do the same thing you did to your previous boyriend?

 

It's not the distance that counts but it's actually the commitment. As long as you're committed enough to make a relationship lasts whether it's long distance or not then everything will work out just fine. Talk to your boyfriend and discuss things rationally. That way, you'll know if there still something to save in your relationship or not. Just remember, regret always comes last so make sure your decision is smart enough.

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