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so confused
July 15, 2013
10:24 pm
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wondering2012
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i was married for 22 yrs, recently divorced was seperated and with another man. my ex was severly hateful towards me, i had over 400 emails from him calling me every name in the book and how a terrible mother i was and how i was just like my mom and choose a guy over my daughter. when divorce was final i cried for 2 days, ex started talking to me again and i started puhing the other guy away.. i dnt know why i did because he was amazing in every way possible, attentive, good listener, hard worker, was nice to my children, even though daughter hated him, we was an actual team side by side in everythig that needed to be done with the house work from sweeping to laundry. i ended back with my ex because the other guy and i got into a huge arguement and he walked out. we have been apart since oct of 2012. i have talked with him since them but was almost 2 months before i did. i find myself always thinking about him and missing him, i miss everything we had and the way he treated me and made me feel. everything with h was amazing when we was together. everythig with my ex is so blah boring nothing team oriented, i cook, alone, pay bills alone i take care of everything. trying tonhabe a conversation with him is like pulling teeth. hes always telling me he loves me 5-10 times a day. i want to so be with the other guy but affraid to leave because of the hell i went thru before and the pain i caused people, but want to be happy my friends tell me my kids are old enough they will come around and i deserve to be happy..can anyone give an inside? ask questions if u want more details.

July 16, 2013
3:49 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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so confused,

I wish I had an answer but I don't.  I do understand what you are feeling, but I cannot see a solution until your children are grown.  Once they are no longer living in your home if you still do not have the contact you feel you need from your husband, you can either go for therapy now or wait & get separated again & hope to meet another man that makes you feel alive.  You do deserve to be happy, I am just not sure how to make that happen in your situation.  For all you know this other guy has already moved on.  Sorry, I don't have much advice for you.

 

One Day

July 16, 2013
5:09 am
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wondering2012
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one day,
he has started a new relationship but has told me he is not happy at all, he to dies not have that connection with her like he did when we was together. he has told me he misses me every day and theres not a day that goes by he wishes he could undo the arguement we had. my youngest is 18 and graduated from high school, she has her boyfriend living with us and he has bought her a promise ring. to me she is moving forward with her life. i keep trying to connect with my ex but we see things in different ways and when i try to ask him to explain it from his point of view he gets frustrated and just stops talking. there is no sexual appeal towards him. he always wants me to make the "first" move to start things but theres nothing there to make me want to make that move.i have tried counseling and they just want me to go to group therapy and tell me i have unresolved issues to deal with, well how can i deal with them when i can not get him to talk with me about the past? the ex was also seeing someone at the same time i was and she left her husband fir my husband but yet she was a saint and i was the no good dirty fat b and c word. which i dont understand that, she did the same thing as me but het he was ok with her doing it. with the other guy i have went for a while without contact out of respect for his new girl friend but he is always in my thoughts. sorry if everything seems to just jump around trying to get as much info without a whole lot to read.

July 16, 2013
5:26 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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confused,

you live in limbo for a reason.  I do not know why.  If the guy you want to be with has made it clear to you in every possible way that he wants to be with you & if you are financially independent, then why don't you guys just plan to take off and get a place together.  I don't think you owe anyone any explanation.  Ask him if he would be willing to do this with you.  Then if he agrees, don't even tell anyone & go.  Try to be happy.  You only live once.  I wish my ex boyfriend called me everyday & wanted to be with me.  I would just leave this mess behind me for good if I could afford to.  I am sick of this wasted life of being a slave & getting no happiness or love.

 

One Day

July 16, 2013
7:07 am
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wondering2012
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one day,

that is sime of the reason i havent, i am not financially stable and i dont want the ex bf to pay my bills for me, i am starting school so i can become financially stable and able to stan on my own and thats what i tried to do begore was just leave and my ex gusband is a cop and used his "authority" to find me. cuz i cant tell the ex husband fave to face i want to leave cuz he would try and stop me and talk me out of it, hes done it before and knows how to push the guilt buttons..i thank you for listening i needed to talk with someone about it..i do lobe the ex bf like i have never loved before he showed me what life was really suppose to feel like from a sad day all the way to making love..never enjoyed the bedroom as much as i did with him. now all i can do is hope my family well kids will firgive me and realize how happy i am. i support them with anything that makes them happy. again thank you

July 16, 2013
7:26 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I understand that you do not want your bf to pay the bills by himself.  I would never want someone to pay my way either.  I don't care if your ex husband is a cop or the King of England, if you are unhappy he cannot stop you.  Even after you can save money to be with your bf if your ex husband uses his job to figure out where you are, he still cannot make you leave.  I hope your children will still care for you and understand that you are doing what makes you happy.  I believe if you and the bf are meant to be together & have true happiness this will reflect on to your children & they will understand why you did what you did.  Just make sure that your bf really loves you & is not simply using you for sex.  I know that your husband & you were not happy in the bedroom, but it takes more than just sex to make a relationship work.  Make sure you know for sure that this bf is looking for the same things as you are & that he will welcome your children into your world with open arms.  This is very important.  You cannot throw one family away just to create another one.  Remember your ex husband is still the father of his children & your children have a right to know both of you whether they are children or adults.

 

One Day

July 16, 2013
7:55 am
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wondering2012
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oneday,

i totally agree and he has welcomed them with open arms, he has told them
before he is not their dad and does not want to be but would like to be a male rolemodel or someone they can talk to or ask for help if needed. sex with us was never a demanding thing it was everything with the whole relationship that made the sex amazing, but i di see your concern and i taking it slower this time and making sure of everything. once school is accomplished with or with out the bf i want to stand on my own and not depend on a male for anything. i have done that since i was 16, thts when i got with my ex husband. i wonder though what your thought is on when i was with the bf i often thought of the ex husband wondering if he was ok and eating, and sometimes missed talking to him, even though that wasnt done much. could it be because of being with him for soo long that it is a comfort thing, kind of doing what i know thing? if that made any sense.

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