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sexual attraction and love
April 29, 2012
4:33 am
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jsk5225
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April 29, 2012
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I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We are best friends and up until about 3 months ago, I felt that we were absolutely meant for each other. We have been planning our life, wanting to get a house and get married. The only problem is that I feel no sexual attraction to him. I will still hook up with him so I can please him and it's not that it is bad sex, but I just do not get pleasure from it. I do not even have the desire to kiss him. I have cheated on him a couple times in the past but that meant nothing to me. Now I have met another guy that I have great sexual chemistry with and I can picture a life with him, even though it has only been a few monthes, we are just so similar. I wonder to myself if it will be like this in 9 years with this new guy. Will he love me as much as my current boyfriend and will we be as best of friends? I feel that I have fallen out of love with my current boyfriend romantically but still love him as a best friend. If I leave this other guy do you think my loving feelings will come back for my bf? Or should I break his heart and perhaps lose him forever?

April 29, 2012
5:38 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I think you are already way past having a future with your 9 year relationship don't you?  It sounds like you are in a new relationship altogether.  Does you 9 year boyfriend even know about this sexual chemistry new guy?  Why wouldn't the fact that you cheated on your first boyfriend have signaled trouble in the first place?  Do you really believe that you can build a life with someone with whom you don't even enjoy kissing?  Imagine how he must feel?  What does he do to replace the sex that you are not interested in giving him?  I would apologize to the 9 year guy and come clean and move on with whomever you wish.  You cannot sustain a long term relationship by cheating with someone more compatible in bed in the hopes of somehow desiring your 9 year realtionship to be new again.  Either you move on and right away, or you both go for sexual therapy counselling.  Passionate intimacy is a very big part of a long lasting fullfilling relationship.  Next time you find someone who meets your needs, you might want to try and stay faithfull.

April 29, 2012
2:33 pm
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White Shadow
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January 12, 2012
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I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We are best friends and up until about 3 months ago, I felt that we were absolutely meant for each other. We have been planning our life, wanting to get a house and get married. The only problem is that I feel no sexual attraction to him. I will still hook up with him so I can please him and it's not that it is bad sex, but I just do not get pleasure from it. I do not even have the desire to kiss him. I have cheated on him a couple times in the past but that meant nothing to me. Now I have met another guy that I have great sexual chemistry with and I can picture a life with him, even though it has only been a few monthes, we are just so similar. I wonder to myself if it will be like this in 9 years with this new guy. Will he love me as much as my current boyfriend and will we be as best of friends? I feel that I have fallen out of love with my current boyfriend romantically but still love him as a best friend. If I leave this other guy do you think my loving feelings will come back for my bf? Or should I break his heart and perhaps lose him forever?

April 30, 2012
3:57 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Ever notice how some people ask a question about their personal life, but are looking for the answer that will suit their needs, not the moral or logical one?  You change another person, but at least being self aware is half the battle.  I wonder when people present a problem in a relationship and discuss their dilemma whether they actually read what they wrote?  Do you really feel that your 9 year relationship guy is gonna stand back and wait for you to decide whether you will crave him back?  It's rough but honestly you cannot have your cake and eat it too unless you are a dishonest cheater.

 

One Day

April 30, 2012
7:45 pm
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free
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Hi White Shadow

 

I think it's your own heart you are breaking by staying with him.  I've been here.  I married a man I loved in many ways,

but was never sexually attracted to him.  I believed the sexual problem was with me.  We got along well in other areas

and he was fun to be around.  But when we married I got to know the "real" him, who he was when I wasn't looking

as the song goes.  We separated and I met the man of my dreams.  Everything AND the sexual attraction.  It's been a

few years and I still tingle when he touches me, love to lay in his arms, love his smell , his touch, everything about him.

I'm happy to see him, always.  I feel safe in his arms, loved, special, attractive.This taught me that I was breaking my own

heart by settling, I was selling myself short.  You may lose this guy forever, and things might not work out with the new

guy.  So be it.  If that happens, keep looking until you find the one, and you will.  It's so worth it.

 

free

May 1, 2012
11:32 pm
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ShiningLight
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jsk5225,

 

Hmmm that's really complicated but let me ask you this, would your feelings change when your new guy is not around? or have been away for quite sometime? Maybe it was just an infatuation? have you thought of that? . I mean 9 years is not just something and considering that your boyfriend is also your best friend. In a relationship whether you lasted for years or just starting, there are really times that you feel akward to each other and even wondering why have you chosen him/her as your partner and that's very normal, how much more that you are already together for 9 long years?. You might need a relationship counselor that can help you both raise your concerns. Counseling can also help you assess your committment to each other if you still have a hold to that. That way, you would both have a mutual decision whether to let go or save your relationship. Think about it.

 

Hope that helps.

February 24, 2014
11:27 am
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valentinbucur
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Hello,

My name is Alice and i found helpful informations on this page http://www.relationship-advice.....counseling. You should try.

Best wishes!

February 26, 2014
11:18 am
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Dardar
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valentinbucur said:

Hello,

My name is Alice and i found helpful informations on this page http://www.relationship-advice.....counseling. You should try.

Best wishes!


Hello Alice.  Welcome to the site.  Thank you for the link, you have such a cute accent.

February 26, 2014
4:48 pm
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Dardar said:

valentinbucur said:

Hello,

My name is Alice and i found helpful informations on this page http://www.relationship-advice.....counseling. You should try.

Best wishes!


Hello Alice.  Welcome to the site.  Thank you for the link, you have such a cute accent.
 


OMG Dardar you are so on it valentinbucur accent is uber cute. Dadar did your mom teach you how to speak Chinese? Are you bilingual. I don't care cause I still think that you are Kisssoooo super duper amazing. 

Love,

LOVE2Pass Gas your BBF (LOL)

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