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Need help with Relathionship and Girlfriend's dad issues.
June 2, 2013
10:32 am
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plps
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Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm seeking for serious answers only as to me this is a serious matter.

 

My girlfriend's father is too possessive of her, too jealous, too controlling to a ridiculous point. I can't even pick her up after she gets out of school at night because he says to her that I don't have the right to do that and I have no responsibilities over her, that he's the only one who can pick her up and such.

He wants to dictate how our relationship grows, how and when we see each other but he contradicts himself too much. For instance, he wants me to visit her more at her home, I started doing it and then he began to complain that I spend too much time with her. We talk on the phone and he complains that we talk too much on the phone and he even wants to know what my girlfriend and I talk about. If I see her after she gets out of work, to him that's wrong and that only low-life women meet their boyfriends after work. I mean.. WTF REALLY?!!

If I bring her lunch to work, he gets jealous and then starts telling her not to get food from anywhere that he'll bring it to her or tells her to hold off a bit that he will take her out to eat.

I'm 31, I've been married before and I have experience in carrying on with a relationship but this is just too much. I'm in love with my girlfriend and she is with me too and she's probably the one suffering the most because she doesn't want to go against him but she doesn't want to lose me either. She doesn't know what to do, she can't talk to him because he doesn't pay attention to what she has to say and when he does listen, she's never right about anything.

One time it came down to the point when he told her that she needed to move out to her mother's house because he didn't know what to do with her anymore, that she's too disobedient, too out of control and only does whatever she wants. (HE IS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THAT and he is the only person that sees it that way in her family).

she can't visit me at work because it bothers him. we can hardly go out because when we do, it bothers him and he still threats her like a little girl, he wants to know where we are, what we're doing, etc.

After she gets out of work, he wants her to call him to let him know and if she's going to meet up with me after work, he wants to know everything.

I have spoken with him personally twice about the whole situation and I made it clear that I'm a man, old enough to know the wrongs and rights of a relationship. We seemed to have come to an understanding both times but every time, two days later (tops), he changes his mind and acts all strange, weird, TOO weird in my opinion. I think he really needs to see a psychologist.

I simply don't understand him. He wants a man who cares for his daughter, that respects her, that can take care of her, basically all the good things a father wants for a daughter and I'm giving her all of that, yet he acts as I mentioned before.

I will not leave her but right now I don't know what to do and neither does she.

June 2, 2013
11:05 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I feel bad for you & your girlfriend.  I might be wrong, but I think your girlfriend needs to be more assertive with her Father about her boundaries.  Is your girlfriend very very young?

Does her Father not have a wife?  Is he a single parent?

I read that you are 31 & have been through a marriage, but I guess I can't even start to guess what is going on with this Father/Daughter dilemma unless I know a little more.

What makes him so protective of her? 

 

One Day

June 2, 2013
11:35 am
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plps
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She's turning 20 soon and he's not much older than me. he's 40. He's married but not to my girlfriend's biological mother. I believe what makes him so protective is that his daughter's mom was his first love. They knew each other since they were kids and then had her but split less than a year after she was born. I don't know what happened between his previous wife/woman and him as of why they split up tho'.

 

He has two other daughter's with his current wife and he doesn't over protect them as much. He cares for them but I've never really heard of him being like this with either of them and they're both younger than my girlfriend. both are still underage.

The one that is 16 has a lot more freedom than my girlfriend does, she evern sleeps over at her "friends" and he says he cares but honestly, I don't think he does care as much as to what this other daugther does when she's not visible.

He's told me the reason why he gives her so much freedom is because she's more "open-minded" and outgoing and that he feels she can take care of herself. (SHE'S ONLY 16)…

Honestly, my girlfriend is quite mature and responsible, works and studies and has strong personal values which is why I fell in love with her. We've been dating for over a year now and we still have not gotten intimate because I respect her desicion to wait until she feels she's ready and I don't really mind the waiting. Her father thinks she's already "screwing around with me" and I've had to tell him face to face that we still aren't.

The way he threats my Girlfriend doesn't give her the oportunity to be more sociable and outgoing but he doesn't get that. She's more secluded because of him and he's harming her without realizing it. I told him this, he refused to believe I'm right because he thinks the way he's raising her is the right way.

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