Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
love and hate relatioship
June 15, 2013
5:49 pm
Avatar
sweetmari
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
June 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I been in this relationship for 18 years, we been off and on. I'M the one that always look for him, I have forgive his adultery and lies forever. I'M getting old and I want to end this sick relationship. I heard about the book women Who LOVE to much. By Robin Norwood. Please if someone is in the same position that I'M at.

June 16, 2013
3:52 am
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetmari,

as with anything, you can love too much.  You must try to find a balance for everything in your life & it is not easy to do.  Every person has a tendency to do something out of balance.  When my children were younger I used to tell them that they should only eat when they were hungry & stop when they were full.  That is such good advice that is not so easy to follow.  Loving someone with all your heart makes you kind of like a blind person.  That to me is wonderfully scary.  I think if maybe they love you back that way (exactly that way), it might be o.k.  I cannot say for certain because no one has ever romantically adored me that way in the long term.  Perhaps it is a problem (addiction).  I think that it is not though.  I think you might be able to redirect your love of a person to a higher power & then find some guidance about trying to take care of yourself without stopping to love this 18 year love. 

A human that is continually lying to you and cheating on you is not really worth your love in my opinion but he does not care if you keep loving him regardless of his nature.  He will not change & you can not change him by loving him.  You can accept that this is the man that your heart belongs to, or you can decide to still love him without being involved with him at all.  If you ask me, if you are not a liar & you have not cheated on him, if you have been honest to him and stayed true to him, then you do not deserve to be treated with disrespect by him.

 

What you actually end up doing with just my opinion is entirely up to you.

 

One Day

June 16, 2013
10:15 am
Avatar
sweetmari
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
June 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you,One Day.Yes i been very honest and give to this relationship all i have, but the only thiNg that hapened is that i have lost my time and my younger years to someone that didnt deserved.I always feel guilty once i have in my mind TO live and end the relationsbhip a storm start in my brain,one side say to leave and the other that i should stay.thats why when i discover about this book from robin norwood ,women who loves to much . I have read many stories how this book has help them.and thats why i joined this support group cause when you are in a situation like this you need the ecperience and advice from people living the same experiences as you.Hopefully i can break this love and hate relationship!

June 16, 2013
2:45 pm
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetmari:

I don't understand where your hate is defined in your personal experience with your husband.  The problem is not that you hated, but rather you loved with all your heart and wished for that experience of unconditional love to be returned.  Obviously, this man of yours really liked that you kept giving even though he did not give you back.  What he gave you was a lot of grief, wasted years as you said & probably a mamouth headache.  If you go to a support group & it helps you, then that is great.  First you must learn what is yours & what you will chance sharing.  Second list is what is yours & is only yours & you never ever wish to or need to share it.  I cannot tell you what those things are.  I recommend you figure that out prior to going on any dates or even trying to begin any kind of human relationship.  The main thing is that you need to see on your own that you do not have the right tools to signal in your mind that if you give someone a book to read that belongs to you & if they borrow it and rip the pages & write all over it, and ruin its cover & then when you ask for it back, they tell you they threw it in the garbage, then you must never ever loan out anything again to that person.  Giving them a brand new book does not help you or make it better for them.  They need to earn money, buy their own freakin book & let you enjoy your library cause it's yours.  Once in a while, maybe you will let them read a passage of one of your books while you dust in the same room.  Women who love too much should not be told that they are haters or bad, they should just recognize that most people in the world will take anything from someone who is nice enough to give it without asking for something in return.  Those women might need to stay away from predators & since there are so many sly ones out there who have no concept of how to take care of a woman with this kind of a precious soul, the woman should just be happy with light & lively companions.

 

One DaySmile

July 12, 2013
10:36 am
Avatar
sweetmari
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
June 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetmari:

I don't understand where your hate is defined in your personal experience with your husband.  The problem is not that you hated, but rather you loved with all your heart and wished for that experience of unconditional love to be returned.  Obviously, this man of yours really liked that you kept giving even though he did not give you back.  What he gave you was a lot of grief, wasted years as you said & probably a mamouth headache.  If you go to a support group & it helps you, then that is great.  First you must learn what is yours & what you will chance sharing.  Second list is what is yours & is only yours & you never ever wish to or need to share it.  I cannot tell you what those things are.  I recommend you figure that out prior to going on any dates or even trying to begin any kind of human relationship.  The main thing is that you need to see on your own that you do not have the right tools to signal in your mind that if you give someone a book to read that belongs to you & if they borrow it and rip the pages & write all over it, and ruin its cover & then when you ask for it back, they tell you they threw it in the garbage, then you must never ever loan out anything again to that person.  Giving them a brand new book does not help you or make it better for them.  They need to earn money, buy their own freakin book & let you enjoy your library cause it's yours.  Once in a while, maybe you will let them read a passage of one of your books while you dust in the same room.  Women who love too much should not be told that they are haters or bad, they should just recognize that most people in the world will take anything from someone who is nice enough to give it without asking for something in return.  Those women might need to stay away from predators & since there are so many sly ones out there who have no concept of how to take care of a woman with this kind of a precious soul, the woman should just be happy with light & lively companions.

 

One DaySmile

July 12, 2013
10:47 am
Avatar
sweetmari
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
June 15, 2013
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry, one day, for not answer, but this days is been from bad to worst. I'm planning to move away from him And this time for good! I can't keep on hurting my self as I been doing. Plus I have few health issues, And also with all this drama now I have high blood pressure. For once in my life I need to be selfish And think about me And forget about what people may say. I feel very lonely And that's why I got into this group cause the other problem I have is that I never know how to take a decision, sometimes I wish that someone will tell me what to do, but I know doesn't work that way. I will keep you post on whatever happens. Again thank you, sweetmari

July 12, 2013
12:26 pm
Avatar
onedaythiswillpass
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetmari,

please take very good care of yourself.  I know it's sad & I know it's lonely, but I think it's better for a person to be alone than to be with someone who cannot be honest with them.  I cannot promise you that your life will be a rose garden, but maybe one day someone will be wise enough to see how special you are and treat you with real respect that you deserve.  If not, then you just stand tall & live your life.

 

One Day

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110990
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38562
Posts: 714273
Newest Members:
Slizzeringod1, Slizzeringod, texas321, lasserfelt, Gosia88, Hollynluna87
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information