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10:13 pm
November 13, 2011
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Hey
Im 21 yrs old. Im gay and until last April, I was uncomfortable with going public about it. Right now, i have a boyfriend whos amazing in the things he does. But they are very materialistic. Iv had my own dose of relationships but when things got hard and I saw no potential, I left. And before I met him, I swore to myself that I will connect truly with the person I fall in love with next. And now, with him, i see potential for a future. But he doesnt emotionally connect with me as much as I want to. When he does, its bliss. But its rare as a blue moon.
My childhood was a disaster and I dnt hav a single happy memory to look back at. The things that happened still torture me and rip me inside out. Right now, Im so in need of somebdy who NEEDS me so much as I would need that person. To talk, to laugh, to connect, to cry, to rn around and do allthe crazy things that Im dying to do. But my boyfriend is 33 yrs and sme months from his second tym breakup to his most biggest,mother relationship. He loves me but im 21 and theres only so much and so far that i can go, I realise and I see in his eyes.
Last night I tried to suicide cos I so desperately wanted to connect and be with someone to talk to but he told me he enjoyed the silence. I need help. I dnt now what to do. Please.
12:48 am
February 9, 2011
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Pleasesaveme,
Do you have any other friends? Sometimes, it's not the girlfriend or the boyfriend that can satisfy your feeling of longing for someone to connect to but only your friends. Hangout with them and those you trust so much, ask their best opinions and advises about your problem. Also, you might need more time and space for yourself to actually reflect on things you really wanted to happen in your life. No man is island indeed but the more we force ourselves to long for a person or someone we can connect to, the more they are not available to be with us. You said that you've been in and out of relationships but still it did not satisfy you or make you even a better person that you would like to be.
There's nothing wrong of being a gay, you are still human and you deserve to love and be loved in return but you just have to learn to wait. While you are patiently waiting, do not seize your life like a stagnant water but move on and enjoy every moment of it. You can enroll yourself to a group counseling so that you can relate your life to them as well be properly guided on what to do to develop your personality. Being what you are now is not a hindrance so let it out. As long as you stand for righteousness and you are on the right path and not hurting anyone then that's fine. Sooner or later you will be able to find that right person. Or maybe that person may find you and willing to accept for who you really are.
Wishing you well.
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