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I really screwed up and need help
April 29, 2013
10:12 pm
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confused13
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April 29, 2013
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Hi I'm new to this but I really need help. So I am 21 I met this guy when I had just turned 19 and he is the most amazing guy I have ever met we have so much in common, but when I started dating him I made the mistake of telling him the 100% truth about my past which I didn't think was to bad. After a couple weeks of thinking about it he told me he couldn't handle because he had only been with two girls when I hadbeen with 6 guys. Now I never cheated on him but I did end up lying to make him feel better so I said I lied to make myself look more expirenced.I know that's wrong but I was really in live with the guy and I still am. Anyway he ended up believing me but still a little iffy about if I was telling the truth or not. So now everything was ok and our relationship was strong he treated me like a queen,but there was another problem with me. I am a flirt and I cant help it..its harmless,the kind of harmless that u don't even realize you are flirting but he found out and I denied it because I've known the guys for a long time and I didn't see it as flirting I just saw it as goofing off like they always did. It wasn't like it was the touchy f(eely flirting it was more verbal and nuthing sqexual. So my bf freaked out on me about everything and broke up with me the day after my bday. After I left the Job he said I was flirting at I got a new Job thinking I would change the way I was until I met this other guy.now my ex is out of the picture but I still love him with all my heart but since he wasn't talking to me I thought it would be best to try to move on. So I started talking to this guy and not to sure if I like him yet so I continued talking to him. After a few weeks past I'm still not sure if I like this guy until my ex texts me and tells me he misses me and of course I miss him to so I told the guy I was talking to I wasn't interested In a relationship. Later that night I went to my exs house and he decided to look through my phone and sees that I was talking to one of my friends on facebook about the guy I met and the message was from a week before my ex texted me telling me he missed me. So I don't lie to him.I tell him that nuthing happened and that I was trying to move on a little because I was so down about him breaking up with me..so he leaves me again that night and says he never wants to talk to me or see me again...so once again I'm depressed and heartbroken but so is he. So I got a new job at a bar bartending. Alit of men go to this bar but not younger men my age men that are like 45 go there.. the one guy that I knew was my bestfriends moms friend asked me to come outside to talk to him so I did but at the same time he tried touching me sexually and I left..once again my ex calls me to come over because he misses 3 and I once again go to his house cuz I feel the same way...he checks my phone again but this time not knowing this old guy messages me on facebook sayi.g he wants to c me and he needed to get smoked( getting his Dick sucked) and of course my ex sees it and automatically thinks I'm hooking up with this dude so he leaves me again...I reapply don't kno how to get him to trust me again I really need help....there's a lot more but can u guys help me?

April 30, 2013
4:05 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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January 18, 2012
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Dear Confused:

You have some pretty interesting problems going on as I read your post.  Some of these problems are yours, some belong to others, but before I try to separate them you need to understand that you are the one that has the upper hand either way, so your confusion is really a refusal to accept that your behaviour or reaction to events is not allowing you to grasp whatever it is you think you really want.

First of all it was o.k. to tell your first boyfriend your truth if that is what you felt you needed to do but in the future you might want to think about how that disclosure will affect your relationship.  I mean telling your new boyfriend that you had other boyfriends in the past is fine, but you do not need to disclose particulars because it will not make anything move forward & likely hurt the guy.

 

Then you have this issue with flirting & needing to move on yet still being so in love with your ex, so you go back to your boyfriend.  Relationships based on this kind of pattern of love/hate/goodbye/hello again are usually not such good ones.  In my opinion you are driving your original boyfriend crazy & he is doing the same to you.  New relationships found quickly (rebound) are ridiculous because you need time to get over a relationship.  Keep in mind that love is not something you go looking for, hopefully, it just happens if you are lucky.

 

As far as the older guy in the bar where you work is concerned, that is just unacceptable behaviour  & you giving this older man permission to have your # or Facebook is very troublesome.  Try to keep your work very separate from your personal life, no matter what your job is.

 

I think you need some time to define your boundaries & stop going forward or backwards with respect to your "love" relationships.  I think you really are confused & you need to think about how your actions have caused your first boyfriend to feel he cannot trust you.

I think you need time on your own to decide what it is you really want out of a relationship & who you are as a 21yr old woman.

Both you & your ex need time apart & you need to make some decisions about your behaviour.

 

One Day

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