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I get really angry at my boyfriend and have hit him or thrown things.
June 19, 2013
10:22 am
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June 19, 2013
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My boyfriend and I have had several huge fights over the course of our relationship We've been together over 5 yrs and do really love each other and get along well most of the time. But occassionally, I'll get super angry and have slapped him, shoved him or thrown things around the house. This happened last night, I threw a lamp at the wall and tried to kick at him to get him away from me. I had also had too much to drink.

I feel awful about it, and although I don't really ever physically hurt him, I know it's not OK for me to do it at all. I feel completely out of control when I get that angry.

I've never been like this with anyone else. I've never been a violent person or hit other people. There was no violence in my family. The reason I get so angry is because he was very verbally abusive to me the first years of our relationship. The first time I ever hit him was when he was screaming in my face and wouldn't get out of my car. He kept saying the most terrible things you can ever say to a person. I had honestly done nothing to deserve it and was sobbing uncontrollably while he kept on with the insults. I hit him as my way of saying STOP!

I wasn't an angry person before I met him. He was the one that had anger issues when we met, hence the verbal abuse. He's gotten a lot better about it now. But now I feel like I'm the one who can't control my anger. I want to take responsibility for it. But at the same time, it's really hard for me. It's hard for me to get over all those times I was sobbing while he was calling me terrible names for no reason. And then he would never apologize. I would be the one apologizing when it wasn't even my place. It took him years before he really showed remorse for all those times. He also used to be super jealous, always interrogating me, telling me he couldn't trust me even though I've never given him a reason not to. It made me start to feel sort of trapped and uncomfortable all the time, always walking on eggshells around him to keep him from getting jealous and angry. Then I found out a yr or so ago he'd been having an inappropriate relationship with a girl online. And I was hurt less by that and more by the fact that he was doing something behind my back and all the while insulting me and making me feel like the untrustworthy one.

So it's safe to say, that I probably still have a lot of angry feelings under the surface that come out when he does something that reminds me of those times. And we've talked about this stuff a lot. I feel like I've felt such unfairness in our relationship. That whenever he does something to me now that feels unfair, I feel the need to stand up for myself. Because so many times, I did not. But this leads me to overreact now. And he feels like I'll never be able to have a reaction to something without acting out of anger from all the past hurt.

How do I let go of past anger? And how do I keep myself from getting to the point where I feel the need to hit him or throw things to communicate my anger?

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