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I am so upset.... :(
May 10, 2013
10:46 am
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Mgirl
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Hi everyone,

Its my frist time using one of these forums and I'm normally very hesitant to log on and display my personal issues like this so openly, however, i lately i'm not myself and so I thought i'd give it a shot...I need some real advice...

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. When I first met him he was like the best thing that happened to me, there was so much attaction and chemistry between us and we were merely inseparable. To to day I never felt like I could love someone as much as I love him however, recently his temper has gotten so bad.

He will snap and go off on me extremely rudely for the smallest things. There have been many incidents where we've had horrible arguments which escalated so badly that at the end of the day it doesn't even matter what the Original argument was about but rather how much the argument escalated and what was said during the process to one another during the fight....now i'll admit i'm no angel myself, i'll snap back and give him a taste of his own medicine if he started it but whats bothering me the most right now is the fact that i moved to his home town for school purposes and 5 out of 7 days he'll live with me and then go home over the weekend to either his parents house or one of his siblings.

I feel that since i've moved to his home town he has gotten more disrespectful to me and even the smallest thing i may say or do will get him upset and he'll walk off on me. Okay this all may seem very confusing but here is a perfect example of what i'm talking about :

It was Friday afternoon and we had a great morning up until the point of noontime.....We were both getting hungry so I decided to make sandwhichs for the both of us. I got into the kitchen and noticed there was only brown bread left and I know that he prefered white. So i stepped out and said "Babe, we have only brown so do you want ur sandwhich on a pity bread instead"....something so juvinille set him off. He started swearing and me  I didn't understand that Tuna sandwhiches don't taste good on pita bread and that since hes arabic hes eaten pita all his life and that i don't know S***T and i'm a M*****F*****.  His comments got me so upset, at first i said "listen you don't need to swear at me over something so stupid liek BREAD~! its ridiculous... ...I guess at this point he realized he was being an a**hole so he started making jokes by saying "Oh YES, i have a very bad temper so you better be careful".........this got me even more upset, i'm thinking to myself , what a jerk! ...b/c of how upset i was i said to him "I guess u weren't raised to respect women".....That was It, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!!!

 

He started banging the wall, stuck his middle finger at me , said every swear word in the book , and within two minute he was dressed and walking out the door. Before he left he said "NO ONE EVER F***en talks shit about my family".......and that was that...he walked out on me and I don't even know when he'll come back....or if he even will come back for the next 2-3days .....

I really don't know what i should do :'( It makes me horribly sad that I moved to his hometown to make our relationship better/stronger instead of longdistance, and that he thinks its perfectly normal to say and behave any way towards me and storm off...I feel like he takes advantage of the fact that I don't know anyone in his city and depend solely on him for emotional support whereas he has everyone even if it weren't for me. I know i might have been out of line for accusing him of not being able to respect women etc. but I feel like at the moment I had a legit reason as to why i was so angry and said it....Right now I don't know what to do....should I text him to see where hes at? or should I just let him be?....i'm upset that i have to be alone and how hes always storming off no matter how big or small the situation may be . I don't want him to get used to treating me like this...Please give me some good adviceee.....

 

May 10, 2013
3:33 pm
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Mgirl
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anyone?

May 13, 2013
1:44 pm
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counseling2transform
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Hey Mgirl,

 

Since it has been a few days since you wrote this, I wanted to check in with you.  How are you?  Any insights about your relationship since you posted?

It is so painful to have your love and kindness be met with such rage and anger.  You do not have to be alone in deciding what to do.  

I read your statement- "I don't want him to get use to treating me like this".   Your true power is  in saying this instead- "I don't want to get use to him treating me like this".  It sounds like you may be realizing that already.

His  anger has nothing to do with you and until he recognizes that you are not the problem, he may continue to treat you as if you are the problem. you are a trigger for his anger, you are not the cause of his anger.  Because you are not responsible for his actions, you are powerless to change him.  My concern is that you may begin to internalize that it is you and begin to modify your behavior to please him.

The good news is that you are a woman with choices, with wisdom and with an ability to discern that something is not right for you in this relationship.  

You deserve support.  You are welcome to stay in touch with me.  

 

jthornt54

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