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Falling out of Attraction
July 24, 2012
3:54 pm
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Triumph
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Ten months ago, a 22 year-old female and a 30 year-old male were both new at their workplace. The man freaked out the girl by starring at her during a meeting before they met at a work night out a week later. They felt a strong intellectual and physical connection and ended up in bed later that night. Without any contact at work, he called her back the next weekend. And the next. They spent every weekend in bed together, talking, for two months. Considering that he never contacted her besides on weekends, even if they were working in the same building, she was planning on moving on during her Christmas vacation, five weeks away from the city. One week before she left, he realized that he would not see her for a while and spent the last seven nights with her before she left. For the five following weeks, he would chat online with her for hours every night. When she returned, they saw each other every night for two months, having sex at lease once a day for two months. Considering that she was having troubles with her roommate and that they were only using one bed at a time, they started to look for a place to share. They moved in together. Then the girl got very annoyed with him, being bored by the hot sex they used to have, starting to cry after having the hot sex they used to have. (The hottest sex she had in her life.) She had not been rapped, as far as she knows. He was always nice to her. She was not able to think about sex without feeling sad for two months. One every month, she would feel excited enough to get closer to him and would end up crying again. Then she could feel excited while thinking of other men but would feel sad again when she thought of having sex with them.

She was a very happy single, starting a new life, in a new city, with a first job. He was the perfect boyfriend. Older, smarter, richer, nicer. They used to understand each other, they had a strong connection.

Were they supposed to remain just friends? Did they spend too much time together? Is that what love is supposed to feel like? Does love feel like this for other people? Could she be happy in a simple relationship? What comes next?

July 25, 2012
4:37 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Triumph,
I am sorry to tell you that I am fully aware of more than one such situation going on between a guy and a girl as am I write this reply. Something is terribly wrong with this story and with the others. I want to say its the girls problem, but I would need to really see both sides deeply and know from where each person had come prior to starting the current relationship. The obvious answer is that the honeymoon phase is over, but its not the real answer. It's hard to really know a person, even after you have slept with them for a long stretch and even after living with them. The couple you describe have a serious relationship problem which manifests itself through the girl before and after sex. I think this couple would do very well going for sexual therapy or even just therapy in general if they want to try and stay together.

All I can say is that some people live well together and others do not & that for some people the game of the catch is far more important than keeping what they wanted but could not get. I see this over and over again in my own life. People taking for granted what it is they fought hard to get because the reasons for them wanting that person or thing was not for the right reason to begin with.

I am sorry to have to ask this question, but do you know financially if there are troubles in this union? If yes, did they exist prior to these problems??

July 26, 2012
7:09 am
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Triumph
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Thank you for taking the time to reply.

As for the financial situations, I am in graduate school with a great fellowship, he is just out of graduate school with a real job and a real salary. So we are both having more money than we ever had. Thus the serious relationship problem seems to be coming from somewhere else.

July 26, 2012
10:35 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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T, once again, please don't think that I am being insensitive when I tell you that plenty of the people around me are in a very similar situation. I am way older, and in my time, this usually happened between a couple shortly after the first or second child arrived. How to keep the passion strong is the question & why the sadness?

Another couple I speak with has similar problems and they also manifest in their lovemaking (or lack thereof). For the girl, there are no tears though. She simply has no interest at all & never reaches orgasm. Some men would not be offended, but for her boyfriend of several years it feels like he is a failure to her. She is not saddened, but rather offset by any intimacy between them. Last I heard, she was covering her entire face with a pillow as he was trying to make love with her. This is seriously horrible in my opinion.

The situation you describe is slightly different. Has the guy ever cheated on the girlfriend?

Has the couple ever spoken about being in love with one another?

September 24, 2012
10:39 pm
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ShiningLight
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It's their lives so let them be. Love can be defined the moment you feel  and experience it that's all. Regarding the story you posted, somehow it's expected that the girl was quite immature considering their age gap but she chose to live that way. Whether they should just remain as friends or not, single or in a relationship with one another, meant to be together or not, it doesn't matter cause they have their own style of how they deal with their lives and their choices.

 

What comes next?

We'll never know, the future's not ours to see right? What's important is today. You have your own freewill so live your life according to your desire.

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